1. I made a boo-boo yesterday that is one of my own pet peeves, which means I'm pet peeved with myself, if that's possible. I'm peeved all over myself...
I called someone by the wrong name.
No, it wasn't because I didn't know the person's name, or was being inconsiderate, or hadn't used it before. It was because I was doing too many things at once. But excuses are worthless.
So, Diane, I am sorry I called you Donna. As my penance, I offer you this free publicity for your wonderful blog, which deservedly won an award from Haute Pocket (where the offense took place). Mea culpa. I hope you can reinstitute your blog crush (which I know waned during this post). I'm sure there's a Backstreet Boys song that's appropriate for this moment- any ideas?- but, anyway, Diane, you're the best Diane I know. Diane. Diane.
It's not like I lack experience with wrong names. I get called Adam all the time. All. The. Time. "Hi, my name's Andy." "Nice to meet you, Adam." "It's Andy." "Cool, Adam." "Andy." "Adam?" "No, Andy." "I'm not wearing pants." "What?" "Don't worry about it, Adam." "@$&@"
A former co-worker of mine, who was a lovely person, thought my name was Anthony. I corrected her a few times, but eventually, I just let her roll with it, as I liked the idea of being Italian, plus she was a bit older and I didn't feel like nitpicking.
She died from cancer, sadly. And she still thought my name was Anthony.
It's even better when someone has no idea what your name is, but it's past the point of asking. Or, if one person knows the other's name, but that person doesn't know the first person's name. "Hey, Andy, what's going on man?"
"Heyyyy... dude. How are ya?... Uh, how's your driver's license photo look? Mine's always bad...(scans the guy's driver's license). Yeah, JOHN, that's a weird photo (hands back license)"
"Uh, I go by my middle name. You knew that."
"Of COURSE I did, uh, buddy. So, are you an organ donor (takes back license), um, um, um, what I'm guessing is either Michael or Mark?"
2. After writing my latest "Google searches that led people to my blog" post, I discovered I had a score of new Google searches that needed to be mentioned.* If any of these are yours, please claim them. I love them and want to know their inspiration.
Some of the latest:
- "Here's a confession: I'm in love with a man. What? I'm in love with a man... a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha." That, Google searcher, is a monologue by Charlie on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," when the Gang thinks they see the Virgin Mary on a water-stained wall. Excellent episode. Glad I could help.
- "Stage coach stops western PA" Are you planning a heist? Can I ride shotgun on the horse, or are you doing this solo? It took several guys to do it in "3:10 to Yuma," just to let you know. Unless, of course, you just want to drive a stage coach. That's completely legit and eco-friendly.
- "Rapestand S&M" So... this is a bit awkward... I'm glad it took you to this post about fantasy football and Michael Vick's dogs, and not some post I have about hardcore S&M. Because I'd like to think I'd remember writing a post like that, and the severe amount of coke I must have used before I wrote it.
- "I like mail in my mailbox." Who doesn't? It was even better in the old days of AOL when people would get psyched to hear the "You've Got Mail" sound. Now all I get is a bold-faced lie from Yahoo telling me I have "mail," which really means I have an offer to invest in an African prince's real estate, risk-free.**
- "Pictures of naked hot sexy girls showing there bubes." Well, first off, "their," not "there"- girls won't flash you if you use incorrect grammar. Second, I'm a little disturbed Google led you to a post about me describing my girlfriend's Halloween costume (which mention's Bube's Brewery). There will be no hot sexy fun time with her. None.
* For those of you who wonder how I do this, check "Referrals" in your Sitemeter account. Take a moment. Enjoy. Then recoil in fear as you realize most of your visitors are twisted, twisted people.
** And for $140,000 down.