Monday, March 29, 2010

To discuss movie reviews: Up in the Air and The House Bunny. That's right.

I'd like to apologize to the employees of two local Blockbuster stores that recently closed.

The blood is all over my hands.

No, I didn't murder them all, because that's something I would only do to employees of Abercrombie & Fitch stores, with their trendy outfits and judgment and whatnot.

But I do consider myself somewhat culpable for the closure of the Blockbuster stores.

Exhibit A for the prosecution: Those $1 rent-a-movie Blockbuster kiosks outside gas stations. I used one for the first time, and while they were sadly lacking in such cult classics as "Heavyweights" (Ben Stiller's best role, ever), they did have the Oscar-nominated "Up in the Air," or more lately known as "Oscar Cannon Fodder for Hurt Locker and Precious."

Exhibit B for the prosecution: Video on demand through the bane of my existence cable company. Movies are available right away, either through their own offerings or through Amazon. On Sunday, Capricorn and I made a random choice, "House Bunny," starring Anna Faris' abs, Emma Stone's raspy voice and Hugh Hefner's infertility.

There's no need to go to an actual store anymore. If only they could figure out how to do this for gasoline, I'd really cut down on trips.

So we watched these two movies on back-to-back nights. Thoughts (with spoilers, but c'mon):

Up in the Air: I've made it a point to see as many of the Oscar-nominated movies this year as I can. Most recently, we saw "Precious," which had amazing performances and a crazy amount of incest references, in that order.

This weekend, I finally got to see "Up in the Air," starring George Clooney, the girl from "Twilight" and the lady who's name I can't pronounce. The movie had bonus points for a Zach Galifianakis appearance, Vera strutting in only a tie, Anna Kendrick's pony tail that had so much power I wanted to call it a stallion tail, and the effortless charm of Clooney. The last point can't be said enough. True story: All guys are a tiny bit gay for George Clooney.

Overall, the central theme of trying to find meaning in a life where there's no sense of home was terrific, especially for hobos and bin Laden, but what the movie lacked was more suggestions on how to cut down on hassle at the airport. Clooney's character, Ryan, tells Anna's character to always follow Asians through the metal detectors because they know how to travel efficiently. See, that's gold. But where was the advice on how to not get the seat next to a Chatty Kathy, or get free seat upgrades, or join the Half-Mile High Club for those afraid of both heights and commitment? Maybe for "Up in the Air 2"?

House Bunny Did you ever watch a movie and feel bad for some of the actors? I sent flowers and a condolences card to Anna Faris by the third scene. Now, I love her if only because of the vastly underrated "Just Friends." After watching this movie, though ... "Just Friends" is great, isn't it?

Capricorn compared "The House Bunny" to "White Chicks," a movie that's not well done but it makes her laugh. I agree. There are parts of House Bunny that are really funny, in the sense that a specific joke worked and not because the script or plot worked. Those parts do not include the time Katherine McPhee squeegees her pregnant stomach.

Actually, the entire plot is ridiculous and I won't even get into the fact the lowly, down-and-out sorority girls somehow have enough money and connections to buy all new clothes, renovate their house and throw a lavish party featuring a jello-filled volcano. Or the fact American Idol McPhee is inexplicably pregnant the entire movie, even though she is supposed to be afraid of boys, and that the pregnancy is supposed to make her ostracized. Or that she holds up her baby at the end like she's Moses holding up the Ten Commandments. Or the fact one of the Cheetah Girls is in it. Or the fact one of the girls runs around like a monkey and talks like an East German shot put thrower. Or the fact that Hugh Hefner can't act. Or the fact Rumer Willis' character has a Forrest Gump-like moment when she breaks free from her back brace... in a movie also featuring Tom Hanks' son, Colin. Or the fact Colin Hanks is in it.

Actually, the much bigger question Capricorn and I ask: Did Tom Hanks watch this? And what did he say to his son afterward?

"You know, you could always try accounting ..."


That Kind of Girl said...

Your list of things not to mention about The House Bunny makes it sound like an excellent candidate for a guilty-pleasure drinking game.

Also, can I say, you're on my list of AMERICAN HEROES for the day for giving me the mental image of Tom Hanks sitting Colin down for a man-to-man chat about his career as the credits to House Bunny scroll...

Natballs said...

I thought the House Bunny was so fucking retarded that it was hilarious. When Anna Ferris talks with the deep voice to remember names- BEST PART EVER

lbluca77 said...

I liked the House Bunny. My favorite part is when she says "The eyes are the nipples of the face."

BeckEye said...

Finally saw "Up in the Air" on Friday. I thought it was pretty damn good. As for the other one, haven't seen it and probably won't see it unless I'm drunk. Or when it comes to TV and it's on late one night and I'm too lazy to change the channel.

Herding Cats said...

I haven't seen House Bunny yet, but I think I will (when I'm in the mood for mindless entertainment). I really liked "Up in the Air." Was it Oscar material? Nah. But I thought it was clever. I do think your suggestions could have improved it though. Also, so true about George Clooney. My boyfriend acts like he is God. I wonder about that sometimes...

DSS said...

I have never had any interest in seeing House Bunny. Now I've got to watch it. Low expectations, of course, but its got to be done.

Up in the Air depressed the heck out of me. Some funny parts, sure, but overall....depressing.

Jenners said...

I loved "Up in the Air." It was funny and sad and real and it has Clooney. Sigh.

I had the sense not to watch "The House Bunny." Mr. Jenners did and even he said it sucked ... and he has abysmal taste.

Stephanie said...

I kind of liked House Bunny so now you are making me think I should give White Chicks a chance?

Anonymous said...

"Or the fact that we're supposed to believe Anna Farris is anywhere near attractive enough to be a Playboy Bunny"

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