For the intro to this co-blog event on advice for manly men from a gay guy and a metrosexual dude, check yesterday's post....As a caveat for regular readers here, this is a little spicier than my normal stuff. And yet, you'll read on anyway, because you're a little devil. I like that...Okay, Ben of No Ordinary Rollercoaster goes first with his advice... Again, B is for Ben, A is for Andy.
B: First off, and this one's a little self-serving, be comfortable with your sexuality. This means being open to doing less than macho things. Investing in her interests does not make you gay no matter how much your single, loser buddies suggest it might. Trust me, going for a romantic evening stroll with your lady doesn't make her forget that you have a penis (I think this might be the first time that word has been used on my blog).
A: I've always said, doing girly things doesn't make you gay. Making out with other guys makes you gay. (B: I did not know this). So man up, fellas. If you're dating the lady, you don't need to prove you're a man's man by scoffing at romantic stuff. Being a considerate, romantic guy willing to be vulnerable is what really makes you a man's man. And chest hair, which I do not have (B: Ironically women seem to like knowing that you CAN grow chest hair but would rather you didn't have any at all like Zac Effron. I can only assume this means that all women are child predators)…And congrats on using an adult word, Ben.
B: Second, much like the first, being pleasant to her gay friends ups your appeal by about 85%. Don't you know that not liking gay people these days is like not liking puppies? THAT MEANS YOU CALIFORNIA. Seriously. (A: So, to be clear here, are you a little bitter? B: Meh. I can get married 'til the cows come home up here) Being cool with her gay friend dropping the occasional flirt in your direction reminds her that you're so attractive that men are into you. That makes you a valuable commodity. In laymen's terms, YOU GET NAUGHTY TIME!
A: And by naughty time, he means that activity your parents did to create you… Anyway, this is an interesting point. Really, you should try to at least be friendly with her friends. She wants to know you are cool with the important people in her life- straight, gay, transsexual, robot or character on The Hills. (B: Actually, it's your duty as a human being to punch any character on The Hills in the face if given the chance).
I know I haven't had problems getting along with gay guys. They love me. A lot. Thank you, Connecticut- I got asked out by more gay guys than straight girls. (B: Do you want to grab a coffee sometime? A: (awkward silence, then subtle nod))
B: Third, make her feel sexy on a regular basis. Just telling her how hot she is when you want to get some is tragically transparent. If you make her feel as sexy as you know she is on a regular basis, her confidence, excitement and playfulness will skyrocket. This means REAL kisses – none of that junior high school crap - for no reason, looking her in the eye and telling her something about her that gives you dirty thoughts, and other simple gestures. Just three a day would make a HUGE difference!
A: Man, in junior high school the only kissing I was doing involved CPR dummies, and they only want you to touch their lips after 15 thrusts to the chest (that's what she said). (B: Yeah…I did no kissing until university. But I hear other people were cool in Junior High…) But, really, any way to make your lady or potential lady feel attractive is a good thing. Notice her high heels, notice her new hairstyle, notice a cute thing she does when no one is looking… it's all good.
B: Okay, for the last one let's blow honesty out of the water here. (A: We're not past that point yet?) You know sex, right? (A: I heard about it on the school bus once) Sex, generally speaking, is about pleasuring both parties. What if – and I'm going to take this slow so I don't lose you – one time you make it entirely about her? Yes, you might have to take care of yourself that once, but she'll remember that night and you'll get your pay-off and then some. I promise…
A: I think we could extend this premise to the relationship as a whole. (B: Nope. Just sex….just kidding. Or am I??) Instead of making each time together about what you want to do or a compromise neither person really wants, try one time, without her suggesting anything, to set up an entire day all about her. Whatever she's said she's always wanted to do, you make it happen. The key is to not make it a big deal you are doing this. Just do it, not expecting anything, and you will reap everything.
B: And by 'reap' he means 'sex'. And by 'everything' he means 'HER UP'!
I'm sorry.
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A: My half of advice giving, the dramatic conclusion to our three-day, epic co-blogging series, will be on Ben's site later today. Please check it out, as my ego is fragile and prone to bruising, much like a peach or an Olsen twin's skeleton.
Also, there will be a TV Play-by-Play of America's Next Top Model season finale posted today on here...If you missed last week's episode/post, check here... And if you had problems commenting last night, I fixed the issue, so try again.
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