To discuss Fake Andy Shaw of the Month: May is for Repeats

In a historic moment, we have a repeat winner of Fake Andy Shaw of the Month. This is the biggest honor this side of Lisa and Screech winning the Casey Kasem dance-off.

May's Fake Andy Shaw of the Month is... ABC news reporter Andy Shaw, who made it to failblog.org this month for this blooper. He last made it as Fake Andy Shaw in March.


Several of you, who evidently think of me way too often, were kind enough to point this out. I'd be remiss if I didn't give bizarro me props for messing up.

I will say, as a former TV play-by-play man for college football, I can understand forgetting you are wearing a microphone when you have one of those headsets on. It's like asking someone where you put your sunglasses when they are on top of your head, or where you put your kid when you forgot him in the van.*

* Although that, technically, is a felony of some sort.
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I apologize for the lack of posts this week- the aforementioned computer death and the now-mentioned crazy work schedule=not feasible. Hope everyone has a nice holiday weekend...I promise to get you my rollercoaster-related post up soon.

To discuss the photo you requested: Me Being Fake Me

Now who's chicken, Fake Andy Shaw?

You asked, I respond. Haute Pocket, consider this my entry in your photo mem. As payment for yet another trip down Embarrassment Lane, I only ask that those of you who haven't signed up to follow me yet, do so (on right). Then I can at least tell Capricorn there was a reason for this.

To discuss Fake Andy Shaw of the Month: Fabulous April edition

Fake Andy Shaw of the Month

With the recent news of my return to musical theater, what better candidate for Andy Shaw of the Month* than this Andy Shaw...

... who, according to Feast of Fools, is a gay musical theater actor and is inexplicably holding a can of turkey gravy.

I have no idea what this means, really: "Andy is hot. So hot in fact he joined Marc this past Pride Parade in Chicago to help pass out mashed potatoes and gravy to the Good People of the World."

Is that a euphemism, or did they really pass out food?

Also, there's this: "So we had to ask to Andy, do young gay men get annoyed when SLIGHTLY older peers refer to them cattily as “chicken?” Andy didn’t know what the term meant."

This Andy doesn't either. So does this mean that KFC is really just an insider joint for gay cougars? What are much younger gay men called? Eggs? And are macho gay men called roosters? So much to know still.

I'm fully aware I'm one of the few straight men who do musical theater. At one point in life, it gave me a distinct advantage with the ladies: "Hey, just so you know, I can sing, act and I like boobies." Now that I am in a relationship, I'll just let other actors guess. It's more fun that way. But I am not going to hold anyone's drumstick.**

* Fake Andy Shaw of the Month, for new people, is my recurring ode to the many guys out there with the same name as me. Here's a sample.
** Hey-yooo!

To discuss fake Andy Shaw of the month: This one's kind of famous

Last day of February means last chance for my fake Andy Shaw of the month.
This one comes courtesy of several of you who have suggested this guy: ABC 7-Chicago political reporter Andy Shaw.

This Andy Shaw and I share many traits:

• He just finished an illustrious reporting career. I am just starting an illadvisedustrious reporting career.
  
• He used to write about education, I currently write about education.
• He was born and raised in Chicago, I have seen the musical "Chicago."
• He enjoys crossword puzzles, I think crossword puzzles are puzzling.
• His story coverage has taken him to Mexico, Canada, England, Ireland and Cuba. I have watched the Olympics in which all those countries competed. Also, I have been to Taco Bell, watched hockey, listened to Radiohead, drank Shamrock Shakes* and admired Fidel Castro's beard. So, again: similar.
• When you Google "Andy Shaw," he is the first name that pops up. I come up by page 3, but only because I write about other Andy Shaw's. I consider this a moral victory.
• This fake Andy Shaw was semi-forced into retirement. Soon, I'll be semi-forced into unpaid vacation...**

* My beaming face after drinking McDonald's Shamrock Shakes, not Helen of Troy's, is the face that launched a thousand ships. True story.
** ... News at 11. Well, actually, Monday or Tuesday I'll update you. I just like saying "News at 11."

To discuss post-birthday thoughts, including 911 and Chris Martin

I turned 26 on Friday (or, as my mom aptly put it, "Your second quarter-century has begun.") Thanks for all of the birthday wishes, including those of you who, upon hearing my age, have entered a midlife crisis.

