To discuss a TV Play by Play: 16 and Pregnant 2 - Chelsea

This is the fourth episode (Valerie was last week) of "16 and Pregnant" season 2, featuring Chelsea, who lives with her dad in Vermillion, South Dakota, home of the University of South Dakota and now one more baby. Let's get to the TV Play-by-Play.

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:01 Dude, a Baby Daddy intro and we're only 30 seconds in! Adam inspires a new 16 and Pregnant drinking game, this time a "Drink every time the baby daddy calls his girlfriend a whore on Facebook." Drink up!

:01 Politics aside, it never seems like abortion is heavily considered on this show. Not saying I agree with that option or not, but not one teenage girl on here ever strongly considers it, which has to run contrary to reality of teen pregnancy ... Of course, those girls wouldn't exactly be ideal candidates for this show.

:02 Chelsea says she got pregnant as a junior and is having a girl, who will be named Aubrey, hopefully after the Danity Kane singer/Cosmo skanky list veteran of the same name ... Chelsea is worried she'll poop when she gives birth, but the doctor assured her the staff won't tell her if she does. With everything getting discharged out of her body at the time, it'll be hard to tell, anyway. Although that makes it sound like poop and her baby could be mistaken for one another.

:03 OK, a touch of reality: BD Adam initially wanted an abortion, but then changed his mind. And Chelsea's family isn't into adoption, either ... Jim from Real Housewives of OC Chelsea's dad has a sit-down talk with Adam about all of this. What always gets me is how the baby daddys always look so immature, even more so than the moms- backward hat, no facial hair, poor verbal skills... it's almost like, "Did they even hit puberty yet? Was this pregnancy from artificial insemination?"

:05 Drinking game update: A drink every time they turn the scene into a drawing of the girl crying and/or being disappointed by her bf. P.S. Call the paramedics now, because you'll have alcohol poisoning before I can say "He won't return my calls."

:10 Chelsea is having Braxton Hicks, or false labor pains. At 30 weeks, she's already dilated a fingertip width. Her friend can't believe how wide her cervix is going to expand. "Tell me about it," Kourtney Kardashian says.

:12 BD Update: Adam is working on his Camaro and ignoring Chelsea's calls. Chelsea wants to go to a party, but is scared to do so without Adam's permission. It's almost like you can't get on "16 and Pregnant" without dating a control freak boyfriend with self-confidence issues. The exception so far in two seasons has been Tyler, and he was dating his step-sister.

:19 Is there a Mary Kay dealer in South Dakota? Because someone made a boatload of cash selling foundation and bronzer to these girls, who are various shades of Jersey Shore orange. At this rate, at the baby's birth the doctor is going to say "It's the Great Pumpkin, Chelsea Brown!"

:22 Chelsea starts her first day of senior year at Vermillion High School with a bang: She gets contractions in math class and has to go to the hospital to have her baby. That beats the hell out of whatever senior prank you pulled ... Baby Aubree (not with an ey, it turns out) isn't due for five weeks though, so it's scary. For what it's worth, it seemed like Chelsea deserves the award for the most compusre during childbirth, also known as the Anti-Amber award.

:27 Good news! Baby Aubree will not be a member of Danity Kane. Oh, and she's healthy, too, although she's jaundiced. Inexplicably, BD Adam is shirtless and milking himself. I didn't make that a drinking rule, but what the hell, chug.

:30 If your daughter was born this week five weeks premature, would you A) Be by her and mother's side every waking moment or B) Work on your CAMARO BEEYOTCH!. Hint: Adam is a douche.

:32 Honestly, Chelsea is being a good mom. I'm pleasantly surprised. Not surprising: Adam (who has a camo-colored phone) wants to go to a muscle car show instead of staying home with Baby Aubree. "Can't your mom watch her or something?" he says to an incredulous Chelsea. I think Adam is confusing babies with puppies.

:33 Disappointed gf drawing scene. Drink!

:35 Chelsea's dad lives in a freaking mansion. It needs to be said that some of these teenage moms avoid a great deal of strife by not living in poverty like the Gary/Ambers or Tyler/Catelynns of the world. That takes a whole level of problems away. Unless your Farrah. And then you create your own problems. Problems named Shaq.

:37 New low this episode: The doctor is listening to Aubree's lungs, and Chelsea is talking with Adam on speakerphone. "Excuse me, Chelsea? It's hard for me to listen for a respiratory infection with all this douche in the air."

:39 I apologize for the following all-caps rant, inspired by the above clip: ADAM GET OFF YOUR DAMN CELL PHONE AND STOP TEXTING WHEN THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD IS TALKING TO YOU ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER. P.S. "SHE'S NOT DEAD OR NOTHING" IS NOT A VALID WAY TO WIN AN ARGUMENT.

:41 Disappointed gf drawing scene. Drink!

:43 BD Update: Adam now won't return Chelsea's calls. He really doesn't have a case here- she isn't even asking to date him. She just wants him to see his daughter in between working on his Camaro and pheasant hunting. He says she's being "annoying." Again I wonder, why do girls date these guys? Date the nerds!

:46 Chelsea asks a legitimate question- will people judge her and say she's a bad mom for going to the homecoming game? Fortunately, Adam answers that for her by sending her a text, "hrd u went out...way 2b a good mom," reiterating that 1) He has huge double-standards and 2) The public school system is failing in South Dakota.

:47 I didn't think it could be done. I am honestly flabbergasted. Adam outdid Ryan. He outdid Josh. He outdid them all. This is the text message Mr. Adam Camaro sent the mother of his child: "no i want u to feel like the most worthless stupid f*** in the world u better beleive (sic) its so over for the rest of our lives ya fat stretch mark bitch tell me where and when to sign the papers over for that mistake." Adam better start running because I'm about to Most Dangerous Game his camo ass.

:54 After that little event, Chelsea decides maybe it wasn't so smart to let Adam give his last name to Baby Aubree, so she's getting it changed to hers ... she's also going back to school to get her diploma. That's two smart, mature decisions in one "16 and Pregnant" episode. How did MTV let that happen?