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Sunday, November 30, 2008

To discuss a Weekend Update with some Thanksgiving references thrown in

Thanksgiving/Weekend Update:
What, you're tired of reading everyone's Thanksgiving stories? What, you're not American and you could care less about our holiday celebrating people not dying after the winter? What, you could care less about my life's recent events?
Well...
...
... all legitimate points. But read this anyway, alright? I'll keep the turkey references to a minimal. No, I did not watch the Westminster Dog Show, break the turkey wish bone, or make poor, alcohol-influenced decisions likely leading to court dates or Googling "STD treatments" (all Thanksgiving traditions many others enjoy).

As with the Weekend Updates, this Thanksgiving/Weekend Update will be mostly context-free:

Things I saw:
  • "Role Models": The movie itself was funny and made me want to find a medieval festival and touch everyone's whispering eye with my sword (watch the movie). Even better, there was a Marvin Hamlisch reference, and you know how much I love Marvin.
  • The need to check IDs for an R-movie: Capricorn and I were the only patrons above the age of 20 in the theater. When we first walked in, there was a group of tweens gossiping, with one, lonely dude standing there, likely the hapless boyfriend of one of the girls. That's the life of a middle school boyfriend. You're there for show, for purse-holding and the hope of copping an unsolicited feel.
  • "That was funny!": As we watched the movie, the girl with an obnoxious laugh behind us was so kind as to point out to her friends when something was funny. Good thing, too, because I don't have a funny bone in my body and wouldn't have known anything was funny.
Things I tasted:
  • Two Thanksgiving meals within a three-hour period: First at Capricorn's, then with my family. It was a late lunch and an early dinner. I felt like Violet Beauregarde by the end.
  • Muddy Buddies: There might not be anything in the world I enjoy more than the powdered sugar-covered, chocolate and peanut butter smothered, Chex-based Muddy Buddies. Thanks, Capricorn's mom.
Things I read:
  • The latest Cosmo. Another "Things I Learned from Cosmo" post is coming up. This month includes "Your Orgasm Face." So now girls have to worry about how their face looks, on top of everything else? Can't everyone just be satisfied they are naked in the first place?
Things I did:
  • Strolled around a fabric store pretending I know what Stitch Witchery is: My mom, after hearing that my apartment complex is having a holiday door decorating contest, went balls to the proverbial wall and helped me design an elaborate fabric door hanging that she is sewing together. While she did that, my dad and I watched White Christmas, Home Alone and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. (The Loungewear sign was in the fabrics store. Why do little kids need bathrobes? Are pajamas with footies not impressing the young ladies after a romantic, rose-petaled soak in the tub?)
  • Went holiday shopping... on Saturday: I worked on Black Friday, so I bought a few things Saturday night when the crowds were down and I didn't have to worry about being trampled like the Running of the Bulls. Did you go Black Friday shopping? Do they have a similar shopping-frenzy day in other countries?
Things I noticed:
  • A mother buying cigarettes while holding her baby. Pet Peeve No. 1: Smoking around babies. Pet peeve No. 2: Pulp in orange juice. Yours?

Today's the last day to vote in my Top Young 90's TV couples poll. It's a tight race, so every vote counts...

13 comments:

joshlos said...

Role Models cracked me up. I can't say I expected the whole medieval thing, though. But even that ended up being funny.

I just want to dance around in a minotaur suit.

Erin said...

Two turkeys in 3 hours in nothing. I have frequently had the pleasure of 3 Thanksgivings in one day. Not fun.

People who smoke around babies should be shot.

*~Dani~* said...

Aren't Muddy Buddies the best thing ever? Now I am going to have to make us a batch. Which means I will really make them sometime in January.

LiLu said...

Ugh, smoking around babies makes me sick to my stomach. Once when I was bartending I had a very pregnant woman try and order a Long Island Iced Tea from me. UM. HI. NOT FREAKING COOL.

Suffice to say, I told her that she was welcome to an LIT, if she could find a bartender without a conscience to make it for her, because it wasn't going to be me. A glass of red wine every now and then? Okay, no big deal. But an LIT?!?! One of those (made correctly) will put a grizzly bear on his ass, nevermind your unborn child.

~Sheila~ said...

I LOVE those pajamas with feet. I like to buy my kids some every year. If only they had them in my size. I would totally wear them.

My pet peeve...people who drive around with kids bouncing around the car or in the front hanging out of the window without a seatbelt on.

Sara said...

Awww...Cosmo...! I haven't read it in forever...I miss the articles! It's such girl smut!

spleeness said...

good lord. The last thing I need to think about is what I look like during sex. I think as long as someone is enjoying themselves & letting themselves go (and that's obvious) isn't that good enough? Poses would turn me off. (Although I have to admit I really do wonder what I do look like....)

What are muddy buddies? You can't just casually mention chocolate and peanut butter and then leave me hanging!

Diane said...

1) Those 'that was funny' people make me insane.

2) I am so happy to be having an orgasm, I could look like Quasimodo and I wouldn't care.

3) I want to smack people who smoke around their kids. Smack them hard.

bex said...

Oh please. You'd find like TWO whispering eyes, none of which you'd want to touch.

Sam_I_am said...

Note to self: Never read Cosmo. You'll get a complex and become abstinent.



Verification word: peakiter

LBluca77 said...

I want to see Role Models so bad, hopefully when I do it will be sans tweens.

JenBun said...

Cosmo is dumb. Naked is good. Naked sounds/faces/events are good. End of discussion.

I did not go Black Friday shopping, though I did hit up a couple stores on Saturday... mainly to buy myself stuff! :P

(I am being told that Boxing Day operates under a similar theory, though that's the day after Christmas...)

Pet Peeves:
1. Mean people
2. Rude people
3. Intolerant people

I like to cover a lot of ground with my peeves. There are probably more.

(My word verification? gonadripe! I didn't even know you had to wait for them to ripen!!!)

Lump said...

hahaha mom buying cigs. AWESOME. I would have given her shit.

muddy buddies?? I want some. NOW.

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