To discuss a year in review, with the top music, TV and movies... and the worst

Everyone and their mother, as well as their step-mother, baby mama, and their sugar mama, has been making lists to celebrate the demise of 2009.

Some even more adventurous people have been doing best of the decade stuff, which I think are a tad ridiculous. I was in high school a decade ago. My tastes in everything - my taste in girls- were all different. I had freaking braces a decade ago. How could I possibly evaluate what was good at the start of the decade, when I was basically a different person? And how can you compare, say, the hottest women of the decade - some of them were in middle school at the beginning of the decade. I guess you could rank middle school girls now to get a head start on 2020, while I'll get a head start on 2035 by ranking fetuses.

What I can do is look back at 2009, using my ever-handy Month in Reviews (minus May, which I skipped), and show you my list of the best music, TV and movies I experienced. Some of these were made before 2009, but I heard/watched them now, so I figure that counts. I mean, who has the time to check out all the new movies the same year they are released? Out of the top 10 grossing movies this year, I haven't seen any of them (nor will I for some, as there's no good reason to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen unless the "fallen" indicates Megan Fox's shirt, and even then, she'd still be talking, so what's the point?).

At the bottom, you'll find some of the worst stuff that came out in 2009. I was hard-pressed to think of bad movies, as I tend not to pay to watch crappy new movies, as I tend not to be rich.

What do you think of my selections? Can you offer some suggestions? Do not try to disagree about my inclusion of "Jersey Shore," or we'll have a Situation.

Best Music:
December: "Forever" Drake; "Shake It Out" Manchester Orchestra (Ed. note: Not included: Christmas Shoes.)
November: "In Case of Rapture" As Tall As Lions
October: "Wishing Well" Airborne Toxic Event
September: "Make Her Say" Kid Cudi (Ed. note: Yeah, everybody did a remix of "Poker Face," but this was among the better ones. Even if Kanye was on it.)
August: "Ignorance" Paramore
July: "Old White Lincoln" Gaslight Anthem
June: "Panic Switch" Silversun Pickups
April: "Zero" Yeah Yeah Yeahs
March: "Crack the Shutters" Snow Patrol
February: "Blue Ridge Mountains" Fleet Foxes (Ed. note: Kind of like the Beach Boys for the 2000s)
January: "A Milli," Lil Wayne; "In My Head," Your Vegas

Best TV:
December: Jersey Shore; Teen Mom (Ed. note: Jersey Shore is all the things we love about Real World, without the thinly veiled promise of emotional depth. Snookie gets punched in the face! The Situation has too many girls trying to get in his hot tub! J-Woww saw Pauly D's little Italian! Ronnie is an obvious HGH user! ... Teen Mom, on the other hand, is the best of True Life and one of the most accurate portrayals of lower middle class/working poor teen life I've seen. Plus, I love Gary, who most recently got slapped in the face by Amber. Love you, Gar!)
November: Tabatha's Salon Takeover (Ed. note: Bravo's best reality show)
October: Curb Your Enthusiasm; It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Ed. note: Charlie: "I'm a full on rapist." Disturbed date: "You mean a philanthropist?")
September: Community
August: Hard Knocks (Ed. note: This year, it focused on the Cincinatti Bengals ... who went on this NFL season to win their division while also suffering the death of teammate Chris Henry)
July: So You Think You Can Dance
June: True Blood; 16 and Pregnant
April: Eastbound and Down (Ed. note: I'm Kenny F*$@%@$ Powers)
March: Make Me a Supermodel; Big Love (Ed. note: MMS is everything Top Model wants to be, plus it actually uses the catwalk every episode; Big Love is one of the best written shows around)
February: American Idol
January: Property Virgins (Ed. note: I'd say this is a guilty pleasure, but I don't feel guilty for watching. I feel wonderful. That, and Sandra has such nicely-tailored outfits. I feel I should reward her by watching.)

Best Movie:
December: It's Complicated; Julie and Julia (Ed. note: My whole family went to see It's Complicated, and we all liked it. John Krasinski has a funny line every time he speaks, and who doesn't like Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin?)
November: Australia; The Goods
October: Zombieland (Ed. note: Humor and zombies and Bill Murray and Twinkies. There isn't a downside.)
September: I Love You, Man; Adventureland
August: Eagle Eye
July: The Proposal (Ed. note: Much better than it needed to be. Ryan Reynolds is the most underrated actor in Hollywood. Right? Well, he and Mark Paul Gosselaar.)
June: Star Trek
April: The Reader
March: Fast and Furious (Ed. note: I was 18 when the first Fast and Furious came out. And I still love it. That means either the movies have matured as I've grown older, or I haven't matured as more movies came out. Let's be real and go with B.)
February: Pineapple Express; He's Just Not That Into You
January: The Wrestler (Ed. note: Just watched it again on HBO. Marisa Tomei is incredibly naked the entire movie. And yet, Mickey Rourke is the most mesmerizing thing on screen. How is that possible?)

