To discuss Music I Loved Fridays: The. Song. Is. Mine.

It's been a long time since I've put up a Music I Loved Friday post, but let's get it going again. As a reminder, MILF is all about taking a look back at the music that I grew up with. It is not about your mom.

Who gets the honor this month?

I'm sorry that you seem to be confused. He belongs to me. The boy is mine.



You go, Brandy. No, YOU go, Monica. Will somebody just tell me who this damn boy belongs to?

It's June 1998. I'm about to start my sophomore year of high school, unaware yet that in a few months, Britney Spears would hit me baby one more time. Right now, the divas on the chart are Brandy and Monica.

Secretly, I had liked Monica's debut song, "Don't Take It Personal (Just One of 'Dem Days)" which came out when she was just 15. I was even younger, and so for all I knew, "one of 'dem days" was a girl who was in a bad mood. If you had asked me at the time, a period was nothing more than punctuation. Ah, youthful ignorance. I could have saved years of arguments and headaches with girls if I had only heeded Monica's advice and just realized women have one of 'dem days one week a month, or, in some cases, every week of every month.

Brandy was popular too, and why not, since her smile is wide enough to eat a banana sideways. But putting the two of them in the same song? I could barely handle Mariah Carey and Wanya Morris trying to out-oohahhhoohhaah each other on "One Sweet Day."

Looking back, there was no denying the power of "The Boy Is Mine." I mean, it was co-produced by Dallas Austin, and just look at who he went on to work with!

Since I was 15 at the time, I had no idea this song was based on a Paul McCartney/Michael Jackson duet, "The Girl is Mine," or as its now known, "The Girl Is Paul's by Default." I just thought Brandy and Monica had been fighting over some dude - probably like the Fresh Prince or something - and wanted to sing about it.

"The Boy Is Mine" spent 13 weeks on the top of the charts, which proves that at some point in 1998, you liked this song. You probably liked the video, which featured Mekhi Phifer before he went on to star in my cult favorite, Dawn of the Dead, in which he delivered a zombie baby from his pregnant zombie wife.

In hindsight, I'm not sure why the music video didn't have Mekhi asking for the girls to just get drunk and have a threesome, but I guess there are limits to what Carson Daly could show on "TRL." You know, back when MTV played music videos. Not that I can complain. I watch "16 and Pregnant" like it contains the secret to life.

Sadly in the years after, Brandy came out with a sequel, "The Hit-and-Run Is Mine," and is now more famously known as the sister of the guy who gave Kim Kardashian his flesh python in a sex tape. Monica has since carved out a career as "That girl who sang my prom theme" and is no doubt waiting for her invitation to "Dancing with the Stars."

To discuss the MTV Video Music Awards

You might say, Andy, the MTV Video Music Awards were on Sunday. This is Wednesday. You have no sense of timing. (Ed. note: Why aren't they called the MTV Music Video Awards? Why the flip-flop?)

I'd say to you, MTV is continuing its tradition of replaying its major shows again and again until everyone has seen them twice, so, in fact, the awards show was last night. And this morning. So, actually, where is YOUR post? Hmmm?

Observations:

1. Madonna is jacked no one respected Michael Jackson in his later years, saying we abandoned him in his time of need. What she's really mad about is that she didn't get a chance to adopt him.
2. That Michael Jackson opening dance sequence was one of the best I've ever seen MTV do for an award show, and that was before Janet came out. You know you're doing good when Beyonce's mouth is agape the whole time in excitement. She hasn't been this excited since she, Kelly and Michelle made a "group decision" to go solo.
3. I had heard about Kanye's tirade before seeing the show. It was more egregious than I thought. Taylor Swift, giving her acceptance speech for Best Female Video, looked like she might cry when Kanye told the audience Beyonce had the best video. Beyonce's mouth was agape again. She hadn't been this upset since Kelly and Michelle wanted to put Destiny's Child back together.
4. Part of me wished Kanye ended his tirade by saying, "MTV doesn't care about black people," just to see if he could get Taylor to make that Mike Myers state of disbelief face.
5. I am not familiar with the work of most of the presenters tonight. Good God, what's happened to me?
6. Taylor, just nine minutes after being publicly embarrassed like a girl getting stood up at prom, does a live performance of "You Belong to Me." In all honesty, it's one of the best live performances I've seen at an awards show, for a variety of reasons: 1) You know her head was swirling at that point 2) She had to get on a subway, dance and sing her way through the train and then run up stairs to jump on top of a taxi without missing a beat 3) It's hard not to like her 4) Her crazy cat eyes have mind control powers
7. Russell Brand's sense of humor boils down to "I'm British, and I'll have sex with anything."
8. Lady Gaga has lost her damn mind. But she knows how to perform and how to look slightly transsexual at the same time.
   
9. There was a Nelly Furtado sighting. I heard she used to be one of the most popular singers in the world-- until MTV decided it was over her. (Lady Gaga, take note)
10. There was a Jennifer Lopez sighting. I heard she used to be one of the most popular performers in the world-- until MTV decided it was over her (Beyonce, take note)
11. There was a Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart sighting. I heard MTV just made happy in its pants.
12. Green Day won an award, and performed. There was a time I liked Green Day, a time when "Basket Case" and "When I Come Around" were popular. That fondness has slowly disintegrated into a mild disdain as Green Day got more popular with teenagers who thought "American Idiot" was Green Day's first album. Must be how some adults feel about kids playing Beatles Rock Band on XBox.
13. If I get arrested and sent to prison, I'm a disgrace to my family and to my friends. If T.I. gets arrested and sent to prison, Diddy and MTV commend him with an award and act like he's at grandma's house for a few months, soon to return.
14. Lady Gaga accepted an award looking like she got stuck in a JoAnn Fabrics during a hurricane.
15. MTV still plays music videos? That's the biggest surprise since I heard Patrick Swayze* died just last week, and not months ago. (*Too soon? Eh, RIP Pat. Road House was excellent.)
    
16. They used to have this show on MTV called TRL, when they played the Top 10 music videos of the day. How can there be the top videos of the year, when I don't have a way of knowing what's the top video of the day?
17. They kept panning to Katy Perry, like they were hoping for a nip slip
18. In a strange way, I was pining for the days when a boy band with a good dance sequence dominated music videos. "I want it thaaaat way."
19. In a not-strange way, I was pining for the days when I wasn't older than 7/8 of the fans in the audience.
20. Beyonce wins Video of the Year. She should have also won an award for boob tape of the year, because there is no way she shouldn't have had a wardrobe malfunction at some point. Nice job by her for bringing Taylor Swift up. I got a little misty-eyed... but that might have just been an allergic reaction from seeing Lady Gaga's Hostess Snowball headpiece.