Past birthday events:

• Around 9 or 10: I had just arrived home with my mom from Pizza Hut, where she had bought me a Personal Pan Pizza- quite possibly a perfect meal for that age. It was at that point that the phone rang. A 911 emergency official was on the line, asking if everything was OK at our house. Was this some new government courtesy? No. My younger brother had prank-called 911 and told them we had a rattlesnake in our garage. Might I remind you we grew up in Pennsylvania. Apparently, my brother confused our house with the set of "Hey Dude."... My parents spent the rest of my birthday reprimanding my brother and making him write an apology letter. I sat alone in my room and ate my pizza.
• Age 21: Legal drinking age had finally come. My friends had been excited to watch me consume my first alcoholic drink, as I had abstained from drinking thus far because of a dislike for the smell of beer, a sense of moral duty and a Very Special Episode of Blossom. So, I bought one: A Mike's Hard Lemonade. You got it- my first alcoholic beverage had less alcohol in it than cough syrup. This would be like me buying cocaine, except the bag contained powdered sugar.
  
• Age 25: At this point, in Connecticut, I had no girlfriend and no friends that lived nearby. I spent my birthday working, then going home alone. I spent the night working out at the gym. I believe I bought myself a cupcake. It was the equivalent of a girl taking herself to prom and standing by the punch bowl all night.
  
• Age 26: Capricorn knows how to treat a man. She got me ice cream cake-- it's my favorite, as it goes straight to my hips and my thighs. We went bowling, watched a movie (Hamlet 2, which includes the classic song, "Rock Me Sexy Jesus." I plan on asking my church's worship team to add it to their repertoire), and ate, ate ate. This included a stop at the mall, which requires its own bullet points...
• A sales clerk in a clothing store was walking by us when she stopped and stared at my face. Normally, this is because the person is confused that I have a Jewish nose but blue eyes, which would have given Hitler fits.... But she simply said, "You look exactly like (Coldplay's) Chris Martin. Did anyone ever tell you that?" "No, normally, it's Michael Phelps," I said with a certain degree of pot shame. Capricorn then realized if I'm Chris Martin, that makes her Gwyneth. I then became happy the clerk didn't compare me to Joel Madden.
  
• Capricorn discovered this wooden bracelet at a store. Evidently, the manufacturer gave up on the design and just carved a hole in a square.

What's your weirdest birthday experience?
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Coming up this week: Grammy coverage... What I Learned from Cosmo... a TV Play by Play of something or other (Making the Band?)... Valentine's Day thoughts.

To discuss January's Fake Andy Shaw of the Month: It's no 'Bull'

I almost got through January without doing a Fake Andy Shaw of the month.... oops. Here's last month's contestant.
For the first several months of Fake Andy Shaw's, I highlighted other Andy Shaw's out there in the world. But lately, I've been getting a slew of "you look like this guy" comments- Capricorn's mom thinks I look like Michael Sideways Hat Phelps.

But this month I heard an entirely new one, courtesy of a friend of Capricorn's family:

A young Kevin Costner.

Mind you- not an old one, star of the recent not-hit movie, "Swing Vote." A young one, star of "Bull Durham," "Field of Dreams" and that Indian movie where he banged Mary McDonnell in a teepee.
I don't see the likeliness, but the family friend was sure of it. Hey, it could be worse. She could have said a young Miley Cyrus.

Tomorrow is the six-month anniversary of Wild ARS Chase, so I'll put something special together. By special, I mean I'll try not to suck it up. Update: I'll have a six-month post on Monday or Tuesday- today has been consumed with Super Bowl preparation.

To discuss Fake Andy Shaw of the Month: This Andy has boobs

Usually, my fake Andy Shaw of the month is another dude out there with the same name and, likely, a more interesting life. So far, I've been a skater, a groom and a singer in a band. And Michael Phelps.
But for December, I'm changing things up a bit.
A few weeks ago, I believe on Ben's blog, I noticed another Andy had already commented on one of his hilarious posts. What's more, this Andy has boobs*, which is to say, she's not a he. So, as to avoid further confusion in case both Female Andy and Male Andy comment on your blog, I'd like to introduce you to the female version of me.
A short background, provided by Andrea, of Life Isn't So Terrible After All:
My hometown, I bet 99% of Americans doesn't even know it exists.(ARS: Delaware?) I live in a little country named "El Salvador", in Central America. (ARS: My knowledge of Central America is limited to my freshman geography class and movies involving drug trafficking). I don't live in the capital itself, but in the suburbs. But, since the country is TINY, everything is near. (Kind of like Connecticut, where you're within two hours from everything, including NYC and someone with a popped collar). I personally love everything about it (except the politics and the violence).
I'm 18* and I'm in senior year of a Lycée Francais. Yes, I've studied in that school every since I was 4 and it's quite hard to stand all the (stinky) French teachers I've had during this 15 years. Damn French people who don't shower. (ARS: So, it's true!) In spite of this, by next fall, I hope to be freezing my cute Latin butt in France, while studying engineering in Lyon. (You want to move from a tropical climate to France? On purpose?)

