To discuss a list of songs I just downloaded on iTunes, including holiday classics and ... a Gossip Girl?

On Saturday night, after a day of shoveling a foot of snow (needless to say, a foot of snow and chihuahuas don't mix... sorry, Bailey), I decided to hit up iTunes.
Usually, when I'm adding a song on iTunes, I have something specific in mind. It could be the latest Eminem song, or a holiday song, or Leighton Meester's debut singleohcrapdidtheyhearmesaythatofcoursetheydidandyitsablognotapodcastdummy.

This time, I got a little random. Consider:
50 Cent: I Get Money; In Da Club
Explanation: I just saw "Get Rich or Die Tryin," which should be retitled "Get Bored or Die Trying to Copy 8 Mile." Terrible movie. 50 Cent enunciates with all the veracity of a 15-year-old lisper with braces. But his music is as catchy as herpes at a kissing booth.

Metric: Gold Girls Guns
Explanation: Such a memorable chorus line: "All the gold, and the girls, and the guns, in the world, couldn't get you off." It should be Viagra's next theme song.

Phoenix: Lisztomania
Explanation: Little known fact- Phoenix has a song that's better than the one currently being whored out on commercials.

Leighton Meester: Somebody to Love
Explanation: Capricorn loves this song, and we usually use my iPod. I reminded her that I do as much singing in this song as Leighton does, but Capricorn loves it anyway. It's kinda catchy. And Robin Thicke is in it, so that's a bonus.

And then I downloaded the last round of holiday tunes for the year. Every holiday season, I add a few more songs to my stable of Christmas music, always looking for new stuff.*

* New stuff can never, ever include any crappy remake of what was once a very good song. I'm looking at you, Ashley Tisdale's "Last Christmas."

Here's what made the cut this year; some of these songs I have loved for a long time but only got around to adding them now.

Bob Rivers: 12 Pains of Christmas
Explanation: I'm not big on spoof Christmas songs, but the second day of Christmas guy rigging the lights gets me every time. "Why the hell are they all blinking!?!"

Choir of King's College: God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen; Coventry Carol; Away in a Manger
Harry Simeone Chorale: Little Drummer Boy
Explanation: I am a sucker for choir music, being that I miss being in a choir. In particular, I love the Vienna Boys Choir, but feel I need to mix in adult choirs to lessen the suspicion of Megan's Law watchdogs.

Ray Charles: That Spirit of Christmas
Explanation: I've heard thing song a million times in "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" (one of the best Christmas movies of all time, let's just get that out of the way). Only now did I put 2 and 2 together and figure out this Ray Charles song is the one in the movie. Duh.

James Taylor: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Explanation: Although I love this version, I debated getting this, as I worried that would be an admittance that I am now closer to my 30s than my 20s, as what other reason would I have for listening to James Taylor. But screw it.

Side note: I have five versions of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." They are the defining versions and must all be adored, as it is the law in several states and the Republic of Congo.
The artists are: Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, Judy Garland, James Taylor and Mel Torme. Case closed.

As a bonus Christmas gift, here's a list of 2o-plus songs that constitute what I call my "Holiday Soft" mix. No loud or electronically-driven music allowed (again, Ashley Tisdale, shut your mouth before I shove mistletoe down it with my Piper's Piping.) Although there's a duplication of some songs, each is done in a unique way so that it's a different experience; that's exactly the opposite effect of watching a Home Alone sequel. Please play these by the fireside while opening presents or worshiping baby Jesus or berating relatives. Even when you're drinking eggnog, using your tears to wash it down, this can be a nice mix.
For those interested, many of these songs can be found in my "Holiday Slow" iMix for download (it didn't let me include all of them).

1. Bing Crosby: White Christmas
2. Bing Crosby: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
3. Boyz II Men: Silent Night
4. Charlie Brown Christmas Soundtrack: Christmas Time Is Here
5. Choir of King's College: Coventry Carol
6. Dan Fogelberg: Same Auld Lang Syne
7. David Bowie/Bing Crosby: Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy
8. Frank Sinatra: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
9. Frank Sinatra: I'll Be Home for Christmas
10. Harry Simeone Chorale: Little Drummer Boy
11. Home Alone Soundtrack: O Holy Night
12. Home Alone Soundtrack: Star of Bethlehem
13. James Taylor: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
14. Nat King Cole: The Christmas Song
15. NSync: O Holy Night
16. Judy Garland: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
17. Ray Charles: That Spirit of Christmas
18. Sara Bareilles: Winter Song
19. Mel Torme: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
20. Sarah McLachlan: Silent Night
21. Trans Siberian Orchestra: Pachebel Christmas Canon
22. Vienna Boys Choir: We Three Kings
23. Vienna Boys Choir: What Child Is This

To discuss Christmas songs, Fa la la la la, la la la already?

I was quick to write Thanksgiving a letter last week to apologize for Christmas stealing the proverbial holiday thunder.

At the same time, I should confess I've been singing Christmas music for a week now. Before you throw flaming crosses and ninja stars at me, let me explain.

No, it's not because the motherf&*@$# GAP decided it's the holiday shopping season.* It's because I'm singing in a trio now, and we're got a holiday program coming up. Unlike the Bayside Choir, we can't simply just ask Tori Spelling to guest star and hide a malfunctioning boom box beneath the risers. We've got to practice.

For my solos so far, I'll be doing "I'll Be Home for Christmas," "The Christmas Song," and possibly "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" or "Christmas Time Is Here." I've also got a bunch of duets to practice, from "White Christmas" to "Silent Night."

And I'm also doing the David Bowie part in the Bing Crosby duet, "Peace on Earth"; my partner doesn't agree with me she should smoke a pipe and say things like "Yes, that's swell," or "Get back here boy before I beat you with my belt." I guess she's not as committed as I am... I was planning to dress like Ziggy Stardust.

Not considered, because it's the devil's music: "Christmas Shoes."

So I've been listening to Christmas music in my car as preparation. And that brings me to the new poll. What Christmas song played a month or more in advance would make you feel like murdering someone?

For instance, if someone played "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" in a grocery store right now, I'd amputate my arm and beat a baby senseless with it. But if I heard "Carol of the Bells" from the Home Alone soundtrack, I'd be in the holiday spirit and may even donate to the Salvation Army.**

So take a minute and vote in the poll on the right side. And a Merry November to you and yours.

* Capricorn loves this non-holiday GAP commercial with Juliette Lewis. I prefer the "Fall Into the Gap" years.


** Dear Salvation Army: When you put an ATM swipe machine on top of your kettle, you will get a donation from me. Until then, stop making me feel guilty for your lack of technology, just because I don't carry cash. I haven't carried cash in five years. I am considering putting a competing, ATM-ready kettle beside yours, with a sign saying "Donations Go to Support Child Molesters In Need." And I'd still blow you out of the water.