To discuss a Weekend Update: Carrie Bradshaw gets what she deserves

Part of my weekend was consumed with helping my sister move, which included a Meet the Parents for Capricorn and my family; see this for the update.
There were many other sights and sounds, however, and so we begin our mostly-context free Weekend Update:

Things I perused:

• The arts and crafts at Michaels. Capricorn and I are going to enter my apartment complex's holiday door decorating contest. We plan on winning, or at least sabatoging other doors. She wanted to do an elf theme, which really works best if you can attach costumed little people to your door to sing merrily to passersby.
  

Things I heard:

• "So, how's the movie going?" Capricorn said. It was Friday night, and I was finally watching "No Country for Old Men." I was about 30 minutes in at that point. My reply, "It's good. About 20 people have died already. They are murdering everyone."
  

Things I tasted:

• Steak with shrimp parmesan topping, at Applebees. I felt guilty having a mouth orgasm with my family sitting so close by.
• The 1,000th piece of Halloween candy, as I try to make my way to the bottom of the bowl. Are you still eating your leftovers?
  

Things I saw:

• Bailey trying to find Velcro, who was perched atop a chair. Velcro, the tiny kitten my parents brought from their house, eventually swatted Bailey in the face. Velcro 1, Bailey 0.
  
• "Sex and the City: The Movie" Capricorn wanted to watch it, and I obliged, after she watched football for me. I had only seen a handful of SATC episodes, mostly the TBS, censored version, when I was in college, but at least I knew all the characters and storylines.

Here's what I surmised about the main characters after watching the movie (don't read if you haven't seen it):

• Charlotte is hot and possibly the only normal person in the group.
• I'm glad Samantha didn't bang the neighbor. I could have done without seeing that guy's penis, but then again, there were a lot of boobs in the movie, so fair is fair. Penises (Peni?) look weird, like an unfinished arm.
• Miranda is so stubborn I wanted to smack her...
• BUT I wanted to smack Carrie even more. At least in terms of this movie, Carrie is so self-absorbed, needy, pouting and selfish that she never sees the other person's side and makes everything into a big deal (not just the left-at-the-altar thing). I'm not sure why Big puts up with it. I'd be hesitant to marry a woman like that, too. I didn't hear her apologize the entire movie... Is this where I start getting hate mail?
• The movie was entertaining, at least from a guy's perspective. I'm just glad I watched football beforehand to balance everything out.
  

To discuss two weird news items

Ridiculous news item of the day:
"Sex and the City star Kim Cattrall is the new voice for TomTom navigation devices, according to Wired. The idea is to add "some spice to the ride, allowing drivers a fun and unforgettable journey," says TomTom. On the road, Cattrall's voice will give more than the standard instructions such as "Turn left." She will say lines such as "This is the city, darling. Anything goes" or "Don’t touch my Manolos!"

Other potential things I think she'll say:
"Continue straight into the center of my legs."
"Please use a car cover while driving with me. I've TomTom'd all over this city."
"Approaching destination. Pick up speed to arrive at same time. Faster. Faster."
"Caution: Don't grind my gears."
"Sarah Jessica Parker has a weird face. Also, take a left."

I'd rather have Bea Arthur read my directions, Golden Girls style. I just saw a sweet episode last week where Rose thinks she has AIDS because of a bad blood transfusion. It's a classic. Only the Golden Girls can make AIDS funny. I would have been all for a Golden Girls movie, except for that whole dead Estelle Getty thing.

Another terrible news item. Did you know MTV's Total Request Live is going off the air next month????
Or, in other words, Music Television will stop airing its lone Music Television programming... the same show that made the station relevant in the late 90s and launched the careers of Britney Spears, NSyncs, Backstreet Boys, Blink 182, Eminem and both minutes of fame for 98 Degrees.
I know they never really showed videos, but still, it's freakin TRL.
The replacement is that crappy "FNMTV" with Ashlee Simpson's husband, who wears eye makeup.
Pop culture will die a little bit next month.