* See, I can talk about her having boobs because she's 18. If she was 17, I'd have to make a much more PG joke about her wearing make-up or something... But s she's Girls Gone Wild age. All's fair.
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On to the questions, all Andy-themed:

1) Who are you named after?
I'm not named after someone in particular. In fact, the many times I've asked my parents why they chose to call me "Andrea", they always tell me that it was my grandmother who suggested it and they liked it, so, that's where my name comes from. A few years ago, I discovered my grandma's birthday is on November the 30th, which is the day of St. Andrew and St. Andrea. Therefore, my guesses are that that has something to do with it.
ARS: I was named after the disciple, Andrew. It would be sexually awkward if you were named after the disciple, too.

2) Who is your favorite famous Andy?
Well, there'd be a fight between Andy Roddick and Andy Warhol. Andy Roddick is jut simply hot and... hot. Andy Warhol is just plain awesome. I have a hard time deciding.
Mine is Andy on The Office, even though that's a character name... Andy Warhol is from Pittsburgh, where I'm from. Unlike me, he has a museum. Unlike him, I have never urinated on a painting.

3) How often have you been confused for a boy when someone calls you Andy?
All the freaking time. Andy is usually the nickname for Andrew's. My best friend is also called Andrea, but her nickname is written Andie. I guess that makes more sense. Anyway, Andrea is a name for guys in Italy, so there's ALWAYS confusion. Oh, and let's not even get to the part where people make typing errors, and since the "a" is next to the "s" in keyboards, my name is often written "Andres", which is the male for "Andrea" in Spanish. *sigh*
And, if you want to make matters worse, my middle name is "Renée"... which people often write "René", like a guy. *sigh* It's complicated.
I never knew "Andrea" would be so difficult to get right. I can only imagine how they will butcher it in France.

4) What first name would you like if it wasn't Andrea/Andy?
Well, I DO like my middle name, "Renée". It is "reborn" in French. I've always believed in reincarnation, so I actually like my middle name. IF written properly.
Which, of course, won't happen, Runee. I mean Renea. I mean Renerea.

5) Would you consider legally switching your last name to "Shaw" to pretend to be me for a month?
Mmmmm... Well, Shaw is a far easier last name than my current one. So, I'd probably go to all those places where I've gotten "WHAT?" looks and when they ask me "What's your name?" I'll just say "Andrea Shaw. You DO know how that is spelled, right?"... I'm such a loser.
Sorry, I just double-checked. There already is an Andrea Shaw. She's a life coach... We should call her.

To discuss people pretending to be me: November means I'm in the band.

This Andy Shaw of the Month entry is a little late, but I think it's worth it. As always, this post is about other Andy/Andrew Shaws out there, likely living better, more fulfulling lives. Sometimes it's about those with the same name, while last month, it was about how Capricorn's parents think I look like Michael Phelps.

This month, I'm a rock star!

Evidently, I have my own band: The Andy Shaw Band, out of Columbus, Ohio (other Andy Shaw: I'm giving you free press here, so don't get all copyright crazy on me).
My musical stylings are a "mix of The Beatles, some Jack Johnson, and sounds motivated from (my) Columbus, Ohio roots."

What are sounds from Columbus, Ohio? I imagine it involves a lot of sizzling bacon and jackhammering.

The Andy Shaw Band must be on its way to being famous, because the web site looks crazy professional; even the Columbus Dispatch said "my" latest release is "a tantalizing slice of pop charm and rock grooves." (I think they meant to say a tantalizing slice of bacon.)
Would you believe this Andy Shaw is also 25? But, unlike me, he spent the past 12 years training on jazz and classical trumpet. I spent the past 12 months potty training my dog.

I'm proud of this Andy Shaw. He's doing something with his life. He even has a Facebook Fan page, so you know he's legit.

Do you know any bands named after you?

To discuss hating Michael Phelps, a boy pimp and the Andy Shaw of the Month

Capricorn and I have been bf/gf for over a week now, which, if we were in middle school, would be, like, so awesome and practically marriage, but, since we're adults, doesn't mean much beyond the fact we've been together longer than Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman.
In this time period, she's said several witty gems and other things that had me cracking up, most of which she'd kill me for blogging about.
But yesterday, I finally heard some stories that I told her must be shared...
And, because it's that time of the month just like your mother's period before your dad knocked her up with you, I'll be doing my Andy Shaw of the Month entry.
Everything ties together, I promise.
But first:
Capricorn texted me yesterday to tell me I better be on my guard. A guy asked for her number at a restaurant, and he was totally cute.
Except that guy was a seven-year-old boy. Evidently, he got into a conversation with her while they stood in line, and he asked "Can I have your number?" with the same cavalier, no-big-deal attitude you might use to ask for someone's favorite color, their place of employment or, if you're speaking with a Republican VP candidate, their knowledge of any Supreme Court cases- any of them. Like, name one. Nothing?....
Capricorn thought the boy was adorable. I told her she should have given the number to him. The kid's a pimp. I won't playa hate.
Another story:
Capricorn works with a woman who, because of misinformed religious beliefs, gets offended when people tell her "Bless You" after she sneezes. That's classic. Now, Capricorn could go the Seinfeld route and tell the woman "You are SOOO good looking" after a sneeze, but that could get awkward. I'd rather go with an insult, such as "Thanks for the germs, you olfactory blowhard," but that can be a mouthful.

