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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

To discuss a breakdown of holiday classics and a dead John Ritter reference

As mentioned, the new poll is up. You've made (or are making) your selections for your favorite holiday movie. But perhaps you're on the fence and need a gentle push.
Let me be of assistance:
  • White Christmas: If you don't enjoy the music from this Bing Crosby classic, you probably hate kittens. My favorite song from this movie, actually, is "The Best Things Happen While Your Dancing."... I watched this movie on VHS as a kid at my grandparents house, all year long... because they didn't have cable and the only other option was "What About Bob," and you can only watch that movie so many times before thinking, "What About Me?!?!"
  • It's a Wonderful Life: The "angel gets its wings part" is crap-- angels get their wings by drinking Red Bull-- but it's hard to resist this small town tale of George Bailey pleading with God for a government bailout of his banking crisis, only to find out he's 73 years and a Bush administration too early.
  • A Christmas Story: My mom refuses to watch this movie because she thinks Ralphie actually gets his eye shot out... which would be AWESOME. Also, I love the pink bunny outfit and the terrifying Santa. And, if any of you are still searching for a gift for me, please buy me a leg lamp. With the rest of Natalie Portman attached.
  • Muppet Christmas Carol: Michael Caine delivers here, plain and simple. And the Penguin Christmas Skating Party? Are you kidding me? Do the good times ever stop?
  • National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation: Not a month goes by without my family quoting this Chevy Chase movie. It made me want to enroll in the Jelly of the Month club. And buy my own backyard swimming pool. And visit a mall to have a girl named Mary explain to me why there is a lingerie kiosk in the middle of the mall.
  • Just Friends: Ryan Reynolds sings "I Swear" in a fat suit. Anna Faris does her "If Britney had gone just a little more overboard and done more blow, here's how she would have acted if her manager forced her to spend Christmas in New Jersey." And the chick from "Airplane" is the mom.
  • The Santa Clause: This would be the perfect Christmas movie if it wasn't for that annoying kid. I wanted to punch him in his groin the entire movie for his precocious acting, but that's against child welfare laws. He'll get his. Oh, he'll get his.
  • The Family Stone: Family dysfunction, intertwining relationships, Claire Danes being hot, Diane Keaton with her amazing "This is my Diane Keaton acting class, watch out younger acting bitches, I was in that famous Woody Allen film" acting, Sarah Jessica Parker not being totally annoying, and Claire Danes being hot in a movie with Rachel McAdams being hot. Not that either is hotter than Capricorn, mind you.* She's hotter. And she never kissed Jared Leto.
  • Elf: For the "Baby It's Cold Outside" scene.
  • Bad Santa: Dead John Ritter: "Did one of you, um, fornicate?" Drunk Billy Bob Thornton: "Fornicate?" Ritter: "Yes, with a heavy-set woman in the big and tall dressing room." Thornton: "Look, I’ve boned a lot of fat chicks in my time sure, but uh, as far as I’ve recalled I’ve never fornicated anybody."
  • Love Actually: In the early going, this movie is taking the lead in the poll. Who knew it had such strong holiday pull? It does have that British charm to it, though. And I do love intertwining stories. Eh, why not? Love Actually, you're a modern holiday classic.
  • Die Hard: Not your typical holiday fare, but it is set during Christmas, and Carl Winslow is in it, and there's lots of bad German accents and Bruce Willis kicking ass and taking names. Ashton Kutcher must have loved this movie when he was a kid. "Hey, one day I'm going to be the step-dad to this guy's kids. And bang his ex-wife."
  • Miracle on 34th Street: I'm including this because it's a classic, not necessarily because I agree with its inclusion. How the Grinch Stole Christmas could have just as easily taken this spot, but the Jim Carrey remake left a sour taste in my mouth about all things Grinch. It tastes like Roast Beast.
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If you like movie posts, I've got a special co-post with Joshlos in the works that will be our holiday gift to you. What's that you hear? It's a heavenly host of angels pre-gaming.
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* It's our three-month anniversary today. She's tolerated me for three whole months. One of these days, she'll catch on that underneath my amazing physique and stunning good looks, I'm really just a geek who blogs about his dog and his fetish with 90's pop culture. Until then, I intend to make out with her as much as possible. And tell her "I love you" every day.**
** If you could all do me a favor, don't tell her I want a Natalie Portman leg lamp. That will be our Santa Secret, OK?

