To discuss Music I Loved Fridays: The. Song. Is. Mine.

It's been a long time since I've put up a Music I Loved Friday post, but let's get it going again. As a reminder, MILF is all about taking a look back at the music that I grew up with. It is not about your mom.

Who gets the honor this month?

I'm sorry that you seem to be confused. He belongs to me. The boy is mine.



You go, Brandy. No, YOU go, Monica. Will somebody just tell me who this damn boy belongs to?

It's June 1998. I'm about to start my sophomore year of high school, unaware yet that in a few months, Britney Spears would hit me baby one more time. Right now, the divas on the chart are Brandy and Monica.

Secretly, I had liked Monica's debut song, "Don't Take It Personal (Just One of 'Dem Days)" which came out when she was just 15. I was even younger, and so for all I knew, "one of 'dem days" was a girl who was in a bad mood. If you had asked me at the time, a period was nothing more than punctuation. Ah, youthful ignorance. I could have saved years of arguments and headaches with girls if I had only heeded Monica's advice and just realized women have one of 'dem days one week a month, or, in some cases, every week of every month.

Brandy was popular too, and why not, since her smile is wide enough to eat a banana sideways. But putting the two of them in the same song? I could barely handle Mariah Carey and Wanya Morris trying to out-oohahhhoohhaah each other on "One Sweet Day."

Looking back, there was no denying the power of "The Boy Is Mine." I mean, it was co-produced by Dallas Austin, and just look at who he went on to work with!

Since I was 15 at the time, I had no idea this song was based on a Paul McCartney/Michael Jackson duet, "The Girl is Mine," or as its now known, "The Girl Is Paul's by Default." I just thought Brandy and Monica had been fighting over some dude - probably like the Fresh Prince or something - and wanted to sing about it.

"The Boy Is Mine" spent 13 weeks on the top of the charts, which proves that at some point in 1998, you liked this song. You probably liked the video, which featured Mekhi Phifer before he went on to star in my cult favorite, Dawn of the Dead, in which he delivered a zombie baby from his pregnant zombie wife.

In hindsight, I'm not sure why the music video didn't have Mekhi asking for the girls to just get drunk and have a threesome, but I guess there are limits to what Carson Daly could show on "TRL." You know, back when MTV played music videos. Not that I can complain. I watch "16 and Pregnant" like it contains the secret to life.

Sadly in the years after, Brandy came out with a sequel, "The Hit-and-Run Is Mine," and is now more famously known as the sister of the guy who gave Kim Kardashian his flesh python in a sex tape. Monica has since carved out a career as "That girl who sang my prom theme" and is no doubt waiting for her invitation to "Dancing with the Stars."

To discuss August's MILF Friday on Monday. You got a problem with that?

Usually, I say "It wouldn't be the last Friday of the month without Music I Loved Fridays." If you noticed, this is Monday. But I had the big We Are Cosmo week wrapping up last Friday, so I delayed it. I have that power. Oh, and speaking of that...

I've got the power! (do, do, do, da da dododo) Let's go wayyyy back into the early 90s, and give you extra bonus music. Get ready to have your minds blown by the bumpin' beats, shoulder pads and electronically-manufactured rhythms of some of the flyest dance music this side of Technotronic and Haddaway.


La Bouche: Be My Lover ('95) I was singing Be My Lover before I knew that lover meant have sexual congress with a girl. Maybe I shouldn't have been singing this song around my mom.


Snap: I've Got the Power ('90) I won't try to deny a song that's appeared not only in Coyote Ugly, not only in Under Siege, but in Super Mario Bros. I mean, the rapper in here is the lyrical Jesse James. He says it, flat out. You think he'd lie about that? Best believe him, because he will attack, and you don't want that.


C&C Music Factory: Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) ('90) How has this song not become a national ad for Degree or Sure? C&C is challenging you, nay, daring you, to sweat. I'd like to see Old Spice overpower the vocal tirades of either C. Of course, the last time you let the "music take control" and "let the rhythm move you," we all know what happened. Speaking of which, isn't he falling behind on child support?


Crystal Waters 100% Pure Love ('94) You will not have this song out of your head for days, but don't feel bad, I haven't had this song out of my head in 15 years. But this is classic early 90s, and, if that doesn't make you appreciate it, take a gander at the 3:17 mark. For you kids out there, that was an Apple before Apple had 'iPods' or 'iPhones' or or before we put 'i' in front of words to make up for lack of personalization.


