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Sunday, January 25, 2009

To discuss answers to questions that need no answers

Do you know Thomas? Well, you should, if only for his amazing blog title. As a bonus, he lives in South Africa, which, I'm told, is in the southern part of Africa.
Well, he tagged me playground style and asked five questions. Since it's been about two weeks since he asked, I feel I am the appropriate amount of fashionably late to the answer party. JenBun also tagged me for this exercise, and I can't disappoint her.
Here we go.... If you would like me ask you five new questions, leave a comment saying so.

1) Where does the toe tag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?
It should be fashioned into a nice ankle bracelet. But why do we still use toe tags? That's all the technology the morgue can come up with? Why can't we just laser etch a bar code on the foot and scan it like we're at Target... that would be more effective AND it creates the possibility of an inaccurate scan, which means you could get the dead body at a lower price.
2) Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?
Do gynecologists do it themselves? On second thought, they might. I do wonder if dentists will only date people with nice teeth. Would a cavity ruin an otherwise perfect woman? What if the dentist loves everything about their partner, but he has meth mouth.... And, you know, that whole meth addiction thing.
3) Isn’t Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
This reminds me of the game, Mouse Trap, which took about an hour to set up and 20 minutes to play. More fun: When I was a kid, my dad found a mouse in our kitchen. Rather than set a mouse trap, he lured the mouse into the dishwasher, tossed in our cat and waited until the cat caught the mouse. True story. He did not turn the dishwasher on. At least I don't think so, although that cat always looked spotless.
4) If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"
And they say "Holy person!" when they're scared? Doubt it, although I'm too busy eating cows for me to ponder what they are thinking. If God didn't want me to eat cows, He wouldn't make them taste so good. Wait, is that wrong to say? I don't want to offend people with certain beliefs...Let me rephrase: If Allah didn't want me to eat cows... ah, forget it.

And the real cruncher:
5) How fast do hotcakes actually sell?
Not as fast as this girl can sell her virginity. People may get mad at her for compromising her principles, but I see a shrewd girl with a grip on a tight market. I'm considering selling precious parts of my life, too. For only $48.99 a day, you can have a time share of my dog.Warning: He may pee on things. And bite strangers. And resemble a Mexican Gremlin.

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Thanks to all those who gave me some blog love in recent weeks, including Paula at Insert My Blog Name Here, who is always funny. She gave me a nice Lemonade award. I already gave out a ton of awards earlier this month, so I'll keep these to myself, perhaps to cuddle with on cold nights.

And if you're a new reader, why don't you leave a comment today so I know you're a real person and not someone trying to leave me spam about an amazing offer I can't refuse? I think I missed the "De-lurking Day" train, but hop aboard anyway.

Now, the real challenge: My birthday is in less than two weeks, and I don't see you preparing. Get to it. In related news, I'll be turning an age that would officially classify me as "Too Old to Join the Cast of the Real World" and "Too Old To Shop at Aeropostale and Old Navy."

13 comments:

LBluca77 said...

"Do gynecologists do it themselves?"

HAHA. I don't think you have to be a gynecologist to do it yourself.

Amy xxoo said...

Firstly, i doubt that girl is actually a virgin.

Secondly, i would like to take a timeshare in Bailey, at least until i get my own dog.

Thirdly, you're a fellow Aquarian ? Aren't we the best ?

Thomas said...

Them's some nice answers sir, thank you. How was your cat supposed to catch the mouse in pitch black? I mean they can see a bit, but if there's no light at all eyes don't work...

Oh and that girld with the viginity? WTF?

Lump said...

Well you know, you may be too old for the cast of the Real World but you're never too old to make yourself look like a fool. And I'm not too old for old navy tank tops. They make my boobs look great man.

Andy said...

That girl is NOT a virgin.

If she's a virgin, I'm a lurker. And since I'm not a lurker, she's not a virgin.

Did that make sense? Yeah, I know it didn't.

stealthnerd said...

"Too old to join the cast of The Real World" will be my saddest birthday yet. Not for The Real World itself, but b/c it eliminates my chance to be on the challenges. And I love me some challenges.

Also, I'd love it if you asked me some pointless questions.

Dr Zibbs said...

Dentists do go to other dentists but the entire time they're saying, "No. You're doing it all wrong."

It's hard to understand what they're saying though.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

HAHAAHA! Andy you are too funny!

Too old for the cast of The Real World???...Birthdays suck sometimes.

Finger Talks said...

if i get u a hamster can i squeeze it through your blog or have you not installed a laundry shoot yet?
and i would LOVE if you asked me various questions about random subject matter!

Paula said...

Thanks for the compliment! :)

Andy said...

Bluca- That's what she said.
Amy- She's not a virgin anymore (smiles) You are welcome to him. I'll drop him in the mail...Yes, we are the best. We even have our own song.
Thomas- Not sure, but it worked.
Lump- I'm sure your boobs look great, although to save my relationship I decline to imagine them.
Andy- That was like an SAT question.
Nerd- Alright, you will get questioned sometime soon.
Zibbs- Which is why I never dated a dentist
Candy- Thanks... and my birthday will be awesome, anyway
Finger- Consider it done (the questions, not the hamster)
Paula- You're very welcome

Kellie said...

Awesome. My dog looks like a Mexican Gremlin too! Aren't they cute? :)

And I've been too old to shop at those stores for sometime now, but it's not stopping me.

Sara said...

You'll be too old for the real world...the cast of the original show was pushing 40 weren't they! Maybe they'll have a bromance II that you can join. Start practicing your dance moves and fireside chats!

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