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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

To discuss a movie review: Fast & Furious Fun

If the original "The Fast and The Furious" was all about street racing, fast women, testosterone and Ja Rule's fleeting acting career...
If "2 Fast 2 Furious" was all about Miami sun, scantily clad women, car chases, and Tyreese's fleeting acting career...
If "Fast and Furious: Toyko Drift" was all about Japanese culture, scantily clad Asian women, drifting and Bow Wow's fleeting acting career...
Then the latest "Fast & Furious" is all about...

A) A return to street racing, fast women, testosterone, and Michelle Rodriguez's fleeting acting career
B) A infusion of Girls Gone Wild-style background actors, armed robbery on the highway, death-defying stunts, and Paul Walker's fleeting acting career
C) The rekindling of American interest in muscle cars, the use of a mediocre drug lord as the villain, the use of a main character's death to spark a storyline, and Jordana Brewster's fleeting acting career.
D) Boobs, cars and Vin Diesel's impressive biceps
E) All of the above

After watching the fourth installment in the "Fast and Furious" franchise, I'm going to have to go with E.

And that's just fine with me.

You see, I saw the first F&F as a high schooler, with my family. We fell in love with the movie as a kind of "sure it's not well-acted or scripted, but that's a sweet car chase!" movie. Since then, it's become somewhat of an inside joke to refer to the movie, as we joked about adding NOS to our cars, boosting cars in parking lots and street racing.

I was glad to see the latest F&F will help us continue the inside jokes for years to come. The new movie has most of the original cast, although Ja Rule is M.I.A., a glaring omission that really had... no impact on the movie whatsoever.

You want Vin Diesel*? He's here, after making a cameo in the "Tokyo Drift" installment. Diesel's Dominic Toretto and his girlfriend, Letty (Michelle "I rack up D.U.I's like you rack up calories" Rodriguez), are back to their old tricks at the start of the movie, hijacking moving trucks on the highway for money in the Dominican Republic.

But (SPOILER ALERT...well, whatever, it's not going to stop you from watching) Toretto realizes he has to get out of town before he gets caught. Soon, he finds out Letty was murdered by some drug runners who hired her to smuggle coke over the Mexican border.

This sets the *cough* plot *cough* in motion. Brian (Paul Walker), who still works for the FBI even though in "2 Fast" he broke about every rule you could as a cop, including banging the enemy, is hunting down the same guy Toretto is looking for, so they eventually join forces. Toretto's sister, Mia (Jordana Brewster), also is around to create some nice sexual tension for Brian.

I'd tell you more about the plot, but that's not why you'd see this movie. You'd see it to:
  • Look at the amazing cars, so as to remind you that some people aren't affected by the recession and can drop thousands on upgrading their Mitsubishi.
  • Watch an absurdly high number of attractive people all congregate in the same venues, night after night, in a well-orchestrated street racing operation. I worry about getting busted going 10 mph over the speed limit, and yet scores of people can having an underground racing life where they drive as fast as possible every weekend, with few repercussions.
  • Watch hot women make out, despite having nothing to do with the plot (Sample F&F producers meeting: "We really need to find a way to breathe life into this franchise... Hey, I got it. Those hot chicks we always have in scenes? Let's have them make out! And, let's have Vin Diesel's love interest not wear a bra, with a shirt more transparent than glass!")
  • Revel in unreal car chases... This F&F outdoes itself with some insane stunts, none of which would be physically possible but are still fun to watch.**
For pure entertainment value, it's one of the better F&F installments. Hey, it made $70 million on the opening weekend, and my theater was sold out last Friday, too. You either love these movies, or you hate them. And be prepared to love or hate them more... they are already planning on a fifth one, which will probably be: Fast cars, exotic women, impossible stunts and fill-in-the-blank's fleeting acting career.

* Vin Diesel's cool name always makes me want to change my name to "Andy Gasoline" or "Andy Hybrid Electric," but it doesn't have the same ring.
** It also makes you want to spin out in the parking lot and rev your engine unnecessarily... which I, along with many other guys who saw the movie, did immediately after the movie ended. And yeah, it felt good. Real good.

11 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

Can't believe how much money that movie made first weekend out.

Heather said...

Nice review :)
But I doubt I'll rush out to see it. In fact, I think the only one I've seen is the very first one. It was decent (aka: I thought Paul Walker was hot.)
Maybe I should rent the others and have a F&F marthon. Think one person can handle that much testosterone, fast cars and scantily clad women in one day?

Kellie said...

You forgot the number one reason women would watch this movie: Paul Walker. Sure his acting isn't top notch but hot damn is he a looker.

Oh and my hubs does spin/burn outs all the time. I tell him hes a dork and he still does it. Is that a man thing?

Amy xxoo said...

Forget the cars, the boobs and the fast paced action.... I'll go see anything that features Vin Diesels bulging biceps and beautiful bald head.

Yes, even " The Pacifier ".

Andy said...

I like Paul Walker mainly just because he likes to surf in El Salvador's beaches.

But it's his secret. That's what he told E! Don't tell anyone.

LBluca77 said...

The first and second movies were good. The tokyo one I watched for about 12 minutes then I was out. That one was horrible.

Probably won't see this new one until it comes out on DVD. But I think these movies are entertaining and there is some good eye candy with the mens in the movie.

Nick James said...

I think you are going to be just as successful as the movie was! You are awesome, stop by!

The Logarithmic Spiral said...

I swear I'm turning into a man...I want to see this movies for the cars, stunts, and Diesel only falls at the bottom of the list... think I'm going to see it with Trevs when I'm in P-burgh this weekend.

Finger Talks said...

i have a nypho school girl crush on vin diesel. I admit i only saw the movie because one day i want be able to say i loved you in that movie while im ravaging his manly body. Oh and i like cars.

TishTash said...

I'm sorry Andy. I've never seen any one of them. Can we still be friends?

Jenners said...

You sold me! My only question is would it be appropriate for my 4-year-old who likes cars? I'm thinking YES!

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