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Wednesday, January 21, 2009

To discuss a TV Play by Play: Bromance means crying, wrestling and candlelit dinners

Let's get right to it. It's this week's TV Play by Play of MTV's "Bromance." For last week's update, go here. Let's get bromantic...

:01 Just one minute in, we already see two dudes wrestling each other. On top of that, Gary, who has a fro, walks by with a towel wrapped around his hair like he's about to sing "Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee." Yep, Bromance is officially on.
:02 Brody gets in a bro-fight with his real two best friends, who are jealous they aren't invited to go camping with the Bromance dudes. A lover's quarrel. Maybe they'll have make-up sex.
:05 The challenge is for the guys to each box a tattooed, muscle-bound biker guy with his shirt off. It's almost like the producers are trying to make this as homoerotic as possible. The guys all have their shirts off, too, and, surprisingly, almost all of them look out of shape and pudgy. I suddenly feel better about my sleek self. Suck it, Cinnabon apple pie I ate almost entirely by myself last week.
:06 Femi, who continues to make black people cringe every time he speaks (see this post), says he'll have no problem boxing because "Back at home, it's hood-like for me. So this is just another day at the office." Femi, I've seen your MySpace page. Nothing about it says, "MTV True Life: I Grew Up in the Hood." It doesn't even appear you grew up in, say, the Fresh Prince's hood. I have more hood experience than you.
:15 The boys go camping and fishing. After they catch some bass, Femi guts them. Because when you grow up in the hood, you know how to gut someone with a knife, right, Femi? I'm trying to help you out here.
:18 Luke won the boxing challenge earlier, so he and Brody have a candlelit lobster dinner, one that Alex describes as "romantic." If two dudes go on a heterosexual but overtly gay dinner date, who pays? Do you go Dutch? Do you have to put out if the other guy pays? Questions to ponder.
:24 Brody reveals that his mom dated Elvis (the fat, almost dead Elvis) right before she dated the Olympian, Bruce Jenner. He also says he was conceived at the Playboy Mansion. I'm guessing Bruce Jenner isn't your dad, then, Brody. It's likely the pimp who owns that mansion.
:32 Brody plays a prank by slipping his gator inside while the boys are sleeping. And after he was done with that euphemism, he slipped an alligator into the tent where the guys are sleeping.
:36 Brody brings in a life coach! That dude is stealing my job. He has the guys grab hands and talk about their emotions. The guys all end up crying. Guys are allowed to cry, but I have never seen dudes cry as much as I have on this show. It's like they are all PMSing at the same time. Maybe their cycles have synced.
:48 It's elimination time. There are girls in bikinis lounging by tubs. Again, I wonder, are these girls actual friends of his, or are they paid? There continue to be random girls on this show, with no mention of why they are there. It would be like the Deal or No Deal girls showing up at your work to hold up spreadsheets and file folders. On second thought...
:55 Each guy who is safe gets to sit with a girl in a tub. Gary, alas, doesn't get to, because Brody sends him home. I'd tell you more, but I'm distracted by Brody's perfect complexion and his wavy hair.... no... no... nOO! He's luring me in!

Next week on Bromance, the boys model clothes for Brody. It just can't get better.

11 comments:

Paula said...

Haha, the line about the guy with the towel on his head cracked me up!!!

And modelling CLOTHES next week??? Seriously, what's next?

I'm not sure I WANT to know . . .

And yet, strangely, I do!

FunnyGal KAT said...

It's almost like the producers came up with a concept for a show, started filming... and then were like, "Oh crap, what do we do now?" So they sit around and say things like, "Well, guys like to... do outdoor things. We'll make them fish! Once, my brother got in a fight with some dude... we'll make them fight! My gay cousin plans these romantic dates for his boyfriend... we'll make them eat lobster by candlelight!"

This show is awesome only for how much more ridiculous it gets every week (but not awesome enough for me to actually watch it... I save my very precious time for life-changing shows like "The Oldest of 26 Duggar Children Enters Into An Arranged Marriage With A Girl Who Has Never Even Spoken To Him Let Alone Kissed Him or Held Hands." Like I said, life-changing.

Miss Fabulous said...

Lovely account as always! I'm still rooting for my man Luke. Do you have his myspace page? :)

Jest said...

FunnyGal Kat's comment is priceless and it sums up the show quite nicely.
Who do you think is going to win, Andy? I know you must have an opinion on this.

kate said...

Wait wait wait - he tossed out Gary?! I'm sort of upset by that, from the ONE episode I watched, Gary was my favorite. Must not have been bromosexual for Brody. sigh!

Any reason I had to actually see the show is gone now, which might actually be a positive thing. I haven't seen it since the first or second episode. No need to waste time watching when I can get all the highlights from your play by plays!

By the way - ANTM looks like it's coming back soon!

*~Dani~* said...

A quick look at the picture of Gary and I thought it was Dawson.

LBluca77 said...

They model clothes?!?! Jeez way to strip away their last shred of dignity.

Lump said...

I'm starting to believe you truly enjoy this show. And are wishing you had a Bromance...

Liz said...

Yep, Andy, my boy... you are way too into this show... I think you are using us your loving readers as a cover up...lol...

BTW, I'm totally hooked on your play by plays so use me as an excuse to watch!

Ben said...

As a gay man, I'm starting to feel like my life isn't living up to the example that Brody is setting. I'm actually getting kinda depressed.

JenBun said...

It would be better if they actually sang "Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee"!!!

And this dude has 2 REAL best friends?!? Still???

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