To discuss a birthday gift from down under

I'm 26 today. For the record, I was 9 pounds, 11 ounces at birth, a fact my mother reminds me of with great frequency, as if I was chomping on Twinkies and HoHos in the womb. Mom, it was all water weight- I felt so bloated that day.

While I adjust to life in my late 20s, I decided I'd let Southern Belle takeover with one of her now infamous Aussie definition posts. For the occasion, she even busted out an entirely appropriate Wild ARS Chase word. Enjoy, and I'll check back with you all later, after several pieces of cake and the regrets of 25 years of wallowing in self-loathing. I'm sure there will be a post full of reflections soon.
So, thanks, Southern Belle. I knew I gave you an award for a reason.
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Aussie Dictionary: Fart-ARSing around

[OK, normally we don't capitalize the ARS is the middle of fart-arsing, but since this is in your honor, WildARS, it had to be done.]

to fart-arse around: (verb)

1. to mess around with something, possibly even though you're not quite sure what you're doing.
As in "We had to call a plumber after my husband decided to fart-arse around with the pipes under the sink."

2. to generally waste time in various meaningless activities. Similar to pottering around.
As in "There wasn't much to do at work today; I spent most of the afternoon fart-arsing around on the internet."

Also to piss-fart around.

[Happy Birthday, Andy WildARS!]

To discuss a Meme story

You guys are all meme crazy. There was more tagging going on yesterday than on a school playground or on a New York City bridge (that means graffiti, for those not in the know).

Couple that with the fact that I am seriously behind on blog reading since last Thursday, before my weekend trip, and you have an overwhelmed blogger. Oh, that and work has been crazy so I can't even read up on your stuff at lunch.

But, as I don't like to disappoint, I'm at least going to do one of these suckers. Since Southern Belle threatened to throw a temper tantrum, I thought I'd oblige. As she mentions, this meme is fairly simple: One person starts a story, then another one continues and so on, until the story makes no sense at all...Here are the instructions.

*****

The bus was more crowded than usual. It was bitterly cold outside, and I hadn't prepared for it. I noticed that a fair number of the riders were dressed curiously. As I glanced around, I stretched my feet and kicked up against a large, heavy cardboard box laying under the seat in front of me. (Splotchy)

I hunched down to see what it was, but as I did, the bus violently veered to left. I was thrown up against a heavyset Asian woman with blond hair. I pardoned myself, but she faced forward with no reply. Just then, a man wearing a jumpsuit of silver and gold stood up at the front of the bus. He was holding a megaphone and a box of graham crackers. He held the megaphone up to his face and began to speak... (Some Guy)

"Ladies and Gentlemen...please do not be afraid! I am here to help you" he said in a mighty booming voice. As he began to step towards me I felt a hand creep its way around my throat and all of a sudden I was pressed against the mighty bosom of the Asian woman as she she hauled me to my feet. She began to back away from the costumed crusader all the while holding me, feet dangling in the air. I panicked and my eyes searched the bus, hoping to connect with someone, anyone who would be able to help me. My eyes met those of the hero in gold and just as I began to gasp for air he yelled...(~E)

„Put her down and no one gets hurt“, he yelled at the Asian woman. All the passengers turned to see what was going on and, as they did, I noticed they were more panicked than I was. A small bespectacled man closest to us hissed at my captor and said in a low voice „Take me, just don't hurt her.“ My fear gave way to curiosity. Who were all these people, and why were they so concerned for my well being?
The Asian blonde's back was now pressed against the back of the bus, and she increased her grip on me as the megaphone man crept slowly towards us. As he passed through the bus people started getting up, and now they formed a small army behind him. He raised the box of graham crackers above his head and put his lips to the megaphone... (That Damn Expat)

"Put DOWN the foreigner and step AWAY from the box!" the hero's voice boomed through the megaphone. The Asian Valkyrie responded by drawing me further into her bosom, and the rest of Golden Boy's speech was muffled as her cleavage nestled around my head and settled on my shoulders. I drew the first tiny shred of comfort since the beginning of this crazy day from the fact that at least my ears were now shielded from the bitter cold.
This didn't console me for long as a slight movement down by the floor caught my eye. I glanced down at the box I had kicked before and noticed it was moving by itself... (SouthernBelle)

The Asian Valkyrie had wrapped up her cat as a Christmas present. In a move straight out of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, AV had accidentally wrapped the poor feline inside a box and had planned to give it to her nephew, who was the Asian dude on Fast and the Furious with the sweet car. But this wasn't just any feline. No, the silver-and-gold jumpsuit man, who was actually an undercover cop, wanted the package because the cat was actually the world's first ever...(Wild ARS)

OK, tag you're it. Instead of tagging people who have been tagged more times than Paris Hilton on a sloppy Saturday night (that's a sexual reference), how about this- if you never do meme's, this is a great time to start. Let me know if you do it (the meme, not Paris).

