To discuss Top 10 iTunes Embarrassments

Background: I spent most of Friday night continuing my follow-up from this debacle. This time, the focus was on my iTunes media library. Fortunately, I already knew how to transfer my songs from my iPod back to my now-blank iTunes library. But my playlists hadn't transferred, so it was time to start from scratch. While I was at it, I figured I should go through all my songs and fill in missing file information-- album title, year released, times artist arrested.

I posted on my Facebook status I was doing this for my library of about 800 songs (although I later realized I have about 1,100 songs), and soon, several Facebook friends took the opportunity to point out they had thousands more songs than that, the proverbial "mine is larger than yours" debate (I did not use that opportunity to say it's not how big your music library is, it's how you use it.)

I had no idea I was in a contest. I prefer to keep my library to what I would expect to listen to on a semi-regular basis. There's a certain litmus test a song must pass to get in, as I just don't download a song willy-nilly, or even Willie Nelson.

Still, that leaves some songs that get in by a combination of "I can't get that song out of my head," "it's 3 a.m. and this song is starting to sound better" or "this chick is hot and listening to it gives me a viable reason to think of her scantily clad, or at least that's what I'll tell a pastor if he asks."

Here, in no particular order, are my Top 10 Embarrassing Inclusions on My iTunes Playlist:

1. Miss Saigon Soundtrack: Sure, I'm a music theater person. And sure, musicals are more in vogue now than they used to be... but belting out "The Movie In My Mind " on the highway... by yourself... is a little awkward, don't you think?

2. "Knock Me Out," Tatyana Ali: Yes, that Tatyana Ali. Ashley. From "Fresh Prince." No, this isn't that fly song she sang on the show when Will was her manager and no one came to her album signing event. This is off the album she released after the show. And I love this song. It even includes a rap from the Fresh Prince.

3. "Don't Walk Away," Jade: Excellent song. If, you know, you're an urban female from the 1990s. Since I'm not one, and there's no real reason I should like this song-- and I do, oh, I do-- it's not my finest moment.

4. "808," Blaque: Continuing my affinity for urban female R&B groups (see Kane, Danity), Blaque had this hit in 1999, and I still am not sure what in the world the song is about. "Boom like an 808, circles like a figure eight, feels good from head to toe, come on baby here we go." Um, here we go what? Have sex? Fly a plane? Figure skate? Whatever, it's catchy.

5. "Kitty Kat," Beyonce: On general principle, Beyone annoys me. But I have this song, and "Ring the Alarm," on my iPod. I'm admitting this to the world. And yes, Beyonce, don't think you can sing an entire song about taking away your "kitty kat" from your man and fool me. I know what you're singing about... it's controlling the pet population, isn't it?

6. "Untouched," Veronicas: I was either going to admit I recently downloaded this song here, or in the upcoming month in review. I just can't get over the violin-ish background music and the hypnotic singing. Someone help me!

7. "Fall In Love With You," Selena: Selena is a legitimate, albeit tragic, artist. So, no shame in that. The shame is that I got this song after watching the Jennifer Lopez movie and getting teary-eyed at the end. Man card, revoked.

8. "Beep" Pussycat Dolls: This isn't even one of the *ahem* good Pussycat Dolls songs. This is the single they released that kind of got glossed over, except I couldn't get enough of will.i.am and his censored rapping about vaginas* while Nicole and her backup singers danced around in leather pants.

9. "About Us," Brooke Hogan: I... well, you see... The thing about Brook is...and, you know... aww, beep it.

10. "Incomplete," Backstreet Boys: Understandable: Listening to *NSYNC or Backstreet when they first came out and everyone was overcome with boybanditis. Not as understandable: Being an adult male and listening to a former boy band making an ill-fated comeback, under the ruse you think they have "a nice sound."

* Wait, THAT'S what Kitty Kat is about! It's about censorship! *readers slowly shake heads*
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Now, dear friends, it's your turn. In comments or your own post (and let us know if you do), please list your own embarrassing iTunes inclusions. I shouldn't be the only one doing the walk of shame.

To discuss a Weekend Update: Free food and a bathroom fiesta

Sure, it's a day late. But this is a good Weekend Update, so good that this is Part I, and a photo Part II will come later. Happy St. Patrick's Day to those of you who claim to be Irish to get kissed and have a convenient alcoholism excuse.