Among the worst:
TV:
NYC Prep, Bravo
This had all the worst qualities of Bravo reality shows, namely "Real Housewives," all rolled into one. Pretentious, snobby kids. Drama over non-events. Greediness. Shallowness. Bad hair. Talking about poor people but really meaning middle class people. More bad hair. Names that make you want to gag.

Runner-up: Accidentally on Purpose, CBS

Movie:
Bride Wars
I expect this from Kate Hudson, but Anne Hathaway? She didn't have a better script available? The whole movie made it seem like women will stop at nothing to get the perfect wedding, even at the expense of their best friend. And that women care more about the wedding than the man they are marrying. And that Kate Hudson is desirable.

Music:
"No Surprise" Daughtry
I generally don't hold a grudge when a really bad song is successful, as sometimes people like to play stuff that is so bad, it's good, i.e. "Party in the USA." But "No Surprise" isn't that. It's not a poorly crafted song. It's just mediocre. And it sounds like every Creed knock-off already out there. That's a far worse offense. Let's face it. Chris Daughtry is still moping for losing out to Taylor Hicks, Katherine McLegs and the Amish Guy.
Runner-up:
"Fire Burning" Sean Kingston; "I Gotta Feeling" Black Eyed Peas

To discuss another Lump in My Ars: 2009 Predictions

I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year's celebration... wait, what? You didn't? It was boring/depressing/anticlimactic? That's because New Year's is overrated. You don't see us holding a massive celebration when January becomes February, or when Thursday becomes Friday. Most New Years celebrations I've been to have ended with me kissing no one, feeling awkward and wondering if Dick Clark is going to make it much longer.

But that's all in the past. It's 2009. And it's time for the second half of the Lump in the ARS co-blog with the hilarious Katie. If you missed it, here's the first half with our resolutions. Now, it's our 2009 Predictions Sure to Come True, Unless They Don't.
(Katie will have her predictions on She's Lump)....

Andy's Predictions:

1. After Obama takes office, white Americans will grow gravely concerned about whether it's cool to call Barack "black" or if "African American" is the right term, fearful of offending minorities. Political pundits will go out of their way to avoid referencing Obama's race and come up with new P.C. terms: "Listen, Barack is doing a great job representing his people. Wait, by his people, I mean Americans, not uh, well, you know, the people that are, um, came across the ocean, um, you know, non-white... Uh, the night-colored community." The black community will laugh at us crazy crackers.

K: It is possible the black community already thinks white people are crazy crackers. Case in point: we had one crazy cracker named Bush in office for eight years. That should say enough. By the way, 19 days left of that crazy cracker.
ARS: So, you voted for McCain?
K: OK, now you are one Crazy Cracker.

2. The networks will cancel a show you like and justify it by low ratings, despite a fervent following. You'll point out that "According to Jim," Gary Unmarried" and "Ghost Whisperer" are still on the air despite all logic against them. Oh, and "E.R." will miraculously come back for another season after NBC's failed medical reality drama, "The Real Proctologists of Orange County," sucks ass. Literally.

K: I have to disagree about "The Real Proctologists of Orange County." I think that show would do very well. It would be like "Dr. 90210" except the Proctologist is googly-eyed over a piece of ass instead of boobs. Because I hate it when men are googly-eyed over my boobs.
ARS: At least men aren't Googling your boobs. That would be a whole 'nother issue.

3. Gas will go above $3 again because of (insert unreasonable, dumb reason here: Slowed production in the Gulf/Terrorists in the Middle East/OPEC restrictions/Wall Street brokers peeing themselves in fear). We will all complain about it.

K: Hell yes I will complain.
ARS: At least $4 gas helped moms realize they don't need to drive Hummers to pick up the kids.

4. A Hollywood megastar will die in some tragic accident, making the world weep and gnash its teeth. There will be tributes and celebrations of the actor's work in movies, as even their worst stuff becomes "great examples of acting" because the dude is dead now. Awards will be given posthumously, and books will be written. Exceptions: Keanu Reeves and Tara Reid.

K: If you're talking about Freddie Prinze Jr., then I'm coming to Pennsylvania (um, that's where you're from right?) and kicking your ass for that one.
ARS: No, I'm from Jersey *quickly hides PA driver's license and points to the right*

5. Jim and Pam will finally have their wedding on The Office, but Michael will screw it up when he tries to take over for the preacher. Jim will do that quirky mouth thing. Stanley will roll his eyes. Meredith will sleep with the preacher. Andy will serenade everyone with "Kiss the Girl" from The Little Mermaid. Dwight will tell Phyliss to lay off the cake. Sarah Palin will guest star as the preacher. "Do I now pronounce you man and wife? You betcha."

K: I'm probably going to get shot for this, but I don't watch The Office. However, I do find Steve Carell strangely attractive.
ARS: That's alright, because I don't watch Lost, 24, Mad Men, or most other buzzworthy shows. I prefer stuff that is likely to be canceled.
K: I've never even seen those shows either. See, I watch too much reality TV, man.