My hair stylist called to push back my upcoming appointment.
She had broken her collarbone and will be off work for a few weeks. Hair cutting is a dangerous profession.
But that, combined with thinking of the Countess' kid on "Real Housewives of NYC" and her two broken arms, made me think of this:
If you had to have a broken bone, which would you rather have? Here are your options, and I expect explanations.
A) Broken Hand: We'll say it's your non-dominant hand (the one you don't use to give people the finger). You would still be mostly functional, but your texting ability would go way down. As if you already weren't a traffic hazard when you text and drive.
B) Broken leg: You will not be able to get on a stripper pole for months. You will have to use crutches, which will cause underarm chafing, but if you attach a nail to the bottom, you can use them as a weapon. Or, in another option, you can just saw off your leg, get a peg leg, and become a pirate. A win-win.
C) Broken tailbone: You will not, can not, and should not be able to get low, no matter how much Ludacris demands it. You also will have to carry around a donut, and not the powdered sugar kind. You will have to tell people you broke your ass. You will have guys make sexual comments about that statement. You also get to use the word "coccyx." You will also have guys make sexual comments about that.
D) Broken nose: The injury is unavoidable to the eyes, and you will hear endless Marcia Brady hokes. Bonus, though, for getting a free nose job. Unless you never get it fixed. Then you'll have a mix of my nose and Owen Wilson's nose.
E) Broken foot: You will be unable to fulfill your dream as a professional futbol/soccer player. When a guy plays footsie with you, he'll think your foot has an erection.
I'd go with D, if only to fix my nose and to get maximum sympathy. Vote in the sidebar poll.
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