To discuss spam fame that comes for just $19.95

With great Snuggie fame, comes a great Snuggie price (only $19.95! I jest.)

Yesterday afternoon, I got more spam than a homeless shelter. A dude named Ed, who from this point forward in the post will be referred to as D-Bag, left a spam comment, more or less like the one at the bottom, on about 35 of my posts. At one point, it had Chinese symbols, and now it's all this numbering crap.

Yet I find this to be a good thing.

Why? Well, just as it did then, spam inspires me. So, as I head off for a two-day reporters conference, I leave you with this, and a task. Please leave a comment with what you think D-Bag was trying to so desperately tell us. Now, logic would say that, given the symbols were all just hyperlinks to spam sites, he was just a simple spammer. But I think D-Bag had a deeper message for all of us.

My translation:
Dear Wild ARS Chase,
Your Snuggie post reminded me of my time as an infant, wrapped in a blanket as my mother/sister breastfed me. It also reminded me of how she breastfed me yesterday, but that's neither here nor there.
I just thought I'd leave this extended message to let you know that somewhere out there, there's a man who's heart is hurting deeply, so deeply he can only communicate in cryptic, unreadable blog comments. Wouldn't you feel the same, if you had thought your whole life that Charlotte the spider was going to live happily ever after with Wilbur, only to watch helplessly as she dies? Or discover that Zack and Kelly were only fictitious characters and that they didn't actually go to prom together in real life? Life's just not fair.
Speaking of fair, I decided to spam many of your posts, to spread the spam love. I also am touching myself at this exact moment, so as to spread a different kind of love. But that's neither here nor there.
I hope this spam finds you well, and that you forgive me for its length and confusion. I hope we can meet again someday, although I see you have since turned on word verification. Word verification is evil. It reminds me of when I was in school and the teacher would make fun of me because I couldn't read. I don't know what was so funny-- a lot of teenagers can't read. But that's neither here nor there.
Take care, and tell your readers I'm sorry that I caused word verification to get turned back on. But they are welcome to leave word verification definitions if they want.
Love, D-Bag


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