Monday, May 24, 2010

To discuss watching the first three Harry Potter films

It has begun!

No, not Mortal Kombat. That was 1995. Man, Mortal Kombat used to be the cat's meow. I digress.

I started watching my first Harry Potter movies on Saturday as part of Harry Potter Fest 2010 with Capricorn.

I sorcerered my stone, I chambered my secrets and I emprisoned my azkaban.*

* Now say those again and add "with your mom" at the end.

I did end up enjoying all three movies - I had never avoided watching them because I thought they would suck, I just had missed the trend early and decided not to catch up.

Nothing so far has convinced me these wizards are better than the one in Disney's "Sword in the Stone."* But I had a generally good time watching them, and I'll get the other ones done soon.

* Thanks to Smeave for pointing out it's not called "Sorcerer and the Stone," a mash-up of Disney and Harry Potter titles.

Here are my thoughts so far. Um, don't read if you don't want spoilers. But seeing as I'm one of the few who haven't seen these, I doubt that:

  • The beginning of the movie felt like a Roald Dahl book. I was expecting a giant peach to pick up Harry.
  • Once Sister Mary Clarence gets a hold of these wizards and gets them to sing, I think Minerva McGonagall will relax a little bit.
  • Emma Watson's hair is an unofficial character in this movie. It looks like it's been teased to within an inch of its life.
  • Capricorn has a celebrity crush on Alan Rickman (her other slightly odd crush is here). I ceased to exist when Snape came onscreen.
  • Chicks dig scars. But do they dig lightning bolt scars? Should I get one?
  • The insurance rates at this school must be outrageous
  • Did anyone else think of the dinner scene in "Hook" when Robin Williams/Peter Pan learns to believe again when they saw the big dining hall at Hogwarts? No one? Rufio? No? Just me?
  • There are more black hockey players in the NHL than black wizards.
  • Speaking of which, Draco Malfoy sounds like a member of the Iceland team from Mighty Ducks 2.
Chamber of SecretsHarry Potter Chamber of Secrets poster
  • Having seen "Lord of the Rings" first, Dobby seems like someone Gollum would have beat up in elementary school. And why do little creatures have personal pronoun problems? Don't they teach them that in school?
  • When will Willy Wonka send Harry's cousin Dudley down a chocolate river?
  • The plot - Slytherin heir wants to eliminate all non-pure blood wizards - sounds kind of like a wizard holocaust. And by kind of, I mean "exactly."
  • Hermione's hair looks slightly better.
  • Moaning Myrtle needs to get laid.
  • I found myself wanting a phoenix, but then worrying that would require another pet deposit from my landlord.
  • Took me a bit, but I remembered the guy who plays Lucius (Jason Isaacs) was the bad guy in "The Patriot."
  • Basilisk sounds like someone pronouncing an herb with a lisp.
Prisoner of Azkaban
  • Maybe we don't have an obesity problem in America. Maybe wizards are just pissy and inflating people.
  • Hermione's hair is the best so far. She's also turning into a young woman. My Harry Potter loving-friend Cadence said Hermione starts getting hot by the next movie. I had wondered when it would be socially acceptable to say so.
  • My brother called this the "puberty movie" while listening to Ron squeak.
  • Some people call soul-sucking, remorseless, ghoulish things Dementors. I just call them BP executives.
  • I don't know what happens with Ron and Harry duking it out for Hermione's affection, but we're headed down that way. Right?
  • Scoring points in Quidditch seems kind of silly if someone always seems to get the golden snitch and end the game. Maybe the snitch should explode on contact so a seeker only wins once. Ever.
  • Am I the only one who would use the Invisibility Cloak to go into the girl's locker room?
  • That Marauder Map would be nice if you were at a mall, not only to track your friends whereabouts, but also to see if any ex's or others you have a disdain for are lurking in a store. Maybe Verizon can make this happen.
  • Somehow, I expected Kristen Stewart to break up the werewolf fight with one of her patented biting-bottom-lip moves. It never happened.
  • I've never seen anyone get knocked out and then wake up in a hospital bed as much as Harry Potter in these three movies.
So did I get the highlights? Is there something you remember?

P.S. Unrelated note: I have a feeling a fitness-related As Seen on TV Week may find its way on this blog sometime this summer. Could be legendary.


Jossie Posie said...

I laughed like an a**hole reading that. Great recap.

Smeave said...

Hahaha, very nice reviews! I loved the comment about Dobby being someone who Gollum probably used to beat up. I also very much agree with your assessment on Quidditch. Definitely a good idea for a wizarding sport, but the scoring wasn't well conceived. It's my one major complaint about the Harry Potter universe. But thankfully, it's not really central to the plot.

One minor detail, which is definitely easily confused when comparing with Harry Potter: It's "The Sword in the Stone," not "The Sorcerer in the Stone." :-)

I highly anticipate your review of the next Harry Potter movies!

Smeave said...

And by "anticipate," I mean, "look forward to." (Grammar geek in me had to correct myself.)

Sam_I_am said...

I still haven't seen the movies or read the books. Our girl scout community had a Harry Potter weekend and the played Quiddich (sp?) The girls had an awesome time.

Herding Cats said...

That was pretty much the best review of these three movies - EVER.

And I still think you should read the books. They are amazing!

kisatrtle said...

The reference discussing the similiarities between dementors and BP executives was priceless.

Anonymous said...

I own Flirty Girl Fitness... Just saying. =P

Jenners said...

I'm a purist ... books only.

But you did make me laugh a few times ... esp. about Dudley going down the chocolate river.

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