Friday, April 10, 2009

To Discuss As Seen on TV Week: Bad Products, Fun Infomercials

This continues As Seen on TV Week, full of product reviews, news and other stories of our favorite As Seen on TV products. Here are some products I don't use, and probably for good reason. Check here for a PediPaws , ShamWow, and Hercules Hooks reviews...

Loud 'n' Clear: It boasts it's "So powerful, you can even hear conversations from across the street." In other words, you can easily eavesdrop and spy on neighbors.

Dick Cheney has endorsed this product to help find people of interest who look a little too Arab-ish. You can also use it to listen in on conversations through the locker room wall... just imagine this scenario:

Jenny: "I wonder what Billy really thinks of me. Hmm, let me try hearing through this wall while I stand in nothing but a white towel."
Billy (to friends): "Yeah, dude, Jenny is a total hottie."
Jenny (smiling): "He likes me!"
Billy: "She really knows how to use her tongue on my..."

Jenny (horrified): "Ugh!"

Strap Perfect: Are you tired of having your bra straps show when you wear a sleeveless shirt? Well, stop it. Dudes like to see bra straps because it reminds us that there are boobs nearby. But, if you're not looking to get any, then try the Strap Perfect. It's guaranteed to "give your cleavage a firm, youthful lift."

Or, for a different firm, youthful lift, head down to your local college campus, tell the frat boys you're a cougar, and you'll have young, strapping men carrying you to their bedroom in no time. They'll even make sure you have no need to wear a bra at all, eliminating the need for the Strap Perfect.

Pro Caulk: Have you had caulk problems? Do you ever wish you had quick and easy caulk to use? Try Pro Caulk! Just jam caulk into your crevices, and in no time, you'll be fulfilled. Don't leave caulk to amateurs. Use Pro Caulk.*

Cash4Gold: If you're like a pirateme, you have scores of 14k gold jewelry sitting around your house, just waiting to be cashed in for money.
Just slip that gold into an envelope, mail it to Cash4Gold and never see it again as they laugh and laugh get a check in the mail! It's so simple. All you need is a bunch of gold and the brilliant idea of, hey, maybe I should sell it for money, as if you haven't already tried to sell all of your possessions on eBay so you can afford to eat.

Sprayguard 2001: Not just the 2000. The two-thousand... and one! This little beauty protects your Have Mercy face from hair spray, or even pink spray paint that Joey accidentally grabs. Buy this product today and you'll be saying, "You got it, dude!"
The only issue might be that a guy already has the patent to this, so Danny, Jesse and Joey might be sued.

Still to come, once I receive it: A Snuggie review. Also, if you've liked these posts, don't miss the new show, Pitchmen, starring Billy Mays and Anthony Sullivan. It looks too good to be true...
Also, if you looked for an "America's Next Top Model" play-by-play and couldn't find it, it's because I couldn't write one, as my TiVo messed up. But I did write a recap of the highlights show, over at Real Blogger.

* This infomercial brought to you by my 9th grade sense of humor.


Heather said...

Oh, I can't wait to watch Pitchmen. Although, I'm not sure I can handle Billy Mays in such large doses. After a short infomercial I've pretty much had my fill of his exicted shouting.

Something Nottaken said...

Since my comment is commercial related I am impelled to voice an opinion on a recent ad from Comcast. I hate their monotonous C-O-M-C-A-S-T commercial, and spin offs, more than anything lately. It's put me off from ever switching. The one they had last year or so with the mercury looking stuff some couple got out of their high speed line and did the dishes lickety split was pretty cool, but this garbage is too much.

Kellie said...

So you advise us women against using the strap perfect? I guess I have no need to waste my money on that then! I'll just let it all hang out! Booyah!

TishTash said...

It's nice to know that somewhere, there dwells a man who can still bring back the television masterpiece that was Full House. Cut. It. Out.

No don't. Keep it going.

Marinka said...

I love your 9th grade sense of humor, since it's more advance than my 5th grade one.

That eavesdropping thing is weird and seems like a good way to have a constant migraine. Now if they come up with a device to lower the voices of those people talking directly to me, I'm IN!

Andy said...

Heather- I at least have to watch an episode or two.
Nottaken- Comcast commercials are generally annoying. More annoying: The bill I get each month.
Kellie- Don't go all Swing Low Sweet Chariot on me. I'm torn- I love cleavage intrinsically, as a man, but I love bra straps, too. Dudes know what I'm saying here.
Tish- I can't believe I remembered that episode. I spent 20 minutes trying to find the name of the product Jesse created.
Marinka- Genius! Please create this.

Dr Zibbs said...

I been waning to post on that hearing device.

Geiger Girl said...

Dude! You totally picked out 2 of my favorite infomercials. The hearing device (which I also thought would be great for spying) and the bra strap thingy. Awesome to get a guys thoughts on this.

Keep up the great bloggin!

Anonymous said...

If Cash4Gold isn't a scam, I'd be amazed.

Paula said...

i actually quite like the sound (no pun intended) of the first product!

Melinda said...

I totally think Mr. T would be the perfect spokesman for Cash 4 Gold!

Amy xxoo said...

See now Andy, if it werent for you i would not know about any of these (apparently) miraculous products. Thankyou for introducing these commercial wonders into my life...

elle michelle said...

Dave and I just saw the Loud 'n' Clear infomercial tonight and it was RIDICULOUS.

little miss spy said...

I'm always laughing at infomercials and I love your reviews!

texasholly said...

I think you need to tackle the Topsey Turvey and then explain why the Magic Bullet series didn't renew chain-smoking Hazel's contract - or did she die from lung cancer?

~Sheila~ said...

That strap perfect...They would need to make that in titanium because plain old plastic ones aren't going to hold my jugs all upright and at attention.

They'd snap. It's bad enough my underwire keeps tearing through the bra material and almost poking me in my carotid.

stupid jugs.

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