Real McCoy Another Night ('95) In hindsight... the white dude in this group sounds like a stalker. "I talk, talk, I talk to you, in the night, in your dreams, of love so true." Unused optional chorus: "I watch, watch, I watch for you, in the night, by your bed, when in the nude."

Stereo MCs Connected ('92) I have no idea what this song is about, but I do know I'm gonna go blind if I ain't get myself connected and see the writing on the wall. Except, I was 9 and didn't understand metaphors, so I assumed he met connect with my Lego set.



Robin S Show Me Love ('93) Even though I was the tender age of 10, I felt connected-- Stereo MCs-level connected-- when Robin sang "Heartbreaks and promises, I've had more than my share/I'm tired of giving my love and getting nowhere, nowhere." Had I been in love? Um, no. I couldn't even get reciprocal Valentines (Eh, fifth-grade crush Krista?) But I did love something... the electronic xylaphone-y beat. 'Because my love is guaranteeeeeeed..."

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Did THIS JUST HAPPEN!?! You bet your Walkman it did. Minds=blown. Children of the 90s just passed out from excitement.

To discuss a look back at one year of Wild ARS Chase, for better or worse or worser

"All the kids are doing it these days.... blogging, that is (oh, and the chronic)."

That's how Wild ARS Chase started one year ago this past Saturday. So much has changed since then, both in my life and on the blog, it's almost like Elizabeth Berkley on Saved by the Bell and on Showgirls - sure, it's the same person, but in name only.

Many of you have already given me congratulations, which is much appreciated. What's most interesting about Aug. 1 2008 versus Aug. 1 2009 might be the change in readership- a lot of newbies, some diehards and a porn spammer or two.

To refresh the memory of my longtime readers (I can say that now-- it's been a year) and those who jumped on board bandwagon style, I thought we'd take a stroll through memory lane. More of a marathon (sorry about the length- it's a year, after all), but memory lane nonetheless. And if you've never commented before, um, can you say hi this time, so I can prove you exist?

Coincidentally, this is post #300.

August

• Had my first TV Play by Play, reviewing The CW's "Girlicious" Excerpt :16 Jenna’s having cramps, she announces during her dancing practice. She doesn’t want anyone to think she’s a quitter, so she toughs it out. By curling up on her bed and quitting.
• I divulge my extraordinary Seven Steps to Holding Hands method, am considered for Nobel Peace Prize.
• Do my first co-blog with Tracie, as we cover the summer Olympics and I profess my love for Alicia Sacramone.
• And I wrap up with my first month in review (I was full of ideas back then. Those were the good days), where I say my artist of the month, Adele, is a mix of Alicia Keys, Jill Scott and Joss Stone, "Like a biracial lesbian test tube baby."
  

September

• My first "America's Next Top Model" play by play, which has become a bit of a signature for W.A.C.
• I go on the worst date of my life. Check that. I tried to go on the worst date of my life.
• I introduce you to my chiweenie (that's my dog, not my crotch)
• And I meet Capricorn, the soon to be love of my life who goes from casual mention to blog regular. Excerpt: "We settled on Madame Capricorn, which makes her sound like a fortune teller or a dominatrix, either of which sounds mysterious and wonderful."
• Oh, and I wrote a blog post on a typewriter.
  

October

• I posed 10 questions about 90s TV shows, one of many references to 90s pop culture that just kind of evolved as an underlying them of W.A.C.
• I went to St. Louis (and stayed at a hotel across from an Obama rally). I also saw Jesus.
• Capricorn and I nearly peed ourselves after watching this.
  
• And we celebrated Fall Fest 2008.

November

• Capricorn met my parents, which reminded me of an ex's crazy father.
• In perhaps my best idea, I started my "What I Learned from Cosmo" feature. If Cosmo would send me the August edition, I'd write another one.
• I referred to one of my favorite bloggers by the wrong name.
• And I had one of my most successful-- visitor-wise-- blog post series, when I hooked up with Ben (sadly, only in writing) for a No Ordinary Rollercoaster-Wild ARS Chase event here, here and here. I've heard it was second only to the Obama election in 2008 hype.
• I give you 100 things to know about me. One thing not included: I have a basketball-shaped pillow I sleep with every night like a teddy bear. True story.
• That was part of my first inaugural Get to Know Me Week.

