To discuss a Weekend Update: I'm wearing my birthday suit

When people say "birthday suit," they probably don't mean "zipup coveralls for snow shoveling." But there I was Saturday, shoveling the two feet of snow Jesus cried* onto the Pennsylvania landscape on my birthday.

* Snow is made of Jesus' frozen tears. Rain is made of Jesus' warm tears. Sleet is made of Jesus' drool. That's why no one likes sleet.

I appreciate all the birthday wishes you all gave me throughout the three day guest post series, including Children of the 90s, Jenners and Anna Lefler. I understand if you read their posts and decided to leave me for their greener pastures. I won't hold it against you.

Let's recap my birthday weekend, for the remaining stragglers:

• Snow began falling Friday night at such a fast rate that we had to keep shoveling a patch of grass for our dogs to pee on. It's at this point in dog ownership that you realize you are essentially a catheter.
  
• By Saturday morning, there was two feet of snow on the ground and the entire county was in emergency status, meaning you weren't allowed to go anywhere. Fortunately, Capricorn and I had stocked up on bread, milk and birthday ice cream cake. I had cake for dessert at 12:05 a.m. Saturday morning, then for breakfast, then for dessert again. I now am eligible for the next season of the "Biggest Loser."
  
• Since Capricorn and I were trapped, we resorted to cannibalism spent the day watching movies. Quick reviews:

1. The Invention of Lying: Lots of funny stuff, and you'll like it if you like Ricky Gervais. And if you like to lie.
2. Whip It: Doesn't quite know what time period it wants to be in, and is a little too awkward in places. Plus, you spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out which of the team members are lesbians, and which are just tomboyish. But the film is very watchable, and you get to spend the movie thinking, "That burglar from Home Alone makes a good dad."
3. Inglorious Basterds: Had no idea what to expect, and Capricorn figured she wouldn't like it. We both ended up loving it. Capricorn gave it an A+, while I contemplated how long it would take a horny Jersey Shore cast member to nickname his penis the "Jew Hunter" next season in the Hamptons.
   

• I bought a new laptop, which should arrive today. My current laptop had a booting error again this week, and although I got it repaired, this is becoming like keeping your grandmother on life support. Sometimes, you have to know when to gracefully pull the plug, before it drags on. That is, unless the grandma in this analogy is at Seattle Grace on "Grey's Anatomy." And then you'd need every doctor in the hospital, and all the interns, to stop by to give an opinion in the midst of their sexual tension and underlying resentment, before they bust out in tears and/or on-call room sex, and then second-guess your decision making while hovering near the window that is conveniently located where everyone in the hospital hangs out. And then your grandma has sex with an intern. Who is bisexual. And has brain cancer.
  
• Oh, yeah, sorry, computers. That's where we were. I'm getting a 13.3-inch, ultraportable HP dm3, after I had completed extensive research and collected my tax refund. And for all of you who are about to say, "Why didn't you get a Macbook?!?! Apple is the best!??! Jesus was probably a Mac guy!!! Apple cures AIDS and leprosy!!!!", I'd respond that yes, Macs are great and easy to use -- and they also cost 3x as much. Mercedes are great, but I don't need to go in great debt for them when I can get most of the same performance out of a Honda. High-class escorts are great, but I don't buy them when I can get the same ... sparkling conversation out of a $5 hooker. That, and Apple spent months researching and testing its new wundermachine, only to call it an iPad. That makes me concerned. And menstrual.
  
• I actually had a backup of my laptop's data before the rebooting problem, so that was a relief (external hard drives are God's second chance. Not unlike Plan B or, in Sandra Bullock's case, the "Blind Side" to her "All About Steve") But I lost all my Firefox favorites, including the list of blogs I read regularly. Forgive my short absence from stopping by while I repopulate my list. Similarly, apologies to you, sluttyequestrians.com.* (* Not an actual porn site - I checked to make sure my joke didn't lead to a NSFW fiasco. On that note, don't go to whitehouse.com. I made that mistake in a college class.)
  
• Now that I'm 27, I'm looking for advice on anything I should know about this year in life. So, please fill me in on anything that happened to you that year, such as your wedding, a crazy party, Prohibition, whatever.
  

To discuss me being a potential trendsetter, plus a Weekend Update

It seems like I’m apologizing a lot lately on here, as per the previous post. Coincidentally, my apologies began right around the time I started dating Capricorn. I blame it all on her*...
That is, except for Bailey spilling tea on my laptop and causing the keyboard to spit out letters like a veritable word verification spam preventer. A sample of me trying to type:
SFLKNC. CVBMV. WERH?
(Translation: Bailey is an idiot. But he’s still cute. Can I really get mad at him?) Fortunately, I’m still got my work computer, but I can only write on this so much. I love you guys, but I'd rather not try to get fired, unless you can pay my rent (Wait, would you? That would be awesome. I’ll spot you next month, I promise. And by next month, I mean never. And by never, I mean there’s a better chance that the federal government would hand over nearly a trillion dollars to Wall Street moguls who already laid waste to billions of dollars, with no real way to make them pay it back. And by that, I mean that's a reality and we’re screwed. And by that, I mean I wonder if I can ask the federal government to bail me out since I’ve spent just as wrecklessly as Merrill Lynch. Help a brother out, Uncle Sam. You're my uncle. We're family.)

If my laptop doesn’t work again tonight, I’ll likely take two courses of action. One, cry the salty tears of hindsight. Two, bust out my typewriter. What’s that? A typewriter? You bet your ass I own a typewriter. Not one of those antique ones that weigh 50 pounds. An electronic one that has correction tape (which sort of works). The pitter-patter of the keys pounding the paper is a feast for the ears, its black-tongued keys striking white a festival for the eyes.
So, there's a good chance I will write a blog entry on my typewriter and scan it in tomorrow at work. That’s got to be a blogging first, right? I’m practically the Wright Brothers of blogging, sans the incredible handlebar mustaches and museum in my honor. Would you look forward to something like that? You don’t have to tell me. I can hear the heavy breathing now.

Just in case I don’t get to it, the Weekend Update:

Highs:

• Cooking dinner for Capricorn (chicken parmesan with sauteed mushrooms), and having it actually taste good.
• Catching up on the season premieres of Heroes (lots of good plot points developing), How I Met Your Mother (Barney never ceases to amaze me), The New Adventures of Old Christine (Julia Louis Dreyfus may actually be funnier now than on Seinfeld, and that’s saying something) and watching MTV’s The Island, in which Rachel Robinson, the same person I interviewed this week, gets kicked off.
• Winning my fantasy football game this week. I’m 4-0, baby. Capricorn didn’t seem to be as excited, although she's under the mistaken impression that I’m going to give all the winnings at the end of the season to her. Crazy girl.
• Getting an award from Diane, who is full of sunshine and moonbeams in my view. Considering how much I enjoy her blog-- she had a great post about Target recently-- it’s high praise, indeed. I’m going to give out the same award to five people later this week, as per tradition.

Lows:

• Catching up on the season premieres of Big Bang Theory (It was funny, but they are making Sheldon into an increasingly unlikeable and annoying person that nobody likes) and The Office (Yes, it’s still one of my favorites, but here’s the thing. I watched the original three episodes with Capricorn this weekend, and I remembered why I love the show- it was so irreverant and didn’t take itself seriously. Now, it’s almost like the characters are too aware and too involved, and some things felt a little forced. I would like Here Comes Treble to sing at my wedding, however).
  
• Visit to the post office. What a depressing place. Nobody smiles at the post office, perhaps because they all realize that the only reason they are there is because e-mail has failed them. And that they’ll have to pay to send something that would be free online.
• Going to Wal-Mart at midnight on Saturday and winning the Most Teeth title. That's not a stereotype. That quite literally happened. No gum was purchased that night, I am sure of it.
  

* Obviously, I don't. I've been smiling all week like an idiot. She makes me want to handwrite notes, fold them up and pass them to her during study hall...

To discuss my laptop working as effectively as Lehman Brothers

I'd apologize for not posting over the weekend/having something excellent up this morning, but it's not my fault.
It's my dog's fault.
Bailey, in his E-collar splendor, knocked a glass of tea over my laptop. While I'm optimistic for the long-term chances of my computer, in the short term, it thinks that every time I type "B," I actually want "VBNVH."
Oh, and the mouse doesn't work. Using only the tab key to navigate is like Christopher Columbus navigating the Atlantic to find the West Indies. I'll only end up mistakenly discovering the New World and having a lame holiday in my honor.

So, anyway, I'll try to get something up later today- some thoughts on all those premieres I finally got to watch, cooking for Capricorn, killing a geisha in cold blood-- at least some or all of these actually happened.

In the mean time, what's the worst thing that happened to you this weekend?