Tuesday, December 30, 2008

To discuss a Weekend Christmas Update, Question Style

1. It was Christmas morning, and I was driving around looking for chicken cordon bleu.
Was it because I:
a) Get pregnancy cravings
b) Needed to find a last-second dish to bring to Christmas dinner, and they were already out of roast beast and Christmas goose
c) Wanted to get an inside joke gift for Capricorn's dad, but the grocery store closed earlier than expected Christmas Eve, leaving me gift-less

2. I took Bailey to the vet on Saturday. When we got into the the exam room, Bailey:
a) Found a plush toy and humped it like he was trying to repopulate the earth with Muppets.
b) Let loose a stream of pee that soon became the sixth Great Lake, and then proceeded to stand in said yellow lake for dramatic effect.
c) Performed a soliloquy out of Macbeth

3. Capricorn and I went on a double-date on Saturday to see a live comedy show. The comedian joked that I probably have four chest hairs (only three, actually) and that Capricorn should:
a) Dump me for someone who doesn't like alcoholic beverages that require umbrellas and fruit
b) Go on Paris Hilton's My New BFF
c) Shove a Pepsi bottle in my ass because I'm probably into that

4. My family and Capricorn got me awesome presents for Christmas. I got a sweet DSLR camera that will enhance my ability to photograph strangers as they undress take walks in the park. Some other gifts are:
a) An electric shaver, a Griswold Family Christmas t-shirt and a gift certificate that my dad lost last year before Christmas and finally gave to me now.
b) The Hills on DVD, a Big Wheels, an animated blow-up doll, and your mom
c) Paintball lessons with Dwight Schrute, a hippo, my two front teeth, and your sister

5. There is another co-blog coming up Wednesday and Thursday, following up last week's Top 10 Sports Movie List with Joshlos. This time, Katie and I will write about:
a) Why any subsequent Batman sequel will just be a letdown unless one of the actors dies right before it opens, and how we think we can make this happen.
b) Why girls are silly if they wear booty shorts with "Juicy" on the butt and a low-cut shirt and then are mad that boys only want them for their bodies.
c) Our resolutions for the New Year, and our predictions for 2009, celebrity style.

Answer Key:
1. B: For a month, I had wanted to get her dad this gift, which is related to an inside joke about her mom never cooking him this dish. There was a frozen box of prepared chicken cordon bleu at the store that would've been perfect and sure to get laughs. The store closed early, and I had to go the gift card route. But he has a birthday in January, so I'll do it then.
2. B: The vet never blinked. She kept asking questions. And thanks for all the well wishes for Bailey. He'd thank you himself, but he's such a diva.
3. C: That show renewed my interest in doing improv or stand-up comedy someday.
4. A: I have a family full of good gift-giving. And if you're wondering, Capricorn got a Joe Flacco Baltimore Ravens jersey (exactly what she asked for... I had to special order it in the women's style), a DVD of Charlie Brown Christmas (which she absolutely loves to watch), and gold gloves, which she had been trying to find in stores for months.
5. C: And with Katie on board, it's sure to be hilarious.

There was a tie for first place in my Favorite Christmas Movie poll, so I'll run a special poll to break the tie, through the rest of the week. Get those votes in for Love Actually or Elf (really? None of the classics won?)


Sam_I_am said...

never saw the one with the Pepsi bottle coming. I had to read it three times to make sure I was seeing it clearly.

~Sheila~ said...

1) January birthday gift. You got luck there.

2) Who cleaned it up and did you panic a little?

3) What kind of fruity drinks?

4) You are a friggin awesome gift giver!

5) looking forward to it.

Amy xxoo said...

Wow - that Pepsi bottle line is on the " ouch " side of harsh. Did you manage to laugh it off whilst still keeping a little dignity ?

Also, much looking forward to your predictions for the New Year ( still undecided on where i would stand on the Batman issue though ).

SouthernBelle said...

Damn, I was sure it was going to be the booty shorts one.

Glad you had a great Christmas!

: )

Diane said...

I'm so smart. Got 'em all right... even the Pepsi bottle. I love comedy shows (but always sit in the back, away from the lights, 'cause, you know, I'm not stupid and all).

Sara said...

I think it would have been really fun if you were wearing the juicy shorts with an unzipped hoodie to show off your lack of chest hair all while going to the vet/Capricorns and the comedy show. Good times....

Lump said...

What? I will never look at a Pepsi bottle the same. And dude, pluck those three chest hairs, please. It just makes you look egotistical.

elle michelle said...

Ahhh, you got the DSLR, you lucky bastard!

TishTash said...

I failed your pop quiz. I hang my head in shame.

Word Ver: joyah (Joyah to the world. Christmas just won't quit)

JenBun said...

Dude, I WON! What did I win? The continued joy of reading your blog in the New Year? Awesome. Best gift ever! :)

Andy said...

Sam- Yes, he really did say that.
Sheila- 1) You're right 2) The vet assistant did and said it happens all the time 3) Any type of girly drink, like a Cosmo or a margarita 4) Thanks 5) I think you'll enjoy it
Amy- I don't embarrass easily, so it was no big deal. Funny, actually
Belle- It wasn't the right answer, but it's still true
Diane- You know me too well
Sara- I should have thought of that
Lump- It's the only manly thing I've got. Leave me alone.
Elle- Ha! I'll share though, if you ever want to visit
Tish- I still love you
Jen- No, I think I'm the winner here.

sj said...

awesome post. i found this format particularly fun.

pepsi bottle.

i have no words. for once.

Muse said...

this was a refreshingly fun way to blog.. maybe I'll copy you some day (and totally link you, don't worry - I give full credit).

if you die, can you write in your will that I get your new camera? I mean, I know we don't KNOW each other, but I really like taking pictures and I've been wanting a new camera for, like, ever. Not that I want you to die, because I just found your blog and you're funny.. so dying means no blogging. But it could mean a new camera for me. I'm just sayin'..

Anonymous said...

URGENT: I know you're a Top Model fan, check out my blog!! I don't even know you outside of the internet but I immediately thought of you when this happened!

Jenners said...

Cool post!

But I got very hung up on the gold gloves detail. Like metallic gold gloves? What would they go with?

Andy said...

SJ- You're speechless? Wow.
Muse- I like this format too- let me know if you want to try it. And I'll bequeath the camera to you. But I don't plan on dying.
Alexis- Everyone needs to check your site. Good find.
Jenners- Shimmery gold, not 80s flashy gold. They could go with lots of things- Capricorn is fashion savvy.

Muse said...

What the what?! Seriously, I get your camera?! I'm totally holding you to that. And not many people plan on dying.. it just happens. To everyone. That camera is MINE! :)

spleeness said...

I laughed for five minutes straight at 2b, I could totally picture it!

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