December

• Wow, November was action-packed, wasn't it? December is like sloppy blogging seconds.
• Capricorn and I said three special words to each other, right before I went on a trip to Atlanta.
• I ripped on that Christmas Shoes song.
• Joshlos and I broke down the best sports movies from our lifetime. Summer Catch, somehow, does not make the list.
• And Kate and I give our resolutions. Suprisingly, I've actually kept up with all of them, except for the part about convincing Natalie Portman and Capricorn to make out.
  

January

• I did my best to offend several of my fellow church-goers by debating who has it worse- girls with their ladybits or guys with their manparts.
• I gave out the inaugural Wild ARS Awards.
• I start doing play by plays of ultra homoerotic "Bromance" episodes.
• And I publish some incriminating childhood photos.

February

• Finger Talks does a hilarious guest post in honor of my birthday.
• I do commentary on the Grammys. Excerpt: "Chris Brown gets announced for his nominated song, "No Air." I now realize that song was Jordin Sparks' plea for help."
• And I roll out a new feature, Love Coach texts, and a second installment of Music I Loved Fridays.

March

• In one week, I find out my work is forcing us to take five unpaid days off, my brother is admitted to the hospital and I find out I have to pay double rent.
• I balance out my magazine reviews my recapping Maxim. Thus begins the first of several Google searches landing on my blog in search of scantily clad women.
• Bailey costs me $300, and I gripe about moving.

April

• Another W.A.C. special: As Seen on TV Week, with PediPaws, Shamwow, Hercules Hooks, and other terrible products.
• Oh, and let's not forget the Snuggie review, which might have been the crowd favorite.
• As if that wasn't enough embarrassment, I responded to a challenge by Haute Pocket by replicating my Fake Andy Shaw of the Month photo.

May

• I explain to Jenners' readers all about the male mind.
• Capricorn rode a tractor, with video evidence.
• I break my computer and visit an amusement park, all in one weekend.

June

• I gave you my 10 Top Embarrassing Songs on my iTunes playlist.
• Then I took the rest of the month off...

July

• ... because I was in a musical, "The Sound of Music."
• Then I gave you all some social media training.
• Recapped the glorious "16 and Pregnant" finale
• And wrote a guest post for Ms. Pocket in honor of her 25th birthday.

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So, that's it. I almost forgot about some of that stuff. You'd think this was almost a legitimate blog, looking backing at all of this. Here's hoping I can keep it up for Year 2... thanks for supporting me-- I consider you the sponsors to my Blogging Anonymous. To thank you, I've got a special surprise planned I hope to have available later this month. No, it's not a puppy.

To discuss social media friendships: Just like high school, but with more angst and fewer zits

There are big victories in life:

• Finding your true love
• Buying your first house
• Beating the odds against a disease
• Being crowned an American Idol

And there are small victories in life:

• Finding someone to make out with who is at least a 5 on a scale of 1-10. OK, at least a 3 and has all their teeth.
• Renting an apartment that is close to homes that you assume people who actually have money can buy
• Beating the odds against the swine flu
• Being crowned an American Idol on your Nintendo Wii

And, one more small victory:

• Getting to 100 Google followers on your blog

I take pride in the small victories in life. As soon as I have any, I'll let you know.* I was hoping to get to that magical, even number of 100 on the ol' followers list (in the right hand column). Not that it really matters- overall, counting people following on other services, the total is already over 100 (God bless all of you. No, seriously, I mean it. I hope God puts an extra dollar in your pocket or gives you a baby or gets rid of that rash or whatever you want).

But I was so very close, at 99, earlier this week. Now I'm back down to 97, which probably means some people were doing some blogging housekeeping and realized I hadn't made them laugh in a few months. They had to cut the dead wood. Understandable.**

That made me look at my own list of blogs I follow. I had more than 60 on my list. Surely, I thought, I can't be reading allll of these. So I went through and cut out blogs that hadn't been updated since Obama took office.

Most of the others, including all of you who comment regularly, were no brainers to keep. But then I considered some others, and that brings me to the new poll....

Do you keep following a blog, long after you've stopped reading it, because you don't want the person to notice you've stopped following it? Is this the most recent equivalent of removing a friend from your AOL Instant Messenger List, leading to them getting a message they aren't an approved friend when they try to talk to you? Or an even older version, not inviting them to your birthday party when they invited you to theirs?

Or is this more like a Facebook friend you remove? I had that situation recently. There was a much older guy I knew from doing theater together. He had always been nice, but just a little too nice-- with just one trench coat and one unmarked van, he'd have Dateline drooling. But when he requested to be my friend on Facebook, I felt bad saying no, so I approved it.

