To discuss the bad news and the good or bad news depending on your view

It's been more than a week since I posted.

What gives, you ask? (P.S. You're supposed to have noticed it's been that long.)

A couple of things.

Do you want the good news or bad news first?

OK, let's go with bad news, as you have no say in this matter.

Capricorn and I are no more. In what amounted to a mutual decision made recently, Capricorn and I have decided to just be friends. For those of you who have read my blog since it's inception, you've been there for the very beginning of my relationship with Capricorn (even back when she got her name). Please know she and I are still very much friends, and that it's just one of those things that happens, and that I still think she is an amazing person. We have a lot of history (history chronicled quite often on this very blog), and that's always difficult to move on from, but in the same light, I treasure that and accept it's time to start a new history.

I told her that one of the things I least wanted to deal with as a result of our break-up is tell all of you, as you've been following along with us. But now you know. And I hope one day Capricorn finds her perfect man, although I doubt he'll own a chiweenie. Also, happy belated birthday, Capricorn...

OK, let's get to the good news (or the bad news, in a way):

My latest musical, 1776, opens this coming weekend! That's pulled me away from blogging, since we are constantly at practice. I barely even see Bailey, who is starting to give me looks when I get home like, "I slaved over a hot stove all day cooking dinner for you, and you come strolling in at 11 p.m. like you's somebody. Oh no you didnnnnttt."* I tell him this is paid, professional theater, but he just rolls his eyes, tells me he "has a headache" and goes straight to bed.

* In my head, sometimes my chiweenie sounds like a Latina Lucille Ball.

We have shows every weekend from now until mid-August (e-mail me at wildarschase dot yahoo dot com for info if you are in the York/Harrisburg area or want the theater's Web site, where you can see my cast bio).

As proof, here's a photo of me dressed as Roger Sherman, a delegate from Connecticut. You can't see yet (more photos will come at later dates), but I've got hose on. I find them slimming. You'll notice I'm wearing a wig, but please don't stare, as the wig has a habit of making the ladies' knees shake with anticipation.

But that's not all. I also auditioned for ANOTHER musical, "The Music Man," at the same theater, as I'm both a glutton for punishment and evidently the gayest straight man this side of Ryan Seacrest. And I got really lucky, because I got cast as the understudy for Harold Hill, the male lead; I'll also be a salesman/dancer. That show runs late August through early October, every weekend.

Basically, I've got about five months' worth of shows coming up, which is an insane decision and yet delightful, kind of like eating Taco Bell. But I've got no plans to ignore Wild ARS Chase, as I love you all too much and, well, hell, those Cosmopolitans aren't going to review themselves. So be patient with me, and your reward will be ... more photos of me in wigs and hose. Deal?

To discuss me becoming a (founding) father

I expect Father's Day cards from all of you this year.

This summer, I'm going to be a Founding Father.

Yeah, that just happened. Pick up your jaw.

After rave reviews* from my performance as Max Detweiler in "Sound of Music" last summer doing community theater, I couldn't resist auditioning for a show again this summer.

I auditioned for a new company, and these guys do professional (read: actors make some bank) shows and had just started a new dinner theater, so I was half-confident and half expecting the audition to end up like one of those "Center Stage" girls with me crying about my fat thighs or something.**

The show: 1776. Now, if your Canadian (waddup, Ben?) or Australian (waddup, Amy?) or Scotland, (waddup, P?), 1776 may mean nothing to you beyond the number of times Kate Gosselin's kids have asked "Where's mommy?"***

But for Americans, it's the year we declared our independence from England's insistence that we spell theater as "theatre." And taxes and repression or something.

The musical focuses on the Continental Congress as it debates the Declaration of Independence. I'll be playing Roger Sherman (at right), the representative from Connecticut and a member of the committee responsible for writing the declaration. Ironically, Sherman sings about how he won't write the declaration because he's "not a writer."

Ha ha ha! Haha... he... umph... This is where you all say, "Yeah, that's so funny because Andy is such a good writer!"****

As there are 25 guys and only 2 women in this show, it's a total sausage fest, but a patriotic, all-American sausage fest. I'll love being back on stage, and I get to wear hose, which is slimming horrible.

Here's the catch: The show runs from late June to early August, every weekend. There goes my big summer plans to ... well, I was going ... and there there was that thing ... I was planning ... aw, hell, I was going to eat cheeseburgers and watch House Hunters reruns.
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* From my mother
** I better stop referencing the ballet drama Center Stage if I am going to keep doing this heterosexual thing. But it's such a good movie! (Stop it, Andy!)
*** Mommy is trying to be famous, kids. But here's a photo reminder in case you forget what she looks like. That hairy man she's with is your new daddy.
**** Such a good writer I have to rely on asterisk jokes.