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Thursday, October 1, 2009

To discuss a TV Play by Play: Top Model 13 Ep. 5

It's the Tyra photo shoot on "America's Next Top Model." Time for Tyra to remind us that she's the best photographer ever. Let's jump into the TV Play by Play. Here's last week's recap, if you missed it.

And here's the nickname reminder (explanation in season premiere recap): Mommy (Rae), Black Sheep (Nicole), Miss Congeniality (Jennifer), Lady Luck (Ashley), Mena (Erin), Headlights (Rachel), The Widower (Laura), Lelly (Kara), NC-17 (Brittany), Hot Fudge Sundae (Sundai) Pouty McPouterson (Bianca)

Eliminated: Understudy (Lisa), Headlights (Rachel), Spirit Fingers (Courtney) and The L Word (LuLu) (Interviews with all these girls over at Real Blogger)

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:03 "My boob's about to pop out," Lelly says while looking at her winning photo on the wall. I thought the same thing! It was like Beyonce's magical, stay-in-place cleavage on her MTV Video Music Awards performance.

:05 Tyra mail still comes in paper form. After 13 cycles, you'd think she'd send it on e-mail or Twitter.

:06 The girls learn how to do smoky eye makeup from professional makeup guy Sam Fine. He does The Widower's one eye, and she looks like she got in a street fight. Sexy.

:07 This has to be the only reason Nigel has ever had to go to Wal-mart ... The challenge: Run around Wal-mart on fake go-sees. Hey, maybe they'll see people like this. Anyway, there are four stations the girls have to stop at: clothes, shoes, make-up, hunting gear and photo, with fewer items than girls at each station. Like musical chairs, except its musical models.

:10 I haven't seen this much exposed underwear... since the last time I was at Wal-mart.

:16 The girls pushed, pulled and cheated their way to the finish line- Mena, Pouty McPouterson, and Hot Fudge Sundae make it, with Lady Luck losing out after Mena hid her photo. Mena made no apologies for it-- I like it. Hot Fudge Sundae wins, earning a $1,000 Wal-mart gift card, the best prize so far this season, by far.

:22 It's time for the photo challenge. Tyra is the photographer, which is Tyra's favorite part of Tyra's show (If you weren't sure of that, look at the episode title). The focus is on beauty modeling, which Tyra says "is all about the face." To me, it looks like doing a bunch of sexy Facebook profile photos.

:25 A twist: Tyra will pick a top photo at the end of the shoot, instead of waiting for judging. Someone will get immunity ASAP. Or, as its known in reality competitions, "taking all the mystery out of the episode."

:28 The girls all are wearing head scarves. NC-17 has to wear hers over her face. For her, it's for artistic effect. For me, that would just mean they are trying to hide my face. The scarves idea is genius. I mean, nobody's ever, ever done a photo shoot with silk scarves before. Except for a lot of people.

:33 After each shoot finishes, Tyra rehashes each girl's performance, wearing the scarf and saying weird things. I'll let this photo speak for itself.

:35 NC-17 wins ANOTHER challenge, getting immunity for the week. She's the Lebron James of Cycle 13, except she has yet to nab her own Sprite commercial. As a reward, she gets an extra photo shoot for tyrabanks.com with two male models Tyra "discovered." Tyra makes a joke about the girls probably wanting to jump the guys because they haven't been around a man for so long. Well, technically, they've been around Miss J and Jay Manuel, but, well...

:43 Judging time, with guest judge China Chow. As noted, NC-17 has the top shot and walks up to get her photo. Miraculously, she doesn't keel over after Tyra congratulates her, what with all the daggers shot into her back by jealous girls behind her.

:46 Widower gets mocked for her crazy, striped, romper with midriff outfit, made by her grandma, Wanda Sue. Miss J can't get enough of Widower talking about her country roots. Me too, Miss J, me too. Widower cracks me up.:52 After NC-17, it's Miss Congeniality, Mommy, Black Sheep, Mena (who I thought was going home because they kept showing her so much earlier on), Widower, Hot Fudge Sundae and Lelly.

:56 That leaves Lady Luck and Pouty. Tyra says Pouty's face is too hard in photo, and that Lady Luck was the most difficult to shoot... but Lady Luck gets to stay, as Pouty's lucky streak of evading the bottom two runs out.

8 comments:

BeckEye said...

Shit shit shit. I keep forgetting to watch this season. Maybe I'm finally experiencing ANTM Burnout. I can't seem to smile with my eyes anymore - I think that's the first symptom.

Soda and Candy said...

"This has to be the only reason Nigel has ever had to go to Wal-mart."

Truer words were never spoken, my friend.

That Wanda Sue bit was brilliant, I loved it.

Also, Tyra likes to talk about Tyra. Tyra Tyra Tyra.

Andy said...

Beck- I'm the same way with So You Think You Can Dance right now- the new fall season is too close to the summer season.
Soda- Seriously, I don't think Nigel has ever been in a Wal-mart. He must have thought, "WTH, we are getting makeup here?"

Children of the 90s said...

I keep forgetting about it too. There are so many goddamn seasons it's becoming incredibly difficult to keep it straight. I love the part about the facebook poses though, I'm sure it's true. It's the only way any of us know how to pose these days.

Kellie said...

Typical facebook pose: suck in cheeks, pout lips and look seductive.

MY typical facebook pose: alcoholic beverage in hand, eyes slightly droopy due to consumption, mouth wide open either yelling or smiling way too big.

Guess I won't be making it on ANTM anytime soon. Dang.

Jill Pilgrim said...

I would like to request a play by play of the new season of The Hills. You do take requests, right?

LiLu said...

I am so, so sad B blackballed this from our TV roster.

amindinmotown said...

I should probably go back and read all of these, as I've still yet to watch a single episode. Man I'm behind. You keep up better with chick-TV than I do. Well done...

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