Capricorn treated me to a meal out on the town on Saturday. Actually, she never paid for anything. We went to an Arby's last month and they messed up her order, so the very large manager (Do they make slim fast food managers? Is the hiring process use reverse weight discrimination?) was apologetic and gave us a coupon for two free dinners.
We redeemed it Saturday, and got dessert so that we wouldn't feel cheap. Except, they decided to give us that for free, too. A $17 Arby's meal, on the house. The effects of the recession have yet to hit the savory roast beef king. And everything tastes better when it's free, so I truly enjoyed my Chicken Bacon and Swiss.
To make it feel like a true date night, we went to the outlet mall next door so we could window shop (I'm writing about my appreciation of a free Arby's meal. What kind of shopping do you think I'm doing?). It's fun, but I get a little weary of sales clerks asking if they can help me find anything when I'm staring at the only rack of men's clothing in the entire clothing store. Little do they know, I'm headed straight for the clearance rack anyway to find last season's mistakes.

Now it's funny story time:
I needed to use the bathroom, so while Capricorn went to another store, I walked down a long, creepy, outdoor corridor with less lighting than a Wes Craven movie.
I have a dislike for using the bathroom in public- not for the sanitation but just because it's awkward. I figured this place would have a big bathroom with lots of stalls to at least create a buffer. Nope. I've seen bigger bathrooms at the gas station, sans the scrawled messages for me to call 555-8494 for a good time.*
I get inside a stall, and the bathroom entry door opens. A young boy calls out, "Papa? Papa?"
".... Um..."
"Papa? Are you there, Papa?"
(Pants around my ankles) "Uh, no Papa."
(Door closes.)
(Door opens. A man ((I hope)) walks to urinal)
I hear the urinal flush. I hear him unzip. I hear the urinal flush again. I hear the urinal flush AGAIN. I am now worried his urethra is unleashing a fury of golden showers the porcelain gods cannot consume. I hear him zip up and then the urinal is flushed a fourth time. I hear the door close. Missing in this water transmission- the sound of the sink and a man with a healthy kidney washing his cesspool hands.
I quickly and finally use the bathroom, but before I'm ready to leave the stall, the main door opens again (mind you, it is late at night and, unless there was a red light and a Girls! Girls! Girls! sign flickering outside, there is no reason for this many dudes coming in so frequently).
I hear walking in what I presume to be all the boys in the Mexican version of "Jon and Kate Plus 8" (Or Juan y Casta Más Ocho). There's a furiously fast Spanish conversation going on around my stall. I say furiously fast because I don't think I've ever heard a slow Spanish conversation.
The boys, I think, are taking turns using the urinal and either talking about sports or their love for flushing urinals. It's unclear.
They leave.
I finally pull up my pants.
I should have just held it. I should have just held it.

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* Oh, speaking of that, tell your mom I said hi.**
** Man, I haven't done a your mom joke in a long time.***
*** But I have done your mom recently.****
**** Heyyyooo!

To discuss a call for that photo you'd rather burn than post

Out of all the embarrassing photos I shared on Friday, you all, by far, got the biggest kick out of me dressed like the gayest little Indian. Some even asked for a way to keep that photo on the site, permanently, as you want to see a little child in a pink leotard more often (think about where your life went wrong after that one).
I'll do you one better. Let's call it the Wild ARS Awkward Photo Post event. Anyone who does a similar post that includes at least one what-was-I-thinking, wow-when-did-that-hairstyle-come-in-style?, I've-got-more-braces-than-I've-got-teeth kind of photo, will be allowed to proudly display this button.

So now you've got incentive, and you can always blame it on me for posting those photos, even though you secretly wanted to, anyway.
I only ask that you give a link back to this post so people understand what this award's about. By participating, you'll always have a photo of me in a pink Indian gymnast outfit, which should help ease your own embarrassment.
Problem solved.
Leave a comment so I can see these photos for myself, once you get them posted... or leave a comment if this is the worst idea since... since I put on that costume.
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Coming up tomorrow: A slightly overdue Weekend Update, with my thoughts on The Wrestler (excellent), the new hobby for Capricorn and me (we get our roll on), and all of these TV shows spotlighting families with tons of kids (How does a dad with 17 kids have more money than me, with no kids that I've been made aware of?).