Soon, he would send me random messages, asking me what I was up to, if I wanted to hang out, etc. Now, if I was a 12-year-old boy and this was a Lifetime movie, I would have said, "Sure!" But, obviously, I ignored it, and one day decided to remove him as a friend. Sure enough, a few weeks later, he realized I had removed him, and he messaged me asking if he had done anything wrong.

Well, yeah, you creep me out more than a Troll doll.

It's amazing how a Facebook friendship can make you feel guilty. Even when you're trying not to get molested.

Fortunately on the blogging side, I only noticed one blog that I had long since heard from and had long since read, so that shouldn't cause any drama. I'm now down to 54 overall, and enjoy all of you.

So, dear readers, here's the new poll question:

Have you maintained a social media relationship out of guilt?

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* I have managed to get Bailey to pee outside. That counts as one.
** But if I can somehow get to 100 this week, that would be more awesome than Laura Winslow picking Steve Urkel over Stefan Urquelle.... Also, this post is not a guilt trip for anyone. Seriously.
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Here's the final tally on the last poll, about your favorite regular Wild ARS feature:
1. What I Learned from Cosmo 37 of 150 votes (Good news: I've got a Cosmo and Maxim to review... will do soon)
2. TV Play-by-Play 28 votes
3. Weekend Update, 27 votes
4. (tie) Month in Review 14 votes
4.. (tie) Love Coach cell phone texts 14 votes
6. Co-blogs 13 votes
7. Fake Andy Shaw of the Month, 9 votes
8. Music I Loved Fridays, 8 votes

Although, judging by the response, you all loved the As Seen on TV Week. If I ever get another product, I'll do a post on it.

To discuss MILF Friday: I did it all for the baked goods

It wouldn't be the last Friday of the month without Music I Loved Fridays. This time around, let's get our rock on:



You can take that cookie, and stick it up your yeah.

Flashback:
It's 1998. I'm tenth grade, and, like most of my peers, have been immersed in teen pop music for a year, from Backstreet to Brandy. And then, one day on TRL, it all changed... Now, back in time:

Girls like guys who weigh 140 pounds, wear braces and have a bowl cut, right? Right?

Maybe I should dress more like JC Chasez... That dude has got the look the ladies love... all I need is a white dress shirt and an awkwardly shaped nose... one nose down, one shirt to go.

Or maybe I should dress like this guy, Fred, who I saw on Total Request Live. You wouldn't believe it-- he has tattoos all over, a backward baseball cap and his last name is Hearse or Durd or something. Crazy. His bandmate wears black contacts to make him look like the devil-- I mean, these guys just are so hardcore! After all, these guys did that remake of "Faith," and made it all hardcore and whatnot-- they made George Michael's diddy into something us kids can relate to, because you got all inventive and screamed the lyrics! Rock n Roll Hall of Fame needs to polish off a plaque right now, because these guys gots skillz.

So Fred's in this band, Limp Noodle. No, wait, it was Flat Biscuit. Hot Pocket? I'd AOL search it, but this 52k modem is slooooowwww. Much faster than the 26k before it, though.

Limp Bizkit! That's it. Anyway, they've got this really catchy song that's so anti-pop, yo. It's called "Nookie." When I get old enough to tell you what "nookie" means, I'll let you know. I'm guessing it's some kind of baked good. I'd do it all for a brownie, I'll tell you that much. I'd fondle a pony for a muffin.

"I did it all for the nookie (come on) the nookie (come on)/So you can take that cookie and stick it up your (yeah)"

Fred, why on earth would I waste a perfectly good cookie by sticking it up my yeah? Well, it doesn't matter anyway, because all the girls seem to love you-- I bet one day you and Eminem will be competing over Christina Aguilera-- so I'll just take your advice and go with it.

I did it all for the nookie, ladies. Please act accordingly.

Billboard Top 5 songs of 1998:
1. Too Close Next
2. The Boy Is Mine Brandy & Monica
3. You're Still The One Shania Twain
4. Truly Madly Deeply Savage Garden
5. How Do I Live LeAnn Rimes

To discuss MILF Friday: God Must Have Spent A Little More Time on Boy Bands

It wouldn't be the last Friday of the month without Music I Loved Fridays. For the ladies in the house and the dudes who are trying to pretend they didn't enjoy this stuff, here's a little boy band action for you:



No, *NSYNC, you're tearing up MY heart!

