Thursday, March 26, 2009

To discuss a Top Model Play by Play: Model Pose-off

I really need to see who's winning in the ratings: America's Next Top Model, or Bravo's Make Me a Supermodel. Does the world really need two model-making shows on the same night? ... I say yes. Here's the TV Play-by-Play of Episode 4, which has a nice twist at the end. Nickname reminders:

Aminat- The HairFo- Fomula… Allison- Dracula… Tahlia- Earl Grey… Celia- Model T… Kortnie- Cheesecake… Isabella- Carpe Diem… London- London the BaptistSandra- Marathon… Teyona- CruiseNatalie- TBA

Eliminated: Carpe Diem (Ep. 1), Sea Cow (Ep. 2). Cucamonga (Ep. 3)

:04 Marathon continues to be humble. Her top photo from last week is now on display in the house. "That picture shows I'm better than the other girls," says the girl who will be secretly poisoned by fed-up housemates.

:05 Toccara, from season 3, shows up to talk about personality, and, ostensibly, how to be the loudest person in the room at all times. "It's the personality that counts," in modeling, she says. Well, that and being beautiful and willing to pass up a Twinkie or two. She sticks around for a slumber party, but, contrary to dreams of adolescent boys, there are no half-naked pillow fights.

:09 Benny Ninja and Sky Nellor are on. Based on name alone, you'd think they're specialty is... pimping? Hustling? Making YouTube videos about martial arts? No, it's about posing.

:11 The girls listen to different music genres and pose accordingly. Cruise has no idea how to pose for country. Benny tells her to think of hay and horse dung... because nothing creates a more beautiful pose than thoughts of allergies and crap.

:12 In true Top Model form, early in an episode, a girl is picked apart for a personality trait. This time, it's Cheesecake's penchant for being a jokester. This is modeling, Cheesecake! There's no room for laughter.

Top Model Tahlia

:19 Is that designer chick a dude?

:20 Dracula says she's freaked out about posing in front of people. Good thing she's not trying to be a professional model by means of a televised reality show. 'Cause that would be awkward.

:21 It's a Model Pose-Off. Benny, dressed as a flamboyant Boy Scout, tells the audience, full of crossdressers, to let the girls know if they are awful. This also solves the mystery of "Is that designer chick a dude." It is a dude. In a blond wig. Looking more feminine than Cameron Diaz.

:22 Cheesecake must have learned her poses from the Sunday circular. It appeared she was trying to convince the audience to purchase an ottoman.

:23 You think Simon Cowell is tough? Try having a room full of angry crossdressers booing you while you wear a sequined pant suit.

:24 Earl Grey, who was booed more lustly than Bill Buckner, Ashlee Simpson and the AIG execs combined, says she wants to quit. Every time she's been criticized, she's crumbled. And yet, she wants to be a model. Don't these girls have high school counselors who are supposed to steer them toward careers matching their personality? Maybe Earl Grey could sell Shamwows or Oxiclean. Nobody can get mad at you with that kind of quality.

:27 I need to note during this commercial break that Tyra Banks makes a cameo in the new Hannah Montana movie, playing herself. Five bucks says she tries to one up Hannah Montana in the movie by trying to create her own alter ego. Actually, I think her alter ego is Miss J.

:30 The photo challenge: Portray an immigrant coming over to Ellis Island, with Benny Ninja as their husband. I would have loved to have seen the boat Benny Ninja came over on.

:32 London the Baptist said her inspiration is Kate Winslet in Titanic, but she's got way too many clothes on for that.

:34 The models also have immigrant children in their shots. Somewhere, a pair of Air Jordans sits unstitched.

:40 Judging time. I have to say, these photos (which will be posted later) are some of the coolest Top Model has done, since they were done on an old-fashioned camera. By old-fashioned, I don't mean Polaroid or the disposable ones that require you to wind the film.

:45 Judge Paulina Porizkova says Dracula looks like the oldest daughter in the photo, like "mommy died on the way over." Way to lighten the mood, lady. This isn't the Oregon Trail. Although, I know I'd like to see the models shoot buffalo and ford a river at one point.

:52 The judges tease Cheesecake for being knock-kneed. Tyra says she used to be knock-kneed and then she "un-knockified them." I presume that means she opened her legs-- most notably in the critically-acclaimed film, "Higher Learning."

:54 About 15 minutes ago, a bunch of the models said Earl Grey should go home because she's a quitter. Now, the judges said she has the best photo of the week. Model T's jaw literally drops.

:57 Marathon and Cheesecake are in the bottom two. And the model kicked off is... Cheesecake, a personal favorite of mine and one of the few girls I'd think is gorgeous if I saw her at the mall. Unless I'm at the mall with my girlfriend. Then I'd say, "What girl? The one with the beautiful hair and the body? Nope, didn't see her."

Top Model Final Group Episode 4

:58 Wait, last second drama! Model T throws Earl Grey under the bus and tells Tyra that she said she wanted to go home. Tyra throws it back in Model T's face. Yep, that'll come back to haunt her.

Stop back early next week for my Exit Interview with Cheesecake. I do hope to ask her about cheesecake, Model T's comments and maybe even something about modeling.


Candy's daily Dandy said...

I love the PBP because I never remember to watch the drama!!

You give GREAT re-cap!

BloodRedRoses said...

Who needs to watch the show when you can read this??

Amy xxoo said...

Another fantastic play by play Andy - plus, you manage to make the show way funnier than it actually is.

Also, " Higher Learning " isnt all that bad - Omar Epps was cool...

Kellie said...

My favorite part:
"because nothing creates a more beautiful pose than thoughts of allergies and crap."
Hahahaha!!! You kill my Andy. :)

cavy said...

unstitched air jordans - classic!

and WHAT is up with the skin on that girl's stomach?

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