To discuss it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas?

Dear Thanksgiving:

On behalf of jag-offs everywhere, I apologize. I haven't seen this much thunder stolen since Urkel joined "Family Matters" and Carl Winslow became an afterthought.

Once Halloween is over, it's no secret marketers and businesses want to remind us it's the holidays. Commercials tell us to shop now for Christmas before it's too late. In reality, it's too late on Dec. 26. It's not too late Dec. 24.

But the commercials aren't a big deal, and to be expected. I can even look past Jim Carrey's "Christmas Carol" movie coming out last weekend, hoping without cause it could be better than Muppet Christmas Carol.

What's not to be expected is for people to jump the gun and start decorating for Christmas now, before anyone has carved a turkey, watched Al Roker flag down parade floats or watched the Detroit Lions in their annual Thanksgiving Day loss.

On Friday, I was driving down an autumn foliage covered road. Fall was in the air (and likely H1N1, but that doesn't have pretty leaves).

And then what to my wondering eyes did appear, but an inflatable Santa Claus, lights and general Christmas regalia spread all over the side of a house and lawn, inviting me to have a Merry Christmas.

Full holiday decorations. Nov. 5.

And then yesterday, Thanksgiving, you remember what happened? I drove through a town that had jack-o-lanterns decaying gracefully on doorsteps, hoping to scare off children one last time with the threat of a bacterial infection. I saw brown banners on light posts adorned with leaves. I had football on the radio, and leaves falling from the trees. It was fall in all its splendor.

Except for the garland and Christmas bells hanging throughout the town.

So, Thanksgiving, it seems once again you are the redheaded stepchild of holidays. You are a mere formality to Black Friday, a roadbump to Christmas morn.

Sorry about your loss. Maybe next year, try adding gift-giving to your holiday's list of traditions, right after the turkey feast. Steal the thunder right back from Jesus. He already gets two holidays a year, anyway.

Sincerely,
Wild ARS Chase

To discuss a Weekend Update with some Thanksgiving references thrown in

Thanksgiving/Weekend Update:

What, you're tired of reading everyone's Thanksgiving stories? What, you're not American and you could care less about our holiday celebrating people not dying after the winter? What, you could care less about my life's recent events?
Well...
...
... all legitimate points. But read this anyway, alright? I'll keep the turkey references to a minimal. No, I did not watch the Westminster Dog Show, break the turkey wish bone, or make poor, alcohol-influenced decisions likely leading to court dates or Googling "STD treatments" (all Thanksgiving traditions many others enjoy).

As with the Weekend Updates, this Thanksgiving/Weekend Update will be mostly context-free:

Things I saw:

• "Role Models": The movie itself was funny and made me want to find a medieval festival and touch everyone's whispering eye with my sword (watch the movie). Even better, there was a Marvin Hamlisch reference, and you know how much I love Marvin.
  
• The need to check IDs for an R-movie: Capricorn and I were the only patrons above the age of 20 in the theater. When we first walked in, there was a group of tweens gossiping, with one, lonely dude standing there, likely the hapless boyfriend of one of the girls. That's the life of a middle school boyfriend. You're there for show, for purse-holding and the hope of copping an unsolicited feel.
• "That was funny!": As we watched the movie, the girl with an obnoxious laugh behind us was so kind as to point out to her friends when something was funny. Good thing, too, because I don't have a funny bone in my body and wouldn't have known anything was funny.

Things I tasted:

• Two Thanksgiving meals within a three-hour period: First at Capricorn's, then with my family. It was a late lunch and an early dinner. I felt like Violet Beauregarde by the end.
• Muddy Buddies: There might not be anything in the world I enjoy more than the powdered sugar-covered, chocolate and peanut butter smothered, Chex-based Muddy Buddies. Thanks, Capricorn's mom.
  

Things I read:

• The latest Cosmo. Another "Things I Learned from Cosmo" post is coming up. This month includes "Your Orgasm Face." So now girls have to worry about how their face looks, on top of everything else? Can't everyone just be satisfied they are naked in the first place?
  