To discuss a Get to Know Me interview, plus Australian slang

Get to Know Me Week

Much like my guest post on Haute Pocket last Friday giving me a gateway to post morally corrupt material, Southern Belle wanted her latest Aussie dictionary post to find refuge on my site.
Southern Belle and I already have some history, after I wrote this co-blog in part because she correctly called me out for offending an entire nation. But she has stuck with me, showing me she is more wonderful than even her fun blog led me to believe. (Yes, I linked the crap out of that paragraph.)

Today, you can find her guest post below, defining an Australian slang word I had never heard of, so enjoy.

Also today, visit her site to read a Question and Answer post we wrote together that continues my Get to Know Me Week. In it, you'll find answers about my relationship with Capricorn, religious views and a random pop culture reference or two...

Thanks to all who have already volunteered and/or already posted their prompt for Get to Know Me week. If you missed it, check here. I'm posting everyone's links at the end of the week!
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Southern Belle:

root:

1.noun
A part of the body of a plant that develops, typically, from the radicle and grows downward into the soil, anchoring the plant and absorbing nutriment and moisture.

2.verb (idiom)
To have sexual intercourse with, as in: "Hey Kylie! Shane said he wants to root ya."

3. noun
An individual with whom sexual intercourse is
performed. Often used in the context of describing the quality of said performance, as in: "Shane is a dud (terrible) root" or "Kylie is a top (very good) root!"

Additional:

root dreads
noun
Matted hair, similar to dreadlocks, at the back of a woman's head. Caused by repetitive movement against a surface (usually a pillow) during sexual intercourse.

To discuss a Weekend Update, visually speaking, and Feliz Navidad to all

This is going to be another busy week on Wild ARS, and I'm not just saying that to create a false sense of hope (I wait until Christmas for that).
If you read this post yesterday (in order for this week to make sense, un-"mark all as read" and read it. P.S. Thanks), then you should know this week is going to be a "Getting to Know Me" week. I've challenged you to each write a similar post and let me know about it so I can put together something with all the links...If you already said "yes," you're the best thing since slap bracelets.

Later today, I'll have a post that recalls one of my favorite high school stories. It involves hijinx, a car chase and mayhem. No, seriously. Tuesday, Southern Belle has something special for us, as she asks me some intimate questions, which I will blame on the liberal "gotcha" media. I hope she doesn't ask me about Russia or what newspapers I read. Later this week, there's some other good stuff cooking, and I'm not just talking turkey.

All I can say is there will be an "appearance" by a certain famous rapper, and an awards presentation...

On to the Weekend Update. This time, the Update is mostly visual, as Capricorn and I celebrated our faux-holiday, Feliz Navidad 2008, on Friday. Really, it was an excuse to drink margaritas at noon, trim my Christmas tree well before Thanksgiving and eat Mexican food. Jealous?

First, a few mostly context-free things I heard/saw/experienced this weekend:

• New Kids on the Block on the American Music Awards: I appreciated their singing of "Right Stuff." But I still have a hard time listening to them sing about hooking up at a club. Is that before or after they tuck their babies in for the night?
  
• Murder Mystery Dinner: Props to the people at my church for putting on an excellent program- my group solved the mystery, too. Murder mysteries should be done every weekend. I even know some people I'd like to have murdered.
• An empty table: At a busy restaurant on Saturday, Capricorn, myself and two friends stood beside an empty table for 30 minutes. Wouldn't you know it, that's the table they sat us at. Am I missing something here?
• The Office: I'm catching Capricorn up on this show; we're in the midst of Season 2. We just watched the episode when Michael grills his foot. I, too, like the smell of freshly cooked bacon in the morning.

On to the visuals...


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* Update on the Update: I would be remiss if I didn't tell you guys that, along with Feliz Navidad 2008, Capricorn and I also had our two-month anniversary this weekend. It seems like just yesterday I was at PetSmart with her.