To discuss a month in review: January

January is that time of the year when you wish you were in freaking Australia because it's summertime. Southern hemisphere- you think you have it all sorted out, don't you? Well... well... your toilets flush backwards. Here's my January month-in-review:

• Favorite movie: "The Wrestler." It just couldn't be anything else. Not with Mickey Rourke's performance. Not with the excellent script. Not with the underdog-character-goes-wrong storyline. Not with Marisa Tomei more naked than Kim Kardashian in a home video. Runner up: I can't believe I'm saying this, but Malibu's Most Wanted. Capricorn had me, my brother and his girlfriend watch it as part of our Summertime 2009 fake holiday, while drinking Malibu Bay Breezes. It was a funny movie. Three out of four Bay Breezes agree.
  
• Least favorite movie: I can't think of one. For once.
  
• Favorite song: I added a slew of songs to my iPod, so I'll let you pick and choose: "In My Head," Your Vegas; "Punkrocker" Teddybears feat. Iggy Pop; "Always Be," Jimmy Eat World; "A Milli," Lil Wayne; "Cheri Amour," Stevie Wonder.... Runner-up: At the contemporary church service I went to with Capricorn, they played some kind of worship/bar song mash-up that I'm sure was about Jesus and the Holy Spirit but sounded like AC/DC calling for the devil's delight. I kept giggling about this, and at one point, sang out "Back in black!"... just as the worship band paused. Another excellent moment. I downloaded AC/DC stuff when I got back. And prayed.
  
• Least favorite song: "Addicted," Saving Abel. I've heard songs just like it. Every year.
  
• Favorite album: Uh, how about the Very Best of Chicago, which is as random as a Rod Blagojevich Senate selection. I can't stop playing "25 or 6 to 4." I want to, in the hopes that they'll magically figure out how to count in numerical order, but they don't, and then they pull me back in with the trumpets.
  
• Best TV Show: Most things were in re-runs, so I found myself watching more "Property Virgins" episodes. I am convinced Sandra has her clothes tailored, because they fit her perfectly. I would like for her to be my realtor, although that would require me to have money to buy a house. Maybe I could pitch a spinoff show: "Property Virgins for Sale at Las Vegas Brothel to Raise House Funds." Runner up: "House." Always liked it. Always will.
  
• Worst TV show: "American Idol," but only because it's the audition rounds. It gets old, fast, not unlike the cast of "Friends." Runner up: Anything involving multiple children.
  
• Best moments: Having someone to kiss at New Year's- especially when that someone is Capricorn. Also, spending a weekend in my hometown.
  
• Worst moments: Having my teeth cleaned, which, thankfully, has since been outlawed by Obama. I can't believe some of you enjoy it. Sick, sick freaks.
  
• Best decision: Capricorn and I deciding to start bowling as a hobby, which led to the purchase of these bowling shoes for me and for her.
• Worst decision: Did I really post these photos of myself?
  
• Favorite Blog Entry by Me: Easily, it was giving all of you awards.
  
• Favorite Blog Entry by Someone Else: Astharis had some balls and posted her entry for my embarrassing photo challenge. Click here and laugh. For the non-photo category, Pop Eye has been giving excellent American Idol rundowns.

To discuss a Weekend Update: The Wrestler, The Bowler and The Impregnator

The slightly overdue Weekend Update, with a rundown on a movie, a hobby and reality television (No, not Bromance- that's coming soon).

"The Wrestler" will be one of the best movies you'll see all year... if you can find it. Despite being a consensus Best Picture nominee in every award show, it's playing in about 15 theaters. I think Paris Hilton's "The Hottie or the Nottie" had a wider release.
Capricorn and I had to drive an hour on Saturday to see The Wrestler, but it was worth it. She had to settle me down during the opening scene, I was so excited. Oh, and there's tons of great 80s music, too-- and I don't even like the 80s.

Highlights:

• Mickey Rourke giving one of the best acting jobs since Jennifer Aniston said she was happy for Brangelina.
• Marisa Tomei spending almost an entire movie naked, and yet I remember her superb acting even more.
  
• There's a great storyline that makes you pull for the lead character even though he's going to screw it up, like Zack Morris every time a project is due but you know he's going to spend the night before with Kelly instead. In this movie, Randy the Ram (Rourke) is Zack Morris, wrestling is the project and Cassidy (Marisa) is Kelly. Except Kelly, to my knowledge, didn't spent any episode of Saved by the Bell naked. But she must have put out.
  
• It made me want to become a professional wrestler: "And now, ladies and gentleman, our main draw of the night, Randy the Ram versus Wild ArrrRRRSSSS!" My signature move would be cowering in fear and peeing my pants. And ankle biting.

Lowlights (if you're, say, Capricorn. I thought it was awesome):

• A bloody wrestling scene that makes Passion of the Christ look like a back massage. Rourke's Randy the Ram gets cut with barb wire, attacked with a staple gun, smacked with a table and tossed into glass. And he won.

So, Capricorn and I have wanted to find a fun activity to do in our spare time that would A) Not cost a lot of money B) Not lead to a conversation with my mother that starts with, "Now, before you say anything, we still have to get an ultrasound..." C) Not involve knitting or canasta
We chose bowling. You might think bowling is only for white trash, or people with no lives, or people who aren't athletic. Well.... crap... it's fun, OK? We're going to join a league in the spring, after we've practiced enough to not embarrass ourselves. Since we started, our high scores are 86 and 153. No, I did not use the bumpers...evidently you have to be a child for those.
Let's point out the positives of bowling:
A) It's socially acceptable to talk to strangers in the next lane, thus increasing the chance of meeting new friends. Just wait until their turns over, though, or they'll get really pissed. Also, don't make bird calls or shout "Fire!"
B) Unlike other sports, you can easily drink while bowling, as you'll always have one hand free.
C) Even if you're terrible, you can still luck into a good game. Not true with basketball, football or sex with a stranger.

And finally, Capricorn loves "Jon and Kate Plus 8" and "17 Kids and Counting," reality shows about parents with enough children to field a sports team or a calendar shoot. She was giddy when "17 Kids" came on, as we watched two parents and their kids travel to a family reunion where, surprisingly, nobody was their own grandpa.
I just don't like these large families. I can't explain it. There's something about a dude with 17 kids that rubs me the wrong way.
I get it, Jim Bob Duggar (real name!)- your sperm is so potent you don't even need to be aroused to impregnate your wife. But 17 times? You didn't think it might be OK to pull out once?
The Duggar family also likes to remind everyone they are debt free. I'd be debt free too if I had 17 children to work for me- that's a lot of Nike shoes assembled.
They are also hardcore Christian conservatives-- none of the kids, not even the engaged one, has ever kissed anyone.
Capricorn and I agreed that once those girls get to college, they are going to slut it up. It's inevitable. Then the new show is going to be "17 Kids Not Counting Two Bastard Grandchildren." Now that's a show I'd watch. Episode One: "The family gets in their coach bus to travel to a health clinic, where one of the daughters hopes to find out who her baby's daddy really is..."

Did I mention we watched "17 Kids" while I dyed Capricorn's hair (dark brown)... and that I did a good job? Yeah, she had doubts at first, too.
Well, in case my actual career goes belly up, I can always become a hair dresser. At least then I can talk about America's Next Top Model and feel normal.

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If you haven't already, take a look at my photo challenge for you. The more people who participate, the better we all will feel.