Things I did:

• Strolled around a fabric store pretending I know what Stitch Witchery is: My mom, after hearing that my apartment complex is having a holiday door decorating contest, went balls to the proverbial wall and helped me design an elaborate fabric door hanging that she is sewing together. While she did that, my dad and I watched White Christmas, Home Alone and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. (The Loungewear sign was in the fabrics store. Why do little kids need bathrobes? Are pajamas with footies not impressing the young ladies after a romantic, rose-petaled soak in the tub?)
  
• Went holiday shopping... on Saturday: I worked on Black Friday, so I bought a few things Saturday night when the crowds were down and I didn't have to worry about being trampled like the Running of the Bulls. Did you go Black Friday shopping? Do they have a similar shopping-frenzy day in other countries?
  

Things I noticed:

• A mother buying cigarettes while holding her baby. Pet Peeve No. 1: Smoking around babies. Pet peeve No. 2: Pulp in orange juice. Yours?
  

Today's the last day to vote in my Top Young 90's TV couples poll. It's a tight race, so every vote counts...

To discuss the re-telling of a sad story

Wow, this was a quick week. Get to Know Me Week, which I think was wildly successful, is almost over. I've been updating the post with the links to your submissions, so check back there to see the new stuff.
There will be a Thanksgiving Update soon (How was yours? What did you eat? Did your family get in any fistfights?), as well as one more Get to Know Me-style post... But first, as promised, I'm re-posting one of my earliest blog entries (early being three months ago). I think this was the post that first had me thinking, "Yeah, I can stick to the blog thing." It's a post I refer to often, so it might be worth your while to read it...

The Little Debbie Story

"No, it can't be," I thought as I stared at the two quarters and eight dimes in the palm of my hand.
I looked back at the Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie on the shelf. "Little Debbie, you price gouging piece of..."

Let me take you back to what happened leading up to this ominous, heartwrenching retail experience with America's Favorite Snack Cake.

As a 25-year-old working professional living on his own, I've come to grips with the fact that it will be a long, long time before I can afford, say, a decent-sized house, on my own. Any of you who are recently out of college probably feel the same, unless you are working in Big Business, and then you sold your soul anyway, so we'll call it even.
I'll never classify myself as poor, because there are actual poor people out there who can't afford to feed their kids or go see a doctor. So understand that- this isn't the same...
But there definitely is a subcategory of life, mostly for people in their 20s, I'd think, that is all about the struggle. You pay your bills, hopefully often, and you can afford some things in life, but you never feel like you're getting anywhere, right? You probably worry about money, say, I don't know, all the freakin time?

Ok, so that's the context. Back to this morning. After a slew of some unexpected and expected bills-- paying to register your car and get its annual inspection is a forced tax, don't you think?-- I had been tiptoeing the past few days. My rent check was turned in a few days ago. My pay day is Wednesday. I had enough to cover it as of Monday night, but by Tuesday morning, I dipped about 25 bucks below what the rent is.
No problem, I figured. As long as they don't cash the check by oh my God they cashed the check today... Negative 23 bucks in the hole. Triumphantly with my chest and chin held high, and my full trenchcoat and sunglasses on, I went to the bank to use an old bank account debit card I hadn't used in a year or so to get the 25 bucks remaining in it, and transferred it to the new account. A nice humbling experience- the teller makes the deposit and eyeballs your account balance as he hands you the receipt: $2.27. Nice!
Now since I hadn't bought groceries in a while because of said cash flow, I didn't have much with me at work to eat other than a basic lunch. By afternoon, I've got a sugar itch and want to pick up a snack.
With absolutely no paper money left, I rummage in my car for what's left of my spare change. I go to the store, get an iced tea ($1) and eye up the sugary sensation of Little Debbie. It's 35 cents. I can't afford it.
You know you are a broke, broke man when 35 cents crushes your budget.
Fortunately, I had a hearty dinner to lift me up.
A hot dog and Ramen.
Jealous?

To read the follow-up post about using "fake" money, go here.