19 comments:

TishTash said...

My favorite part in White Christmas is when Vera Ellen taps her foot so fast that you can't even see it move. Magic! And no, I didn't have to google or imdb her name.

~Sheila~ said...

I was on the fence so I voted a couple of times. I DID, however, vote for my fave of faves FIRST!

FunnyGal KAT said...

Is it weird that I watch "A Christmas Story" every year (usually at least three times during the 24-hour marathon) with the secret hope that just this once Ralphie actually WILL shoot his eye out? How exciting would that be?!? Yes, I know, I'm a terrible person.

Congratulations on your three-month anniversary... that Capricorn sure is a glutton for punishment, huh? And just when should a couple stop celebrating "monthiversaries?" (The PH and I were discussing this while opening our 37th monthiversary presents the other night)

Jossie Posie said...

I love your end note on Capricorn. Happy Anniversary!! Make out for all of us who aren't.

Jest said...

Love, love, love Christmas Vacation. It's not Christmas until I get to watch that movie.
Love, love, love how sweet you are about Capricorn.

Heather Rose said...

Not that you need material, cause you're always entertaining, BUT I'M DESPARATE...I'm tagging you, Sir.

Simply because you're wacky, and I'd like to know 7 of your interesting little tid bits.

Have mercy?!?! ^__^

Heather Rose said...

And...
1) It's a Wonderful Life kills me EVERYTIME.
2) I love A Christmas Story. I tried that "soap poisoning" line once. Didn't pan out for me.
3) Michael Caine IS an honorary muppet.
4) I heart Chevy Chase.
"Can I getcha anything...take ya out in the middle of nowhere...leave ya for dead?"
5) My friends and I are having a Die Hard Christmas party this year!! We're starting a tradition.

Alright. I'll leave you alone now.

scargosun said...

I have a few in that list so I am going to abstain and instead watch the clssics that I have never seen and then form an opinion over the year.

Lump said...

I still, hands down, love A Christmas Story.

and well, I also love Kiera Knightley. :)

spleeness said...

dayum, I absolutely love your descriptions!! This had me cracking up out loud at work:

Anna Faris does her "If Britney had gone just a little more overboard and done more blow, here's how she would have acted if her manager forced her to spend Christmas in New Jersey."

HA!

sj said...

omg. et tu, andy?

i just had a facebook war over die hard being considered a christmas classic.

*sigh.

i actually prefer holiday inn over white christmas. and i also really love the bishop's wife. but otherwise, i'm going to have to vote for miracle on 34th street. because. it's santa, bitches.

So@24 said...

If you dont pick Die Hard, you're a damn fool.

"Ho ho ho. I have a machine gun"

Also, Love Actually is a given win for this survey.

All bloggers are women. You do the math.

*~Dani~* said...

Where is my Family Stone soulmate? Where are you? I see that two voted and I was one of them. Wherever you are, I now declare my undying love for you. My dysfunctional movie undying love that is.

Miss Tiff said...

Congrats on your 3 month anniversary!! :)

BeckEye said...

I had to vote for "It's a Wonderful Life," "Elf," and "Christmas Vacation." Reasons? Clarence, Ferrell, and SQUIRRELLLLLLL!!!

More reasons than that, but I was trying to be succinct for once.

LBluca77 said...

I love The Family Stone. I had it on my original xmas movie list, but then I watched Home Alone 2 and deleted it from the list.

Rachel McAdams is so good in it as she is in every movie she is in. I love when crazy SJP gives them all the picture of the mom prego. I think I might cry thinking about it.

*~Dani~* said...

LBluca - I feel the same way. And, yet, it is also a really funny movie. The scene where the brothers are chasing each other and all the stuffed dumped in the kitchen makes me laugh every single time.

Áine Caitríona said...

You're adorable. Capricorn is a lucky chick.

Also, It's A Wonderful Life scared the bejesus out of me. The only moral I gleaned from it is that Jimmy Stewart is a jerk and my money is safest when crammed in a mason jar on the top shelf of the pantry.

Cadence said...

Love Actually makes me so happy...why are the Brits always so much more clever than us???

And add my voice to chorus of congratulations, you adorable kids!

xoxo

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