On to today's topic:
Usually, the Andy Shaw of the Month is about another Andy/Andrew Shaw out there who likely is leading a much richer and better life than I am, with the same name.
This month, thanks to Capricorn's parents, we are going a slightly different route: the Andy Shaw Look-A-Like of the Month.
I've been told I look like a lot of people, from Ben Affleck to that redheaded kid in American Pie who lies about banging that girl, to "somebody I know. I can't place my finger on it." The last one is the best. It's basically saying, "You look familiar, like God may have run out of facial ideas by the time he got to you and went with the usual instead. You have no distinct features that will make you stick out. You look like an old friend, a former teacher, a boyfriend or Michael Clark Duncan."

So I'm on the phone with Capricorn. The following exchange took place, using rough paraphrases:
Cap: "So my parents finally decided on you."
Me: "Decided? Wait, what?!?"
Cap: "Yeah, they decided who you look like."
Me: (Now confused) "Um, who?
Cap: "Michael Phelps, except with better teeth."

This soon turned into a 10-minute conversation of Capricorn telling me why she hates the fact that Phelps is famous, thinks swimming is overrated and that she wouldn't mind if Phelps got murdered, only just kidding, only not really, only just kidding. Evidently, she really, really hates swimming, perhaps more than dead babies or starving orphans. Running is OK, though, she said; swimming is silly because pools are meant to cool off, not to swim fast. I made a mental note not to take her swimming ever, for fear of the children soon splashing around in a sea of red.

So here, for your comparison, are photos of myself and Phelps, plus a bonus one of myself and B.J. Novak, who plays Ryan Howard on The Office, another person I'm compared to lately.
Thoughts?

To discuss people pretending to be me: Andy Shaw #2

As I did last month, I'm continuing a feature so I have some sense of consistency on this blog beyond pining after women on television (that will also continue). The idea here is that there are way, way too many Andy/Andrew Shaw's out there. Here's another example:
The September contestant is submitted by my college friend Sam, who found this dude on a wedding list....
Andrew Shaw: theknot.com
Ok, first off, this dude is A LOT better looking than me. There are chisels on top of his chisels on his jaw. And his new wife is a looker. So, for that, I'm proud to share the Shaw name.
It appears they got married on top of a roof in downtown Pittsburgh, which works fine for weddings but terrible for a backdrop in Matthew Jessica Parker's "Inspector Gadget."
Also, it appears I'm 34 and an investment banker. Make that paper, Andy... I met Lauren in London and have done the long distance thing back and forth with her (Andy, dude. You're making major dollars and have a chiseled jaw, and you can't find a girl in the same country as you?) and somehow convinced Lauren to move to London instead of me moving stateside, because I'm so considerate and unselfish.
But seriously, this wedding photo looks like it's out of a catalog. I am considering stealing it as my Facebook photo and pretending I'm married.

To discuss people pretending to be me: Andy Shaw #1

Have you ever Googled yourself? No? One sec... (grabs lie detector test... checks your pulse... yep, just as I thought) Liar! You have. You want to know what Google has to say about you.
If I do it on me, it's initially not as exciting- I have written lots of articles, so it's not unusual for me to be mentioned often.
But throw in the fact that I have a common name, and bam! You have a new, recurring blog entry: People pretending to be me. Because for every Andy/Andrew Shaw who actually is me, there are thousands of others around the world with the same name, doing things far more interesting and/or illegal.
So let's find out what I've been up to these days....
August contestant: http://andrew-shaw.pinkbike.com/
I'm a BMX rider! Sweet!
I know how to do a "reverse whip" and a "ghetto drop table." I'm 16 again (oh hello, there, free time, pimples and adolescent anxiety- I've missed you) and live in Ramona, Calif. Oh, and I know what I'm talking about when I ask a guy to toss his bike frame on a scale and the "short" is 4.6 pounds. Good thing, too. When it's 5.6 pounds, children die.
My birthday? Feb.3 (actually, only three days off my real birthday). And my eloquence is simply stated in my "About me" section: I ride bikes.
If that statement doesn't say it all, I don't know what does: I ride bikes, bee-yatch.
It's also quite likely I've never talked to an actual girl, considering I only have 6 friends and they are all dudes. Probably because my web site is on pinkbike.com.