Thursday, November 13, 2008

To discuss how I am 'Donna' apologize, and more Google search fun

Two points today:
1. I made a boo-boo yesterday that is one of my own pet peeves, which means I'm pet peeved with myself, if that's possible. I'm peeved all over myself...

I called someone by the wrong name.

No, it wasn't because I didn't know the person's name, or was being inconsiderate, or hadn't used it before. It was because I was doing too many things at once. But excuses are worthless.
So, Diane, I am sorry I called you Donna. As my penance, I offer you this free publicity for your wonderful blog, which deservedly won an award from Haute Pocket (where the offense took place). Mea culpa. I hope you can reinstitute your blog crush (which I know waned during this post). I'm sure there's a Backstreet Boys song that's appropriate for this moment- any ideas?- but, anyway, Diane, you're the best Diane I know. Diane. Diane.

It's not like I lack experience with wrong names. I get called Adam all the time. All. The. Time. "Hi, my name's Andy." "Nice to meet you, Adam." "It's Andy." "Cool, Adam." "Andy." "Adam?" "No, Andy." "I'm not wearing pants." "What?" "Don't worry about it, Adam." "@$&@"
A former co-worker of mine, who was a lovely person, thought my name was Anthony. I corrected her a few times, but eventually, I just let her roll with it, as I liked the idea of being Italian, plus she was a bit older and I didn't feel like nitpicking.
She died from cancer, sadly. And she still thought my name was Anthony.

It's even better when someone has no idea what your name is, but it's past the point of asking. Or, if one person knows the other's name, but that person doesn't know the first person's name. "Hey, Andy, what's going on man?"
"Heyyyy... dude. How are ya?... Uh, how's your driver's license photo look? Mine's always bad...(scans the guy's driver's license). Yeah, JOHN, that's a weird photo (hands back license)"
"Uh, I go by my middle name. You knew that."
"Of COURSE I did, uh, buddy. So, are you an organ donor (takes back license), um, um, um, what I'm guessing is either Michael or Mark?"

2. After writing my latest "Google searches that led people to my blog" post, I discovered I had a score of new Google searches that needed to be mentioned.* If any of these are yours, please claim them. I love them and want to know their inspiration.
Some of the latest:
  • "Here's a confession: I'm in love with a man. What? I'm in love with a man... a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha." That, Google searcher, is a monologue by Charlie on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," when the Gang thinks they see the Virgin Mary on a water-stained wall. Excellent episode. Glad I could help.
  • "Stage coach stops western PA" Are you planning a heist? Can I ride shotgun on the horse, or are you doing this solo? It took several guys to do it in "3:10 to Yuma," just to let you know. Unless, of course, you just want to drive a stage coach. That's completely legit and eco-friendly.
  • "Rapestand S&M" So... this is a bit awkward... I'm glad it took you to this post about fantasy football and Michael Vick's dogs, and not some post I have about hardcore S&M. Because I'd like to think I'd remember writing a post like that, and the severe amount of coke I must have used before I wrote it.
  • "I like mail in my mailbox." Who doesn't? It was even better in the old days of AOL when people would get psyched to hear the "You've Got Mail" sound. Now all I get is a bold-faced lie from Yahoo telling me I have "mail," which really means I have an offer to invest in an African prince's real estate, risk-free.**
  • "Pictures of naked hot sexy girls showing there bubes." Well, first off, "their," not "there"- girls won't flash you if you use incorrect grammar. Second, I'm a little disturbed Google led you to a post about me describing my girlfriend's Halloween costume (which mention's Bube's Brewery). There will be no hot sexy fun time with her. None.
* For those of you who wonder how I do this, check "Referrals" in your Sitemeter account. Take a moment. Enjoy. Then recoil in fear as you realize most of your visitors are twisted, twisted people.
** And for $140,000 down.


Mel said...

I've known Diane for almost 19 years and I still don't remember her name sometimes! And, I love that someone is searching for stage coach stops in western PA.

Amyxxoo said...

" 3:10 To Yuma " - excellent movie.

Bubes - learn to spell you idiots! Or should i say - you boobs!

