To discuss the bad news and the good or bad news depending on your view

It's been more than a week since I posted.

What gives, you ask? (P.S. You're supposed to have noticed it's been that long.)

A couple of things.

Do you want the good news or bad news first?

OK, let's go with bad news, as you have no say in this matter.

Capricorn and I are no more. In what amounted to a mutual decision made recently, Capricorn and I have decided to just be friends. For those of you who have read my blog since it's inception, you've been there for the very beginning of my relationship with Capricorn (even back when she got her name). Please know she and I are still very much friends, and that it's just one of those things that happens, and that I still think she is an amazing person. We have a lot of history (history chronicled quite often on this very blog), and that's always difficult to move on from, but in the same light, I treasure that and accept it's time to start a new history.

I told her that one of the things I least wanted to deal with as a result of our break-up is tell all of you, as you've been following along with us. But now you know. And I hope one day Capricorn finds her perfect man, although I doubt he'll own a chiweenie. Also, happy belated birthday, Capricorn...

OK, let's get to the good news (or the bad news, in a way):

My latest musical, 1776, opens this coming weekend! That's pulled me away from blogging, since we are constantly at practice. I barely even see Bailey, who is starting to give me looks when I get home like, "I slaved over a hot stove all day cooking dinner for you, and you come strolling in at 11 p.m. like you's somebody. Oh no you didnnnnttt."* I tell him this is paid, professional theater, but he just rolls his eyes, tells me he "has a headache" and goes straight to bed.

* In my head, sometimes my chiweenie sounds like a Latina Lucille Ball.

We have shows every weekend from now until mid-August (e-mail me at wildarschase dot yahoo dot com for info if you are in the York/Harrisburg area or want the theater's Web site, where you can see my cast bio).

As proof, here's a photo of me dressed as Roger Sherman, a delegate from Connecticut. You can't see yet (more photos will come at later dates), but I've got hose on. I find them slimming. You'll notice I'm wearing a wig, but please don't stare, as the wig has a habit of making the ladies' knees shake with anticipation.

But that's not all. I also auditioned for ANOTHER musical, "The Music Man," at the same theater, as I'm both a glutton for punishment and evidently the gayest straight man this side of Ryan Seacrest. And I got really lucky, because I got cast as the understudy for Harold Hill, the male lead; I'll also be a salesman/dancer. That show runs late August through early October, every weekend.

Basically, I've got about five months' worth of shows coming up, which is an insane decision and yet delightful, kind of like eating Taco Bell. But I've got no plans to ignore Wild ARS Chase, as I love you all too much and, well, hell, those Cosmopolitans aren't going to review themselves. So be patient with me, and your reward will be ... more photos of me in wigs and hose. Deal?

To discuss new Golden Girls

First off, let's have a moment of silence for Rue McLanahan.

...

... OK, good. I better not need a moment of silence for our last Golden Girl, Betty White, anytime soon.

But, knowing nothing is more popular right now than Betty, commemorating dead people and the 1980s, maybe I better dust off some recommendations for a reboot of Golden Girls, just in case.

Despite "Sex and the City 2" performing as poorly as Hollywood nuptials, I still think there would be interest in getting the older, original model going again.

The Blanche role:

Suzanne Somers. I didn't grow up watching Suzanne on "Three's Company." I grew up watching her play a sex kitten in the Lambert household on "Step by Step." *

No doubt in my mind she could handle this. There could be a whole episode on kegal exercises with her Thighmaster. Then there could be a bunch of Thighmaster jokes, which are always welcome. Bonus: Patrick Duffy could make random appearances.

* Step by Step is vastly underrated in the pantheon of 1990s sitcoms. Unless we're talking about any episode that focused on the youngest kid, Brendan or whatever his name was. He needed to disappear.

The Rose role:

Aside from Betty White herself, let's get Kathy Griffin's mother, Maggie, to play this. If you've ever seen "My Life on the D List," you know this is perfect. Likable, positive, somewhat clueless and with a sassy side. She'd also drink wine every episode. And basically, Maggie sewed it up when she actually met Betty White in this episode.

The Dorothy role:

Candice Bergen. You knew her as Murphy Brown. Then you knew her as the snooty, uptight judge on "Miss Congeniality." Then you knew her as that character on that Boston show that kept winning Emmys when you didn't know anyone watching it. I think she could handle the snark and the pithy comments.

The Sophia role:

Ellen Albertini Dow: Who, you say? I've never heard of her, you say? Bet you have. Maybe this will ring a bell:

Still nothing? Think "rapping Grandma in 'The Wedding Singer.'" Ah, there we g0. Ellen is ninety-freaking-two and still making movies and TV shows. I hope to be alive at 92. Oh, and she actually guest-starred on the Golden Girls for a few episodes. And she was the sweet, adorable choir nun in "Sister Act." So that's case closed.

Am I right? Do you have suggestions?

To discuss advice on Facebook friend etiquette

I'm not sure of the proper etiquette in this social media situation, as I was raised by a pack of wild hyenas*. Please help:

It's getting to the point on Facebook where people who would never normally get on it - bosses of mine, for example - are now on it, and the point that it's been around long enough that people I only knew as children have now grown up and are on it.

So what do I do if one of them friend requests me?

1) Pretend I didn't hear their request, in hopes they think the request is done verbally
2) Click "Ignore" and hope they forget they asked me in the first place

3) Click "Accept" and block access to them seeing anything on my profile as if they are a child molester

4) Petition Facebook to add a new "Indifferent" button that I can click, so that they know I am acknowledging their request, but that I'm not too thrilled about it

5) Murder a kitten, as who would care about a Facebook friend request with that going on?

There is no good protocol for these situations, and yet I feel most of us have run into them. People who you never see aren't a huge issue - you can ignore them - but coworkers are another (not that I'd be dumb enough to do something like this girl). None of this applies to people you went to school with but who you barely know who now want to be your FB friend so they can see if their life turned out better than yours. We don't accept those people.

Thoughts? Concerns?

If any of you want to be my FB friend, by the way, e-mail me at wildarschase dot yahoo dot com. I promise I won't ignore you. Unless I do.

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* And my uncle, Scar.**

** That's right, I made a Lion King joke. And guess what? Give it a few weeks and I'll be making Toy Story jokes.***

*** Somebody poisoned the waterhole.****

**** I had the Woody doll when I was a kid. That's what he said when you pulled his string.*****

****** You can't say "poisoned the waterhole" now. It's a matter of bioterrorism.