Let me be of assistance:
- White Christmas: If you don't enjoy the music from this Bing Crosby classic, you probably hate kittens. My favorite song from this movie, actually, is "The Best Things Happen While Your Dancing."... I watched this movie on VHS as a kid at my grandparents house, all year long... because they didn't have cable and the only other option was "What About Bob," and you can only watch that movie so many times before thinking, "What About Me?!?!"
- It's a Wonderful Life: The "angel gets its wings part" is crap-- angels get their wings by drinking Red Bull-- but it's hard to resist this small town tale of George Bailey pleading with God for a government bailout of his banking crisis, only to find out he's 73 years and a Bush administration too early.
- A Christmas Story: My mom refuses to watch this movie because she thinks Ralphie actually gets his eye shot out... which would be AWESOME. Also, I love the pink bunny outfit and the terrifying Santa. And, if any of you are still searching for a gift for me, please buy me a leg lamp. With the rest of Natalie Portman attached.
- Muppet Christmas Carol: Michael Caine delivers here, plain and simple. And the Penguin Christmas Skating Party? Are you kidding me? Do the good times ever stop?
- National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation: Not a month goes by without my family quoting this Chevy Chase movie. It made me want to enroll in the Jelly of the Month club. And buy my own backyard swimming pool. And visit a mall to have a girl named Mary explain to me why there is a lingerie kiosk in the middle of the mall.
- Just Friends: Ryan Reynolds sings "I Swear" in a fat suit. Anna Faris does her "If Britney had gone just a little more overboard and done more blow, here's how she would have acted if her manager forced her to spend Christmas in New Jersey." And the chick from "Airplane" is the mom.
- The Santa Clause: This would be the perfect Christmas movie if it wasn't for that annoying kid. I wanted to punch him in his groin the entire movie for his precocious acting, but that's against child welfare laws. He'll get his. Oh, he'll get his.
- The Family Stone: Family dysfunction, intertwining relationships, Claire Danes being hot, Diane Keaton with her amazing "This is my Diane Keaton acting class, watch out younger acting bitches, I was in that famous Woody Allen film" acting, Sarah Jessica Parker not being totally annoying, and Claire Danes being hot in a movie with Rachel McAdams being hot. Not that either is hotter than Capricorn, mind you.* She's hotter. And she never kissed Jared Leto.
- Elf: For the "Baby It's Cold Outside" scene.
- Bad Santa: Dead John Ritter: "Did one of you, um, fornicate?" Drunk Billy Bob Thornton: "Fornicate?" Ritter: "Yes, with a heavy-set woman in the big and tall dressing room." Thornton: "Look, I’ve boned a lot of fat chicks in my time sure, but uh, as far as I’ve recalled I’ve never fornicated anybody."
- Love Actually: In the early going, this movie is taking the lead in the poll. Who knew it had such strong holiday pull? It does have that British charm to it, though. And I do love intertwining stories. Eh, why not? Love Actually, you're a modern holiday classic.
- Die Hard: Not your typical holiday fare, but it is set during Christmas, and Carl Winslow is in it, and there's lots of bad German accents and Bruce Willis kicking ass and taking names. Ashton Kutcher must have loved this movie when he was a kid. "Hey, one day I'm going to be the step-dad to this guy's kids. And bang his ex-wife."
- Miracle on 34th Street: I'm including this because it's a classic, not necessarily because I agree with its inclusion. How the Grinch Stole Christmas could have just as easily taken this spot, but the Jim Carrey remake left a sour taste in my mouth about all things Grinch. It tastes like Roast Beast.
If you like movie posts, I've got a special co-post with Joshlos in the works that will be our holiday gift to you. What's that you hear? It's a heavenly host of angels pre-gaming.
* It's our three-month anniversary today. She's tolerated me for three whole months. One of these days, she'll catch on that underneath my amazing physique and stunning good looks, I'm really just a geek who blogs about his dog and his fetish with 90's pop culture. Until then, I intend to make out with her as much as possible. And tell her "I love you" every day.**
** If you could all do me a favor, don't tell her I want a Natalie Portman leg lamp. That will be our Santa Secret, OK?