Diane said...

You were that little kid who worried constantly about tornadoes and hurricanes, even though you lived nowhere near tornado/hurricane alley, weren't you? No worries about this. I forgive you (sniff). It's not like you did it in bed. By the way, don't do that in bed. It's bad.

Oh, and Mel? Bite me.

Love, Diane (aka Donna)

Miss Tiff said...

I hate it when people call me the wrong name and it happens all the time. I'm always getting called Stephanie instead of Tiffany. It drives me crazy.

I would hope you would remember if you wrote about hardcore S&M.. Scary google search...

SouthernBelle said...

You shouldn't be allowed to look at boobs if you can't SPELL boobs.

I ALWAYS get called the wrong name. I think it's because I have a somewhat old-nanna style name so people just assume they've misheard it. And when they haven't they always say "Oh, that's my grandmother / great-aunt / miscellaneous old-lady relative's name!"

The Logarithmic Spiral said...

It's not that I get called the wrong name, it's the wrong identity. I grew up having people CONSTANTLY calling me Angelina (my sister) and not even realizing we were two different people. Christina...Angelina...seriously, what's so hard about it? Just because they both end in ina? For years I had no idea who I was without my sister all because lazy people didn't take the time to tell us apart. Oh the inhumanity of it all!!!

Nilsa said...

You just turned Diane into a disco singer. Nice. I'm sure she appreciates that.

Also, try having a name like Nilsa. Melissa? Lisa? Neilsa? Nilza? What's your last name? I promise, my first one is easier. So, I take what I can get and move on.

Brandon Szuminsky said...

I had hoped this was going to be about Donna Moss, Josh Lyman's affable assistant on the hit NBC show "The West Wing." I am not mad at you, Andy. I'm just disappointed.

stealthnerd said...

I just love that you knew the Always Sunny reference w/o (it would seem) having to Google it yourself.

Becca said...

"I like mail in my mailbox" = priceless. I got a laugh out of that one. My google referrals are never that funny. ^_^

SouthernBelle said...

Andy, check out my blog today : )

Anonymous said...

Yay Diane! Diane is a much cooler name than Donna. And also, is it weird that I thought there was a 99% chance you would post a public apology? Is it weirder than I think about blogs/bloggers while 'outside' of blogland?

Andy said...

Mel- Now I feel better.
Amy- I love the villain in that movie.
Diane/Donna- Well, you're probably right. But I still felt I needed to publicly declare my admiration for you.
Stephanie- Sorry, I meant Tiffany.
Belle- It's a great name... and it makes me think of Beauty and the Beast.
Spiral- Bitter, much?
Nilsa- How did you get that name? Are you named after somebody?
Brandon- I let you down
Nerd- I knew it off the top of my head. I own the DVDs.
Becca- Here's hoping you get funny Google stuff soon.
Belle- You are amazing.
Haute- Is it weird that I'm not surprised you predicted that?

SouthernBelle said...

LOL - I WISH Belle was my real name!

Heather Rose said...

My maiden name is Legge(sounds like leg). Everyone and their grandmother was so focused on pronounceing the latter part with a french accent that they didn't even care if I had a first name.

BeckEye said...

Also, I am familiar with carpentry and I don't know who my father is. So, am I the messiah? I don't know, I could be, I'm not ruling it out.

Ohhhhh, you're a Charlie fan!! You must be good people. I just did a big Sunny post the other day.

Marinka said...

Today I had a visitor who googled "vagina beautiful". My favorite visitor ever googled "Will I die if I take 2 tylenol?!" I mean, we all die eventually.

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Anonymous said...

This is my life! I swear people don't listen when introductions are made. We go through the "Hey! I'm Colleen" "Kelly?" "No. Colleen" "Right, Kelly" routine ALL the freaking time. I have an older sister and 2 friends named Kelly so it's more confusing when we're together. "Oh! You're both Kellys? haha wow!" "..." *sigh*

Have you ever just picked a random name and gone with that? If I'm in a crowded bar where I'll never see the people again I'll introduce myself as Emily, Liz, Jessica, Megan, etc.

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