To discuss an event one month in the making

Dear Capricorn:

Hey, what's going on? So, today is our one month anniversary. We now officially have lasted longer than:

• All of my middle school and high school relationships
• My interest in becoming a lawyer
• My interest in becoming a poet
• The fame of Sanjaya
• Rudy Giuliani's presidential hopes

If this was seventh grade, I'd write you a note with lots of hearts in it and intricate folding. I guess this post will have to do, although I'm not sure how I'll fold it into a triangle.
I must say, you've put up with a lot since we first met. You let me incessantly talk about my blog, my job and my dog, Bailey, all with a cute smile. I am wondering if you have a secret stash of Valium. If so, please share. There are reporters in need.

I remember that first date like it was yesterday. You know, cause it pretty much was. That date consisted of a trip to Wal-mart, in which you made fun of a plastic baby in a fake incubator, and a trip to see "Ghost Town," otherwise known as "Let's get that guy from the British version of The Office into a movie." I do not remember much about the movie, but I do remember you looked gorgeous and I was a little nervous. You also made me sing afterward. Like, several songs. A capella. Including a Christmas song and Michael Jackson.

Since that date, all of the people who read this blog have heard stories of us taking Bailey to PetSmart, where he defecated in the aisle, and to the vet, where he was thermometer raped, as well as our trip to the MVA with Cuts McCutterton. I'm glad I shared those times with you. We even stayed together after you got hit on by that cute boy. Sure, it would have been statutory, but that's just a word, anyway.

I'm also glad you gleefully looked after Bailey while I was in St. Louis so that I wouldn't have him slowly starve to death in my apartment. That would have been bad. On a related note, I'm sorry Bailey tried to bite you the first time you met. He's sorry.

So what's in store for us, Capricorn? I'm hoping good things, considering I already told my mom you're coming to Thanksgiving, and she'd be jacked if we broke up. She wants grandchildren. Like, yesterday. No pressure or anything, but if we could perhaps adopt a baby for the day and just let my mom "Coochie coochie coo" a time or two, that would stuff her Thanksgiving turkey. Just a thought.

At least I know what's in store for us this weekend, and I think other people will be jealous. That's right, on Saturday, it's Fall Fest 2008 for WildARS and Capricorn. There will be fall foliage viewing, pumpkin carving, pie making, corn maze walking and all types of autumness, plus a little karaoke to top it off.

I think it's a good way to kick off Month Number 2.
That, and the amazing gift I have for you that will be written about on Friday. A hint: it's not a car. Or a kitten. Or jewelry.

Or Mark Wahlberg.