To discuss online dating: Jane Austen's worst nightmare

I am mediocre looking.
It's been confirmed. And not just by girls I hit on as a 7th grader.
Famously Single, who has a great blog, went out on a limb and said online dating is for people who are mediocre looking and who aren't content with waiting to meet the right person during daily life.

I agree with Famously on one point- I think there's nothing bad about waiting and going all traditional. It's how our parents did it. It's how every Jane Austen character has done it. It's how most people throughout history have done it. I can't imagine Helen of Troy would have filled out an eHarmony profile (Interests: Ships, Trojan condoms, war, Brad Pitt).
Still, I think online dating no longer has the scarlet letter attached to it anymore. It's just another way to meet people. Plus, it's harder to get an STD through e-mail- that's what a spam filter is for.

Here's how I got into online dating:

Last fall, I decided to sign up for Match.com.* Sure, it would have been more traditional to have met the woman of my dreams in day-to-day activities, but, as a reporter, there's a whole journalistic ethics** thing that says it's a no-no to boink your sources (or misquote them. Or misquote them while boinking them). That severely limits my options. Yes, you see journalists in movies doing their sources all the time, but let's remember Drew Barrymore and Tara Reid shouldn't be considered role models for journalistic integrity.

When I scanned the images of the available women within my area, yeah, sure, Famously Single is right: there are a lot of butterfaces (everything but her face), shovelfaces (looks like it got hit with a shovel), gaspfaces (make you gasp in horror), snickerfaces (they must love to eat candy bars... and pizza... and children), and genderfaces (did they accidentally click the wrong box for "gender"?)
They are all looking for love, and I believe there's the right person out there for everyone, although to get them, some have to rely more on personality, some slut it up, and some are Brody Jenner.

But there were several pretty girls. I e-mailed a few, and, surprisingly, got a few e-mails back.
The first date I went on was with XXX. If you haven't read about XXX, who doesn't get the dignity of a good fake name, please read. It's become my favorite story to tell.

Fortunately, dear readers, I soon got an e-mail back from Capricorn, who I couldn't quite believe needed online dating to find a good guy. We went on a date, and it turns out she was even more gorgeous in person than in her photo. No hidden flaw or secret life as a serial killer (it's no secret. She shot someone in the face. Just kidding. It was the chest). She's a great person who wanted a different way to find a man.
I would like the two of us to be on one of those Match.com commercials where we stare at each other and giggle in black-and-white and then Capricorn talks about how awesome I am and how I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her and then I get on with a big smile and say how Capricorn is fully aware of how awesome I am. Something like that.***
To further entrench me in the online dating camp, my brother recently found a funny, pretty girl online, and they've been dating for several weeks. We now double date (face-to-face, not online, although I suppose we could meet in a chat room and speak in emoticons).

So, give me your stance. Any horror stories? Am I completely off base about online dating being a viable option? Am I mediocre looking? (Don't answer the last one. The truth hurts). Famously Single, I applaud you taking a stance, even if it's the wrong one. If you want, I'll be your online dating coach and write your profile for you. I think J-Money even found some eligible bachelors.
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* In hindsight, I should have auditioned for The Bachelor. Or Bromance.
** By ethics, I mean the ones that no one thinks we have. Thanks again, New York Times!
*** Yeah, I'm going to pay for that one. Love you, Capricorn.

To discuss Facebook putting hos before the truth

Dear Facebook:

I'm enamored with your ability to connect me with long-lost classmates, friends from the other side of the country and strange older men who are looking for "barely legal" teens (although, really, what does "barely legal" mean? Can I tell the cops that my speeding was "barely legal"?)
But Facebook, here's the thing. Your gig is up.
I'm getting tired of these hos you are putting on the left side of my Facebook page who are "single and available in my area." I've attached a montage of women who have all popped up on my Facebook page in the past few weeks.
It's a lie, and we both know it. These girls are neither single or living in my area.
I've been in my area. There are lots of great women out there. And I've perused the single pages, too. But c'mon. Who are you trying to kid? If these anatomically perfect women actually existed outside the LA/NY/Miami metro areas, they'd be snatched up in a second, or not interested in a long-term relationship so much that they are using an online dating service. That girl in the UCLA shirt does not live here, Facebook. The LA part stands for Los Angeles, in case you didn't know. And I'm not sure if her implants would survive the flight over, anyway.
God's made a lot of beautiful, everyday women, flaws and all, who actually are interested in long term relationships and ordinary guys. Why not highlight them, Facebook, instead of trying to push silicone DDs and fake tans on me every time I update my status or add a bumper sticker?
It's time to keep it real, Facebook. You're not MySpace, after all. That's why I like you.

Andy