Flashback:
It's 1997. I've just entered ninth grade, unaware that our lives are about to change forever. By the high school experience? Heck no. By boy bands! Now, back in time:

I wonder if high school kids dress differently than middle school kids. Maybe I should go to the mall and buy some new Unionbay jeans and a Bugle Boy shirt. Done and done.

Hey, these guys on TV look like they have their fashion sense together. All white shirts and black pants, with coordinating dance moves. That one guy is so silly-- he's got braids in his hair. He must be the goofy one.

*Listening* Da, da, duh dum. Da da duh dum. Baby I don't understand, just why we can't be lovers.

I'm not quite sure what he means by lovers-- it must be something about hugging a lot-- but this is a catchy song. Oh... wait, I think I understand their band name now. *NSYNC, like they are in sync vocally, and perhaps sexually.

Man, my female classmates really love these guys. I'm not sure whose more popular, *NSYNC or those Backstreets Boys. The girls fight over who has cuter band members, which leads me to believe I should join a boy band. I'll be the nerdy one with big glasses who has an inexplicable, irrational belief he's a ladies' man.

Doesn't matter anyway, Backstreet and *NSYNC will never be as popular as Boy II Men!!! I'm going to pretend not to like either band so as to avoid looking like a loser, but secretly, I'll dig all their music.

That Timberpond dude looks like he's going to be a star one day. He's going to bring back sexy good times, I just know it. And Joey, he just has that look like one day he'll host a game show or compete on a dancing competition. Chris looks like he'll fail at life as soon as this group is over, while JC, well, JC isn't Justin, now is he?

As for Lance... hmm... Even in ninth grade, I get the sense there's something different about Lance. It's almost like he's singing about a different person than the other guys.

Billboard Top 5, 1997:
1. Candle In The Wind 1997 » Elton John
2. Foolish Games / You Were Meant For Me » Jewel
3. I'll Be Missing You » Puff Daddy & Faith Evans
4. Un-Break My Heart » Toni Braxton
5. Can't Nobody Hold Me Down » Puff Daddy

To discuss a monthly feature poll question just for you

Wow, last week on Wild ARS Chase was almost all TV Play-by-Plays... which might explain why my visitor totals were down but the depth and breadth of comments were up. That obviously means play-by-plays are a love em or hate em kind of deal, not unlike Saturday Night Live, Taylor Swift and evangelical Christians.
To better understand what all of you want, there's a new poll up. It's all just for fun (I won't hold a grudge. I reserve grudges for certain high school girlfriends who dumped me for better looking guys). It's just market research to get a better sense of what you most like of the regular features I do (please, no write-in votes for "When Andy takes a day off."), and what I should do less frequently (i.e., Andy, take a hint.)
Here are the options, in random order:
1) TV Play-by-Play: Minute-by-minute recaps of reality shows, such as Top Model, which basically writes itself.
2) What I Learned From Cosmo: Revealing all the sexified tidbits hidden in "Cosmo," so that others might save themselves $4.29. (Latest post coming Monday... plus a special surprise later this week).
3) Month in review: Highlighting all the best and the worst of the previous month.
4) Love Coach cell phone texts: A new feature previewing what kind of texts you might get if you signed up for the shameless Love Coach service.
5) Fake Andy Shaw of the Month: Highlighting other Andy Shaws out there in the world, plus celebs that look like me, like a young Kevin Costner.
6) Co-blogs: Co-written ventures with some of my favorite bloggers. Has led to such infamous posts as this series with Ben, plus 2009 predictions from myself and Lump.
7) MILF, or Music I Loved Fridays: A look back at a song/group from the 90s, and what I was thinking at the time. The latest was Blink 182, first heard by me in "Can't Hardly Wait," which, coincidentally, played on VH1 later that week. Maybe they read my blog.
8) Weekend Update: Kind of like VH1's Best Week Ever, except it's only the weekend and I don't have out-of-work comedians commenting on my life. Here's one on The Wrestler and how I hate reality shows on large families.

Thanks for participating. Suggestions are welcome, since I'm basically making this up as I go, like a pilot landing a plane on the Hudson River, or Paris Hilton acting in a movie.
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Here's the results of the last poll, revealing that nearly as many of you have a serious blog addiction as those who read in moderation. Please seek medical help, such as a therapist, psychologist, or Yaz (I hear it works wonders).
How many blogs do you read in a day?

1-5: Just a few	5 (13%)
6-10: Daily dose	11 (29%)
11-25: Losing sleep	10 (27%)
26-50: I attend meetings	9 (24%)
I don't even read my own blog	2 (5%)