To discuss an awards show Kanye would be proud of:

Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Americans, and to you non-Americans, sorry we took over your land/slaughtered your people/fought against your country/think we're better than you at everything/steal all your good ideas and claim them as our own/lust over your women and David Beckham.

Anyway, I thought you should see what I was up to last week:
I got my Kanye West on.
For a skit I wrote for church about Kanye putting himself above, well, everybody else, I donned my shutter shades, pimp chain and cardigan. The script involved Kanye crashing an awards ceremony because he's upset he didn't win (like that would ever happen)...
Here's the rap I performed in front of frightened church-goers:
(To the tune of "Baby Got Back")
I like myself and I cannot lie
You other brothas can't deny
When West walks in with diamonds on his waist
And a mic up in your face
You back up.
Wanna call my bluff?
Cause you know that West's the stuff.
So ladies, ladies,
Wanna know why people love me?
Then turn around
Walk it out
Even George Dubya got to shout
Kanye got that.

Even Capricorn had to try on the shutter shades, except she makes them look good:


On to the important stuff. It's awards time again! She's Lump busted out an award on me, which, coming from her and her hilarious blog, is high praise indeed. I'm going to break the rules some with this "Your Blog is Fabulous!" award and give it to one blog I've long been a fan of, and one I recently discovered:
(drum roll, done to the syncopated beats of Kanye's "Love Lockdown," please)

The first award goes to Ben, of No Ordinary Rollercoaster.
I just can't deny it. After reading all sorts of great stuff on his blog- his dream dates are some of the funniest posts around) I knew I had team up with him one day. But, when we made it a three-day co-blog event, the results were magical thanks to his great humor. I only can hope that one day I have the talent and wit he has. And on top of that, he has a cute wiener.

The second award goes to someone who might be able to match me, episode by episode, at recalling Saved by the Bell, and who is able to amuse me simply by writing about bagels. How could such a person exist? She exists, alright. She's Stealthnerd from Strict Shenaniganist. Like me, she also has theories about America's Next Top Model. It's a good time had by all, if the "all" is blogland and the "good time" is belly laughs.
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A special awards shout-out to Funny Gals. Last time I gave out awards, I complimented you two ladies for being so supportive of each other that you cover for when the other person can't blog, but you were hoping for compliments on your writing style. Let this be my declaration that you put the Funny in Funny Gals, and, as I mentioned before, you're both kick me in the crotch fantastic.

To discuss a Weekend Update, visually speaking, and Feliz Navidad to all

This is going to be another busy week on Wild ARS, and I'm not just saying that to create a false sense of hope (I wait until Christmas for that).
If you read this post yesterday (in order for this week to make sense, un-"mark all as read" and read it. P.S. Thanks), then you should know this week is going to be a "Getting to Know Me" week. I've challenged you to each write a similar post and let me know about it so I can put together something with all the links...If you already said "yes," you're the best thing since slap bracelets.

Later today, I'll have a post that recalls one of my favorite high school stories. It involves hijinx, a car chase and mayhem. No, seriously. Tuesday, Southern Belle has something special for us, as she asks me some intimate questions, which I will blame on the liberal "gotcha" media. I hope she doesn't ask me about Russia or what newspapers I read. Later this week, there's some other good stuff cooking, and I'm not just talking turkey.

All I can say is there will be an "appearance" by a certain famous rapper, and an awards presentation...

On to the Weekend Update. This time, the Update is mostly visual, as Capricorn and I celebrated our faux-holiday, Feliz Navidad 2008, on Friday. Really, it was an excuse to drink margaritas at noon, trim my Christmas tree well before Thanksgiving and eat Mexican food. Jealous?

First, a few mostly context-free things I heard/saw/experienced this weekend:

• New Kids on the Block on the American Music Awards: I appreciated their singing of "Right Stuff." But I still have a hard time listening to them sing about hooking up at a club. Is that before or after they tuck their babies in for the night?
  
• Murder Mystery Dinner: Props to the people at my church for putting on an excellent program- my group solved the mystery, too. Murder mysteries should be done every weekend. I even know some people I'd like to have murdered.
• An empty table: At a busy restaurant on Saturday, Capricorn, myself and two friends stood beside an empty table for 30 minutes. Wouldn't you know it, that's the table they sat us at. Am I missing something here?
• The Office: I'm catching Capricorn up on this show; we're in the midst of Season 2. We just watched the episode when Michael grills his foot. I, too, like the smell of freshly cooked bacon in the morning.

On to the visuals...


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* Update on the Update: I would be remiss if I didn't tell you guys that, along with Feliz Navidad 2008, Capricorn and I also had our two-month anniversary this weekend. It seems like just yesterday I was at PetSmart with her.

To discuss a first for WildARS: Video

There are few things in life that make me legitimately giddy. They are as follows:

• Watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation with my family for the millionth time. In July. So we can say, "I'll take the neck, Clark." Again.
• Having one of my favorite sports teams makes the playoffs. Even though that hasn't been the case with the Pittsburgh Pirates since I was 9... that makes them the deadbeat dads of baseball.
  
• Making the Band (Yes, I saw the second half of the season finale. Yes, I'll get a play by play up soon. It was full of drama!)
  
• Getting the cute giggle and wave from a cute girl passing by, even if I'm an idiot and don't talk to her.
  
• Shamrock shakes at McDonalds
• Capricorn (the girlfriend not the astrological sign)
  

There are a few others, but I want to get to the point, which is this: For the first time on WildARSChase, I have a video to share (I wrote the script). What's that, Andy? Awesomeness? Well, yes it just might be.

This was produced by the people who run the 20-somethings group at my church (They did a sweet job and deserve a litany of thanks and manhugs). It debuted last night, for this week's topic on how people falsely value looks over character.

No, this 2-minute video doesn't talk about Jesus- although I'm a big fan of his work. Instead, it's an analogy using the vice presidential election. I wrote the script for it, my first foray into video script writing since college...

Oh, and no one is endorsing any candidate. It's all for giggles. It's also safe for work. I mean, I wrote it for church, after all... The volume is a little low, so you may need to turn it up.

So, I'm giddy to share this with you: