Let's get right to it. It's this week's TV Play by Play of MTV's "Bromance." For last week's update, go here. Let's get bromantic...
:01 Just one minute in, we already see two dudes wrestling each other. On top of that, Gary, who has a fro, walks by with a towel wrapped around his hair like he's about to sing "Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee." Yep, Bromance is officially on.
:02 Brody gets in a bro-fight with his real two best friends, who are jealous they aren't invited to go camping with the Bromance dudes. A lover's quarrel. Maybe they'll have make-up sex.
:05 The challenge is for the guys to each box a tattooed, muscle-bound biker guy with his shirt off. It's almost like the producers are trying to make this as homoerotic as possible. The guys all have their shirts off, too, and, surprisingly, almost all of them look out of shape and pudgy. I suddenly feel better about my sleek self. Suck it, Cinnabon apple pie I ate almost entirely by myself last week.
:06 Femi, who continues to make black people cringe every time he speaks (see this post), says he'll have no problem boxing because "Back at home, it's hood-like for me. So this is just another day at the office." Femi, I've seen your MySpace page. Nothing about it says, "MTV True Life: I Grew Up in the Hood." It doesn't even appear you grew up in, say, the Fresh Prince's hood. I have more hood experience than you.
:15 The boys go camping and fishing. After they catch some bass, Femi guts them. Because when you grow up in the hood, you know how to gut someone with a knife, right, Femi? I'm trying to help you out here.
:18 Luke won the boxing challenge earlier, so he and Brody have a candlelit lobster dinner, one that Alex describes as "romantic." If two dudes go on a heterosexual but overtly gay dinner date, who pays? Do you go Dutch? Do you have to put out if the other guy pays? Questions to ponder.
:24 Brody reveals that his mom dated Elvis (the fat, almost dead Elvis) right before she dated the Olympian, Bruce Jenner. He also says he was conceived at the Playboy Mansion. I'm guessing Bruce Jenner isn't your dad, then, Brody. It's likely the pimp who owns that mansion.
:32 Brody plays a prank by slipping his gator inside while the boys are sleeping. And after he was done with that euphemism, he slipped an alligator into the tent where the guys are sleeping.
:36 Brody brings in a life coach! That dude is stealing my job. He has the guys grab hands and talk about their emotions. The guys all end up crying. Guys are allowed to cry, but I have never seen dudes cry as much as I have on this show. It's like they are all PMSing at the same time. Maybe their cycles have synced.
:48 It's elimination time. There are girls in bikinis lounging by tubs. Again, I wonder, are these girls actual friends of his, or are they paid? There continue to be random girls on this show, with no mention of why they are there. It would be like the Deal or No Deal girls showing up at your work to hold up spreadsheets and file folders. On second thought...
:55 Each guy who is safe gets to sit with a girl in a tub. Gary, alas, doesn't get to, because Brody sends him home. I'd tell you more, but I'm distracted by Brody's perfect complexion and his wavy hair.... no... no... nOO! He's luring me in!
Next week on Bromance, the boys model clothes for Brody. It just can't get better.
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